Issue75 thank!!

fortitudesagUID: 139374

. "The people who make important contributions to society are generally not those who develop their own new ideas, but those who are most gifted at perceiving and coordinating the talents and skills of others."

20:12

The statement mentioned above launches a question whether people make important contributions to society due to their own ideas or other opinions. Different people would hold diverse opinion owing to their different social experience and scope of knowledge. In my opinion, all the creators of the important contributions to society would have no relation with whether they possess the ideas themselves or perceiving the talents of others.

On the one hand, whatever countries the creators who make important contributions to society are, examples about that people who develop their own new ideas contribute to the accomplishments abound. In the long process of the entire scientific discovery, one would have to go very far to see that the countless compelling anecdotes, from the creation of heliocentric theory by Copernicus, to the foundation of gravity theory by Newton, and to the establishment of relativity theory by Einstein, all imprint on the pages of history the opinion that people would contribute to the development of society due to their own new ideas or opinions.

On the other hand, the entire history is filled with examples that people who are most gifted at perceiving and coordinating the talents and skills of others. As a matter of fact, leadership, which has been always regarded as the most important ability among all the faculties, promotes the science and technology, even the whole society, heading forward. A striking example which would lend the strongest support to this point might be the laboratory of Bohr, who has devoted his entire life on the research concerning the quantum theory. As most people know, Nobel price is the most illustrating award in the world according to its rare receptors and its high profits, which is always taken as the supreme glory and is pursued by the most scientists and researchers. To everyone's surprise, several scientists in the laboratory of Bohr, whose talents and skills are aggregated by their leader - Bohr - as the promoter of their total success, and the son of Bohr, whose talents also be developed his father, all have a chance to be given this supreme glory, which would best support the assumption that people who are most gifted at perceiving and coordinating the talents and skills of others also make important contributions to society.

To all intents and purposes, creativity and originality would be the most important characteristics to people who have made important contributions to society instead of others. From the examples mentioned above, we would have to go very far to see that those who make important contributions to society, whatever they could develop their own new ideas or be good at perceiving and coordinating the talents and skills of others, have these precious natures - creativity and originality.

To conclude, I strongly approve that people should foster their natures concerning creativity and originality and develop in their own terms, whether they are gifted at perceiving and coordinating the talents and skills of others or are good at developing new ideas or both. (500 words)

21:01 今天专门学了一下ivy0929的排比（在第二段），感觉好一点了。结构和论述，以及例子按照木耳的建议注意了一下，感觉还可以，谢谢所有帮助我的战友。这两天考试，帮别人改少了一点，不好意思。过阵子补回来。

豌豆UID: 144569

语言很干净,很整洁,语法错误也很少,长句用的也很好,语言上的优点大大的有!!
:)
比如examples about that people who develop their own new ideas contribute to the accomplishments abound
这个用法我是第一次见到,但从word上来看并没有语法错误,那这个用法就是,好,不落俗套
但还是要指出几个不尽如人意的地方
第3段看不大明白,Nobel price 和Bohr的关系没有你说的那么大,To everyone's surprise那个例子我也没怎么surprise,是否可以解释一下?感觉你是说people who are most gifted at perceiving and coordinating the talents and skills of others也能make important contributions to society ,但在说的没有明确提出那个人,而是讲了实验室.也许你意思是获得Nobel price 是很contributions to society 的,但前后两个意群衔接的不是很好.
后面两段和前面似乎已经脱节了,突然间冒出了creativity and originality ,有点强行扭进去的感觉.如果要阐述这个问题的话,起码在前面应该指出

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢先！！！
我的提纲可能有助于你理解；.
观点： In my opinion, all the creators of the important contributions to society would have no relation with whether they possess the ideas themselves or perceiving the talents of others.
1：个人观点创新可以
2：别人观点集合也可以。例子是Bohr, 虽然提到了他的实验室，我在语言上特别注意到这一点，你可以在体会一下吗。
3：所以与1和2关系不大，与creativity and originality 有关。
creativity and originality 确实应该在第一段提及，这一点我接受你的观点。但也有商榷的余地。

再致谢！

豌豆UID: 144569

我再次看了那一段,但觉得,既然你写了别人观点集合也可以做很大的贡献,但这个贡献写的实在是很少,或者是没有,只是提到了all have a chance to be given this supreme glory,先前花了很大的笔墨写Nobel price 到底是一个怎么样的supreme glory,这样你不觉得有点绕了一个大弯的感觉吗?
索性找一个已经得到了成功的类似Bohr的人.

fortitudesagUID: 139374

怎样将大部分内容集中与论点可能是我的主要问题，我总是企图举一个例子（可能与论点有关），但却很少将例子与主题联系起来，这可能就是问题所在。
谢谢豌豆指教！！