Issue33 请指教

ciciwonderfulUID: 146466

" Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image . "

As the pace of marketization become faster and faster , while the coming of competition turn to be unavoidable , do people pay increased attention to acquire appealing image ? And is it really the reality or truth that is considered not so important in common people's eyes ? The answer for the former is definitely yes , however , for the later , I am afraid , is not so sure .

Undoubtedly , an appealing image plays a prominent role in modern competition. As we all realize , when the competition has come to the stage of white-heat , an appealing appearance can help a lot in the effort of trying to be outstanding as well as standing steady enough in the fierce contest . That is understandable , since consumers would be more likely to choose a well-waged product when they face a large amount of bands and companies are prone to choose a fit-suited candidate instead of a dressed untidy one . For human brain tends to link appealing image with good quality , excellent personal ability , and such kind . This has been proved by modern scientific research as well . In short words , an appealing image can help one to get more opportunities compared to those qualifed but looked not so appealing ones . More opportunities means fatter possibility of success , and that would be acted as an advantage in the process of competition .

In addition , appealing image means more than just " looks well " . A well-packed produce reflect the scrupulous style of a company  . For the aspect of human-to-human relationship , appealing image , concerned with suitable dressing and appropriate behavior , means polishing and respecting of others and helps to build a harmonious atmosphere . When coming to the point of a nation , the attractive image represent the level of economic booming and the degree of civilization .How important creating an appealing appearance  is in a society like ours ! No wonder the  novel industry like advertisement and cosmetology appears so popular nowadays .

Although an appealing image is important , there is no evidence to argue that the reality or truth behind that image turn to be less important , in fact , it is the context deeper than " skin " that shares more people's attention . Modern people have come to realize that if lack of the support essential content , an image will be break up quite soon and fails to stay longevity . Because A consumer may pay for a good-looking but poor-quality brand, but only one time ; a company may employ a appearance-attractive person without qualification , while the employment would not last long . So when Zhang Chaoyang ,the president of sohu , a dotcom company , said " Just appealing appearance but no essential content under the image ,the final would be the solely one ---- drown in the ocean of competition " , he was right . Therefore , most of the ambitious companies try every effort to enhance the quality of their product . And company cultural , group spirit , advanced technology , high quality staff , and such kind of items concerned with the truth behind an image acquire far more attention , as well as money and energy . Meanwhile , the booming of education , including evening school , the old university , the career education  , which add together , shows the tendency that people want to learn morn in order to improve both their inside and outside .

In fact , instead of unlinked ones , an appealing appearance and an essential content together make an organism . Without the back of reality and truth behind an image , the appealing appearance cannot really go anywhere , and in another aspect , the reality and truth need a magic image to make it be discovered and accepted quicker . All in all , both are quite important in the modern life , but the essential content is the real dominant power .

egg2000UID: 111631

" Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image . "

As the pace of marketization become(三单形式：becomes） faster and faster , while the coming of competition turn（三单形式，似乎你不大注意这个问题？） to be unavoidable （两个状语,是不是可以将其中一个改成句子更好一点呢?) do people pay increased attention to （pay attention to的to是介词，后面应该接名词或动名词）acquire appealing image ? And is it really （有用副词修饰名词的么？）the reality or truth that(你的这个that是什么成分？是it is ……that句型么？似乎句型里is后面接的只是形容词而已。如果你的that是同位语从句的引导词，那么在你的从句中似乎又缺少主语） is considered not so important in common people's eyes ? The answer （我似乎觉得answer后面是接to吧）for the former is definitely（是不是也要用形容词形式呀？你的yes这里是作为一个名词出现。不然前面的is怎么能接动词呢？） yes , however , for the later（后者：the latter） , I am afraid , is not so sure （so是不是可以不要？）.
第一段就这么多小毛病！
第一段最好很明确的将你的观点写出来，要有很明确的中心句。你这里只是用了设问句来表达看法，但是还不明确吧。

Undoubtedly , an appealing image plays a prominent role in modern competition. As we all realize , when the competition has come to the stage of white-heat（白热，我查了金山也只有white－hot（adj）这个词，没有它的名词形式。请不要随便造词，不一定人家承认的） , an appealing appearance can help a lot in the effort of trying to be outstanding as well as standing steady enough in the fierce contest . That is understandable , since consumers would be more likely to choose a well-waged（这个词，不好意思，我不大明白什么意思？消费者比较可能选择能很好支付工资的产品？很好支付工资于消费者什么关系？）product when they face a large amount of bands and companies are prone to choose a fit-suited candidate instead of a dressed untidy（两个adj并列,可以么？） one . For human brain tends to link appealing image(单独就名词放在这里，也不是复数形式，也不是专有名词，怎么没有冠词？） with good quality , excellent personal ability , and such kind（such kind？什么意思？） . This has been proved by modern scientific research as well . In short words , an appealing image can help one to get more opportunities compared to those qualifed but looked not so appealing ones . More opportunities means（这里又用三单，前面不是复数么？） fatter（用fat来修饰possibility？你确定） possibility of success , and that would be acted as an advantage in the process of competition （你的that从句里是不是缺主语呀？）.

