issue151 作文倒计时中还有三天，这篇感觉还不错，请imong，feier指教

ceciliarenUID: 138976

麻烦大家改一下吧，多谢

issue151
"High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication."


As the pace of technological development accelerates, the emergence of the hyper-tech products has greatly changed our life. High-speed communications media have brought convenience to our life. We can’t imagine that today we can exchange our ideas over continents within a few seconds and look around the world sitting at home, all of which are make possible by the great technology. Nevertheless, as we are enjoying the comfort, we don't realize that some important part of our life has been deprived.

High-speed electronic communications media can perform most functions that traditional media have provided and have obvious advantages over traditional communications, high speed, vividness and economy. The thriving of internet and the penetration of computer into families have made more and more efficient high-speed media possible to the vast majority of people. Nowadays, E-mail has become one mainstream means among people since the nature of this sort of media can keep pace with today’s quick rhythm of life. Moreover, the content of the letter is as not monotone as it was before. We can insert images and music into our letter and we also can send more vivid and colorful electronic cards to our friends. The advent of chatting rooms and ICQ enable people to chat online even across continents.
  

Nevertheless, it seems that with the swift communication the high-speed media have brought us, the communication itself becomes so less serious and the meaningful communication is decreasing. After the electronic mail has emerged, the traditional means, know as the manuscript letters, have been obsolete. More and more people would like to open their computers and use keyboards to finish e-mail swiftly then send it only by clicking a button.  Admittedly, this means not only bring us convenience but economy. However, this virtue has also becomes the disadvantage. Since no one can prevent themselves from this tempting, they have become accustomed to the sort of swift letter without careful thinking. When writing a letter, people will consider more. Because of the easiness to send a e-mail, the attitude to writing a letter is also become less serious and earnest than ever before.

High-speed electronic communications media tend to create passive, isolated and indifferent communicators, preventing people from effective face-to-face interaction. We must concede that sometimes only conventional communication methods can provide us effective and meaningful interaction. Such as face-to-face communication we can exchange our views directly and understand the others meaning accurately since we can perform effective interaction. Yet it seems that the computer screen has separate our minds and tend to impede the efficient communication. People who prefer to chat on the internet are incline to stay in this fictitious world in which the genuine communication is impeded and people would like to be camouflaged. Moreover, The high- speed media have caused alienation among people to some degree. It seems that high-speed communication have enhanced our quality of life and saved our time, yet the alienation is increasingly obvious.

Ultimately, if we can make use of these means properly, these achievements can serve to enhance the well being of people for which they were originally designed. Another important thing we must realize is that when our life is replete with the hyper-tech products, the traditional things with their unique function and status can never been diminished and replaced.

feier521UID: 109747

As the pace of technological development accelerates, the emergence of the hyper-tech products has greatly changed our life. High-speed communications media have brought convenience to our life. We can’t(不要用缩写) imagine that today we can exchange our ideas over continents within a few seconds and look around the world （by）sitting at home, all of which are make（made） possible by the great technology. Nevertheless, as we are enjoying the comfort, we don't realize that some important part(s) of our life has been deprived.（we 太多啦, 开头三句话很生硬，没有连接词）

High-speed electronic communications media can perform most functions that （traditional media have provided and是不是多余） have obvious advantages over traditional communications（, 改为冒号:）high speed, vividness and economy. The thriving of internet and the penetration of computer into families have made more and more efficient high-speed media possible（available） to the vast majority of people. Nowadays, E-mail (e-mail) has become one mainstream means among people since the nature of this sort of media can keep pace with today’s quick rhythm of life. Moreover, the content of the letter is as not monotone as it was before (is not so monotone as it was before). We can insert images and music into our letter and we also can send more vivid and colorful electronic cards to our friends. The advent of chatting rooms and ICQ enable people to chat online even across continents. (我觉得后面的论述应该按照topic 里的high-speed, vividness, economy来论述，比较清晰一些)


Nevertheless, it seems that with the swift communication the high-speed media have brought us, the communication itself becomes so（？） less serious and the meaningful communication is decreasing（搭配不对！the meaning of the communication is decreasing）. After the electronic mail has emerged, the traditional means, know(n) as the manuscript letters, have been obsolete. More and more people would like to open their computers and use keyboards to finish e-mail swiftly then send it only by clicking a button. Admittedly, this means not only bring us convenience but economy(not only，but also 接并列，this means brings us both convenience and economy). However, this virtue has also become(s) the disadvantage. Since no one can prevent themselves from this tempting(temptation), they have become accustomed to the sort of swift letter without careful thinking. (When writing a letter, people will consider more.这句话太水了，删) Because of the easiness to send a（an） e-mail, the attitude to writing(write) a letter is also become(is become?) less serious and earnest than ever before.

