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还不错
写的是不错,给你挑几个毛病吧.
As we obtained increasing knowledge through observing, analysing, meditating and finally drawing the conclusion, things around us become more comprehensible and less mysterious, but not equaling with easier, in stead, things become more complex than before. In the following discussion, I would like to present evidence to support my view.(注意总论点和分论点的一致,后面有转折,第一段最好点一下)
In the first place, things become less mysterious, especially some relating to religion and deity since we got scientific knowledge. To substantiate my point of view, the case of disease can be brought forward. In ancient times, the people regarded the disease as the punishment by the God due to the sin of the patients, and more severer the disease is, more drastic the penalization is. It is obviously absurd for us to deem that the God penalizes his subjects. But such concept was prevailing at that time owing to the ingrained conception that several unknown power has controlled over the human being and what the helpless men should do is to pray to the God for being forgiven. On contrary, the mechanism of the function of the whole body has been discovered with the assistance of development of medical subjects, such as the physiology, pathology and so forth. Thus, modern people eplicitly know that some types of pathogens-virus, bacteria, or parasite are responsible for the outset or procession of the disease rather than some supernatural strength beyond our scope of recognizant. (也许你是无神论者,说especially some relating to religion and deity since we got scientific knowledge.是很自然的事.但我不这么看.这样写第一范围很广,虽然你后面加了限制,但第一眼觉得你要把religion批一通,但关于这个世界的本质谁能说的清?谁能说真的没有上帝?对于不知道的事,我们应保持沉默. 第二就是你后面其实说的是迷信,而不是宗教.论点和论据不一致.)
Secondly, things are more easy to comprehend since they become less mysterious. To support this point of view, again, the instance of the disease comes to mind. In remote age, a witch doctor, who knew no medical knowledge and leechcraft, assumes the responsibility as a doctor like nowadays. What he/she was able to do is uttering some blur sentences, which was not understood by others except himself/herself, or dancing with the witch music, of which did not pertain to any genre of dance. All of these obscured behaviors have nothing to do with curing the disease, moreover, it would disturb the rest of the patients and procrastinate the treatment time. Compared to this preposterous treatment, doctors in modern era prescibe different pills to different patients accordint to their distinct symptom and the cause of disease, which is extemely understandable to everyone. As a consequence, it is clear that things become more comphesensible than before along with the process of accumulating knowledge.(最好再举一个例子,总说disease显得有些贫乏,而且看上去显得重复.其实我觉得就是重复.)
However, although things are less mysterious and more comprehensibel, one more significant fact that has to be put forward is that things are more complex, not easier. A well-known philosopher once remarked(I paraphrase): the knowlege we have had is the content of a circle, the unknown part is determined by the perimeter of the circle. So once someone got more knowledge, he/she has to confront more unknown things accord with the perimetre of the circle. It reveals that we are able to think deeply and broaderly based on the known knowledge and find things are more complex than we thought. For example, the nature of the universe always intrigued controversy among scientists, even the common people. It was depicted like a flat cubic at the medieval time until Comlubus travelld around the earth. Later, people considered the earth as the centre of the whole universe. But it again was disproved by Copernicus's theory that all planets, including the earth itself revolve around the sun. Additionally, modern observation by the telescope has discovered more and more phenomenons, such as the black hole, which cannot be explained even at this era, in which the rapid development of technological and science has brought great innovatin to human being. In a word, a new discovery usually arouses more complex discoveries.(universe nature 的例子显得长了些,两三句话就行了.而且你的总论点中没有转折这一层,就算有想必也是次要部分,这样看你这段就显得长了.其实你可以说显得复杂正说明了我们对事物的理解进了一步)
To sum up, albeit the world around us are becoming more and more complicated as we acquire more knowledge, we should not give up the determination of seek the truth behind them. Given the evidence mentioned above, which sometimes interweave to form an integrated whole and become more cogent, you may safely arrive the conclusion I advocate.
总的说不错,注意论据再多样化一些 |
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