【独立写作】ailin1232作业贴

mpromanusUID: 2565872

ailin1232 发表于 2013-3-11 13:27
已经仔细读过点评啦！实在是太认真了！几乎每句话都写了评论>

只能说这些属于坊间俗语的词用，特别是年轻人的流行语，是很有时效性变化超快的，不要说十年前的流行语十年后就可能完全没人用的，现在是两三年不见流行语就完全变个样子。教材几乎永远是落后于时代的，你如果再用背字典的方式去学就更容易以讹传讹了。。

bosom buddy: Yeah, sure, you would have used this phrase in the 80'-90's, but nobody says this anymore now. Plus, as I said, since 'bosom' means 'female breasts', 'bosom buddies' in particular refers to female best friends. And anyway this phrase has now been pretty much replaced by the acronym BFF (best friend forever). On top of all that, this usage is very informal and often stereotypically 'girlish'. The idea is that you use this kind of phrases when you want to sound like a typical 15-year-old female high schooler who reads 琼瑶..you know, that kind of image. Not all words/phrases of the same/similar meanings can be used interchangeably. Slang phrases are particularly difficult to use well so it's in fact easier to just stay formal.

bide your time: It's a phrase, indeed, but it has a very specific meaning of 'to bear with things and wait in the hope of better opportunities'. It doesn't just mean 'to bear with things and wait', like in a generic, plain sense. I understand why you want to use the phrase, and it's actually possible to make it appropriate for the context, but the way you described things is not showing enough of that faithful perseverance associated with 'bide' (that's why it's often associated with a religious or religious-like context). So again, it's not that you are not allowed to use such phrases, but that the style of your writing, and the context in which you intend to use this phrase, are not really appropriately set for the specific nuance of it. That's why I say 'deep' words are 'deep' for a reason.

Hope that helps.

翼_yoyoyoyoyUID: 3432838

改好了请查收~

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

5.31未改1.doc (19 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2013-6-1 18:46:21 上传

下载次数: 5

ailin1232UID: 3239593

秋雨荆州 发表于 2013-6-1 18:46

谢谢秋雨啦~ 能大致给这作文一个简单的评价吗？比如从语言和论述两方面的整体水平和问题~

andingmenUID: 3404670

已改

landroverlhUID: 2795993

改6.23 作业

ailin1232UID: 3239593

landroverlh 发表于 2013-6-24 23:06
改6.23 作业

看了你的点评，你说的非常对。。。这是我作文的一个比较明显的问题，我已经发现了，之前写的句子还长。。正在努力改  谢啦

bianzongaoUID: 3001180

论述需要加强，语法不错语言流畅
6.24-revised by bianzongao.docx (15.26 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2013-6-25 22:33:36 上传

下载次数: 4

ヤ.魔ポ☆.UID: 3381952

ok啦～加油～
revised by mo.docx (19.23 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2013-7-8 00:14:45 上传

下载次数: 6

mpromanusUID: 2565872

7.4 practice mp.docx (23.23 KB, 下载次数: 23)

2013-7-8 06:18:52 上传

下载次数: 23

ailin1232UID: 3239593

ヤ.魔ポ☆. 发表于 2013-7-8 00:14
ok啦～加油～

非常感谢mo!!~~ ：）~

ailin1232UID: 3239593

mpromanus 发表于 2013-7-8 06:19

谢谢ro大师！最后一个让你改作文的麻烦啦！
想问一下作文里面你提到的我经常会把副词加在 动词和名词之间 这样不好。然后你后面说的那些我没太看懂。。额解释一下~还有好像是因为我看到好多tpo阅读里面有这样的用法。。不过貌似是把副词加在形容词和动词之间。。比如"...are essentially helpful"这样的。。是不是我写的时候总不注意给在动词和名词之间加副词了==

mpromanusUID: 2565872

ailin1232 发表于 2013-7-8 03:01
谢谢ro大师！最后一个让你改作文的麻烦啦！
想问一下作文里面你提到的我经常会把副词加在 动词和名词之间 ...

噗哈哈哈我就知道拽语言学的东西会把人搞晕的（揍！）。。

基本上说就是你搞混了副词/形容词修饰的对象。。副词是修饰动词/形容词短语的，不修饰名词。。如果是带宾语的动词，比如你那个invest money，invest + money是一整个的动词短语，修饰动词invest的副词应该加在这个短语的‘外围’，也就是要么unnecessarily [invest money]，要么[invest money] unnecessarily，而不是把副词插在这个动宾结构中间。你要插中间的话只能是一个形容词，因为它只能修饰宾语名词~短语的结构就变成invest [unnecessary money]这样，unnecessary是修饰money而不是invest的了~tpo阅读那种也是类似，短语结构是are [essentially helpful]，之所以中间的是副词，因为它修饰的是它后面的那个形容词而不是be动词。以上~

ailin1232UID: 3239593

mpromanus 发表于 2013-7-8 17:32
噗哈哈哈我就知道拽语言学的东西会把人搞晕的（揍！）。。

基本上说就是你搞混了副词/形容词 ...

看来是我给写糊涂了
嘿嘿 谢谢啦！

zen赵天泽UID: 3370843

7.15
7.15 city development.docx (21.92 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2013-7-16 19:39:41 上传

下载次数: 4