In addition , appealing image（没有冠词） means more than just " looks well "（你用well adv来修饰名词？）. A well-packed produce reflect（又没有三单） the scrupulous style of a company . For the aspect of human-to-human relationship , appealing image（没有冠词） , concerned with suitable dressing and appropriate behavior , means polishing and respecting of others and helps to build a harmonious atmosphere . When coming to（When it comes to似乎是这个句型吧） the point of a nation , the attractive image represent（三单） the level of economic booming and the degree of civilization .How important creating an appealing appearance （how 后面是接adj，不接名词.what是接名词）is in a society like ours ! No wonder the novel industry like advertisement and cosmetology appears so popular nowadays .

下面没有看了。不想看了！不好意思！至少你可以用word来检查拼写错误，语法错误，但是你连这都没有作。你还是自己先看看吧，相信你自己也可以检查出一些可以避免的错误。

Ivy0929UID: 149906

pay increased（increasing） attention to

我认为第一段，你应该更加简洁，直接的提出观点，And is it really the reality or truth that is considered not so important in common people's eyes ? 这句话不太好懂
后面的段落你都是一直在陈述道理，感觉例子太少了，所以看着觉得有点乱。

大家都是新手，一起加油：）

crossingrainbowUID: 145603

edited by
bjzhj_2000

寄托新兵


来自:
积分:185
发帖数: 23
注册日期: 2003-09-09


No.1 修改的第一篇文章
" Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image. "

As the pace of marketization become (becomes) faster and faster, while the coming of competition turn (turns) to be unavoidable, do people pay increased (increasing) attention to acquire appealing image? And is it really (true that) the reality or truth that(删去that) is considered not so important in common people's eyes ? The answer for the former is definitely yes (不象是正规的书面语言), however, for the later, I am afraid, is not so sure.
(句势变得有些分散).
第一段的观点不明确，并且，语句不规范，不想是正规的书面语言。
Undoubtedly, an appealing image plays a prominent role in modern competition. As we all realize(know) , when the competition has come to the stage of white-heat(白热化是这麽拼吗incandesce) , an appealing appearance can help a lot in the effort of trying to be outstanding(lots of people to be outstanding) as well as standing(stand) steady enough in the fierce contest . That is understandable, since(because) consumers would be more likely to choose a well-waged product when they face a large(删去) amount of bands(?) and companies, who are prone to choose a fit-suited(decent) candidate instead of a dressed(删去) untidy one . For human brain tends to link appealing image with good quality and an excellent personal ability. This has been proved by modern scientific research as well . (这句话可以删去)In short words(in a word) , an appealing image can help one to get more opportunities compared to(with) those, who are qualified but looked not so appealing ones(删去ones) . More opportunities means fatter possibility (more possibilities) of success, and that would be acted as an advantage in the process of competition.

In addition, appealing image means more than just " looks well “(appealing image means more except for good-looking). A well-packed produce reflect the scrupulous style of a company. (这句话与谁都不相干)For the aspect of human-to-human relationship(human relationships) , appealing image , concerned with suitable dressing and appropriate behavior , means polishing(什麽意思) and respecting of others and helps to build a harmonious atmosphere . When coming to a nation (when it comes to), the attractive image represent the level of economic booming and the degree of civilization .How important creating an appealing appearance is in a society like ours! No wonder the novel industry like advertisement and cosmetology appears so popular nowadays. (这句话你想要说明什麽意思)

Although an appealing image is important , there is no evidence to argue that the reality or truth behind image turn to be less important , in fact , it is the context deeper than " skin " that shares more people's attention . Modern people have come to realize that if lack of the support substantial content , an image will be break up quite soon and fails to stay longevity . Because A consumer may pay for a good-looking but poor-quality brand, but only one time ; a company may employ a appearance-attractive person without qualification , while the employment would not last long . So when Zhang Chaoyang, the president of sohu , a dotcom company , said " Just appealing appearance but no essential content under the image ,the final would be the solely one ---- drown in the ocean of competition " , he was right . Therefore , most of the ambitious companies try every effort to enhance the quality of their product . And company cultural, group spirit, advanced technology, high quality staff , and such kind of items concerned with the truth behind an image acquire far more attention , as well as money and energy . Meanwhile , the booming of education , including evening school , the old university , the career education , which add together , shows the tendency that people want to learn more in order to improve both their inside and outside .

In fact , instead of unlinked ones , an appealing appearance and an essential content together make an organism . Without the back of reality and truth behind an image , the appealing appearance cannot really go anywhere , and in another aspect , the reality and truth need a magic image to make it be discovered and accepted quicker . All in all , both are quite important in the modern life , but the essential content is the real dominant power .
文章中确实有很多非常好的例子，但是，没有将他们很好的连接在一起，所以，总体看来结构混乱，没有章法。

BlueMapleUID: 142663

marketization 是自由市场经济化的意思。我查到的。