(最好加个transition)High-speed electronic communications media tend to create passive, isolated and indifferent communicators, preventing people from effective face-to-face interaction. We must concede that sometimes only conventional communication methods can provide us effective and meaningful interaction. Such as face-to-face communication we can exchange our views directly and understand the others(’) meaning accurately since we can perform effective interaction(三个interaction？such as 有这么用的嘛？since？因果关系太弱啦). Yet it seems that the computer screen has separate（separated） our minds and tend to impede the efficient communication. People who prefer to chat on the internet are incline（are incline?） to stay in this fictitious world in which the genuine communication is impeded and people would like to be camouflaged. Moreover, the high-speed media have caused alienation among people to some degree（原因呢？感觉老是重复topic）. It seems that high-speed communication have(has) enhanced our quality of life and saved our time, yet the alienation is increasingly obvious.

Ultimately, if we can make use of these means properly, these achievements can serve to enhance the well being of people for which they were originally designed. Another important thing we must realize is that when our life is replete with the hyper-tech products, the traditional things with their unique function and status can never been diminished and replaced.
有没有受打击？：）
用词不错了，注意句和句，段与段之间的过渡，还有说理不是很充分！
加油，祝考个好成绩！

ceciliarenUID: 138976

多谢feier细心的修改，现在还是有这么多小错误，惭愧惭愧，平时练习的时候45min写到500多字似乎就没有时间检查了，看来还是要提高速度呀

realturtleUID: 69047

As the pace of technological development accelerates, the emergence of the hyper-tech products have greatly changed our life. High-speed communications media have brought convenience to our life. We can’t imagine that today we can exchange our ideas over continents within a few seconds and look around the world sitting at home, all of which are made possible by the great technology. Nevertheless, as we are enjoying the comfort, we don't realize that some important parts of our life has been deprived.

High-speed electronic communications media can perform most functions that traditional media have provided and have obvious advantages over traditional communications, high speed, vividness and economy. The thriving of internet and the penetration of computer into families have made more and more efficient high-speed media possible to the vast majority of people. Nowadays, E-mail has become one mainstream means among people since the nature of this sort of media can keep pace with today’s quick rhythm of life. Moreover, the content of the letter is as not monotone as it was before. We can insert images and music into our letter and we also can send more vivid and colorful electronic cards to our friends. The advent of chatting rooms and ICQ enable people to chat online even across continents.


Nevertheless, it seems that with the swift communication the high-speed media have brought us, the communication itself becomes so less serious and the meaningful communication is decreasing. After the electronic mail has emerged, the traditional means, know as the manuscript letters, have been obsolete. More and more people would like to open their computers and use keyboards to finish e-mail swiftly then send it only by clicking a button. Admittedly, this means not only bring us convenience but economy. However, this virtue has also becomes the disadvantage. Since no one can prevent themselves from this tempting, they have become accustomed to the sort of swift letter without careful thinking. When writing a letter, people will consider more. Because of the easiness to send a e-mail, the attitude to writing a letter is also become less serious and earnest than ever before.这就是题目要你论述的啊，你怎么两句话就完了？

你这段跟上段联系在哪？跟前面呢？High-speed electronic communications media tend to create passive, isolated and indifferent communicators, preventing people from effective face-to-face interaction. We must concede that sometimes only conventional communication methods can provide us effective and meaningful interaction. Such as face-to-face communication we can exchange our views directly and understand the others meaning accurately since we can perform effective interaction. Yet it seems that the computer screen has separate our minds and tend to impede the efficient communication. People who prefer to chat on the internet are inclined to stay in this fictitious world in which the genuine communication is impeded and people would like to be camouflaged. Moreover, The high- speed media have caused alienation among people to some degree. It seems that high-speed communication have enhanced our quality of life and saved our time, yet the alienation is increasingly obvious.我感觉你每段都想说一点，但似乎每点又论述得不太充分。

Ultimately, if we can make use of these means properly, these achievements can serve to enhance the well being of people for which they were originally designed. Another important thing we must realize is that when our life is replete with the hyper-tech products, the traditional things with their unique function and status can never be diminished and replaced.