【独立写作】lain0119的作业贴

kyoteiUID: 2992015

lain0119 发表于 2012-10-11 11:33
三天打鱼两天晒网是不好的行为

果断决定，让我老公帮你改。明天交给你，可以不？要不我改不出来。。在我眼里已经perfect了。。。

kyoteiUID: 2992015

求批改

本帖最后由 kyotei 于 2012-10-11 15:03 编辑


占座+10.10+独立
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1455979-1-3.html

喵呜~UID: 3339380

只发现了一处错误:L  第二段
Bad timing (even if it is early) can discount efforts while good timing can multiple（ 应该是multiply） them.
其他都很好

然后我擅自把你的作文贴到Romanus的作文修改铺  她的日程已经排到15号了 让她帮你修改    你的作文可能要久一点了

lain0119UID: 2695504

252132618 发表于 2012-10-11 19:11
只发现了一处错误  第二段
Bad timing (even if it is early) can discount efforts while good timing  ...

谢谢谢谢！麻烦你了！不过我怎么有种会被大牛狠批的感jua~不过作文就是需要被别人指出漏洞才能提高，自己读自己的文章真是越读越挑不出毛病sigh。。。

kyoteiUID: 2992015

lain0119 发表于 2012-10-11 11:33
三天打鱼两天晒网是不好的行为

比如詞性。第二段第5行的“multiple”，應作“multiply”
比如介詞。第二段第9行，“run out of sth“是固定用法，of不能忘
比如副詞。最後一段第2行，應是“necessarily or sufficiently”
-----以上是我老公提的意见。:p

lain0119UID: 2695504

1012 我还以为自己这次写得很快，结果还是要了快一个钟头。。。

森野夜UID: 2728302

lain0119 发表于 2012-10-12 23:46
1012 我还以为自己这次写得很快，结果还是要了快一个钟头。。。

不好意思:L 你传得文件我下载了打不开,包括你给我改的我也打不开,不知道为什么,请问能直接贴出文字来吗?或者你怎么调一下文件格式?我是03版的word

lain0119UID: 2695504

1018 独立

mpromanusUID: 2565872

lain0119 发表于 2012-10-11 11:33
三天打鱼两天晒网是不好的行为

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. People should take action now rather than later.

In a fast-paced society, the value of patience is often doubted. We are encouraged to do things as early as possible, but timing is also important. Moreover, even though taking action early can be justified, patience is still a key factor to our success. Therefore, I disagree with the statement.

To begin with, the assumption that taking action earlier is always superior to putting off can be problematic. (The original statement has explicitly used the word 'usually', and only the second part has a stronger allusion to 'always', so you might want to be a bit more specific about which part of the statement you're tackling.) Ever since my childhood, my parents educated me to be a diligent person through a story that only early birds can find their food. However, timing can also be critical as what if worms don’t show up so early? The same is true to the timing of starting a task. Bad timing (even if it is early) can discount efforts while good timing can multiply them (1. you don't usually 'discount' efforts; I'd think 'undermine' would be the word you want here; 2. Judging by the standard of language you've displayed so far I don't think you have confused 'effort' with 'effect', but 'effort' meaning 'achievement' is not a very common usage, and when used that way it emphasizes the effort needed to achieve something rather than the actual achievement – so I'm quite unsure why exactly you used 'efforts' here.). Take the presidential campaign for example. The most appropriate time for dense advertising (The word would be 'intense', or 'intensive', rather than 'dense'. 'dense' refers to physical compactness – that things are physically close to one another. So 'dense' advertising would mean the physical advertisements are placed very near each other, possibly over a small area – that might be true for a political campaign, but I don't think that's what you wanted to convey.) is the two days before voting day because the voters’ decision making is most shaped by their short-term memories. If a candidate pours all of the funding to campaign advertisement in the mid October, in correspondence with the idea of taking action now, it is highly possible this person will run out of money soon and be overwhelmed by the competitor’s advertising near the presidential day (Did you forget 'election'?). Therefore, as timing serves as a moderator (A 'moderator' is chiefly someone/something that maintains order in disputes and discussions. It is similar to but not exactly the same as a 'judge' - I don't really get what you mean by 'timing serves as a moderator', but my guess is that you probably meant 'judge'.), sometimes starting early may not be a smart strategy.

Further, even if being an early bird is desired, it is still necessary to stay in patience. To some people, setting off in an early stage means greater adjustment and less hastiness, but it may not sufficiently lead to success, especially for the repetitive and time-consuming work. For this kind of work, patience can be extremely important since such a quality indicates whether one can overcome tediousness and continuously perform his/her job with high quality. For example, Wolf, a 19th century astronomy scientist, spent over 40 years to observe sunspots since his youth. His patience was finally paid off as he discovered the 11-year-cycle of sunspots activity. Imagine if he quickly gave up because of the “endless” observation, Wolf wouldn’t achieve such revolutionary finding. In this sense, patience contributes to achievement to a large degree.(Yeah but I could also argue that Wolf managed to achieve this because he took action to start the observation EARLY in his life, which is to say, 'since his youth'. Starting AND ending an endeavor are TWO actions, and the patience you've described here applies only to not ending an endeavor too soon – it doesn't say much about whether one should take patience in starting to do something. So be mindful about how you describe your example – make sure it doesn't backfire on your point..)

In summary, the assumption and the rationale of the statement may be flawed. That is, taking action now doesn’t necessarily or sufficiently lead to better results. Even in a speeding era (I'm not really sure what this means.), patience is not out of date. Indeed, this quality helps individuals navigate through hardships and routine work to a final success.

总结：

This is a pretty good piece of work. Just be mindful about the odd grammatical mistakes and you should be fine for TOEFL.

April181UID: 2782403

大牛，昨天我两没被组长看到分组，就自动化为一组吧~啦啦
1018 revised by April~.doc (14.97 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2012-10-19 18:57:03 上传

下载次数: 3