被删题目： pp3模拟的，题库里没有号。thank!! （title edited by imong）

fortitudesagUID: 139374

已用word修改过了，好多的拼写错误，心有点慌。
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

In the era of advanced scientific and technological development, people have enjoyed the advantages brought by the excellent accomplishment of science and technology. Yet whether people feel increasingly lonely or not has been a puzzling question in front of us. In my opinion, though the development of technological tools and their utilization make people less communication from a glance, they provide more approaches to communicate and whether people are lonely depends on their attitude.

In the first place, development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern splendid civilization. Everything around us, which almost usually be ignored by modern people, from the tele-communication to advanced vehicles, to internet linkage, then computer on various fields, and so forth, makes us life so convenient that none of us, though some of people complain the inconvenience brought by the modern civilization, would not like to go back to several centuries ago, even decades ago. From this point, in the different aspects of life and work and the like, people are enjoying the convenience brought by the modern civilization.

Obviously, development of technological tools results in the loneliness of people in many aspects. Though it seems that modern civilization make so much time for us to spend on other things which we would like to take part in, modern people find them forced to put their more time in their business due to the fierce competition. More and more people would spend less time instead of more time to stay with their family, especial with their old parents, who need this kind of communication most. Lack of face-to-face communication, modern civilization makes some people, especially those who like face-to-face communication, feel more loneliness than ever before.

However, achievement of technological tools, such as internet and computer, and so on, make those who really know their meaning less lonely. In contrast with those who feel lonely in this modern society, many young people, whose brains are filled with enormous knowledge, especially about how to utilize the modern tools, could find their funs in the internet, by exploring what they want, and playing games on line, and communicating with others through BBS, and so on. Around myself, happy young guys like those mentioned earlier, whose seems never feel a little lonely in modern society, abound. Therefore, we must concede that accomplishment of technological tools also make some people in this era enjoy their life.

Finally, whether people would feel lonely relies on how people look on this matter - their attitude. You might wander how come two different outcomes to the same development technological tools. The answer is that people would have to keep their attitude to life positive or optimistic rather than negative or pessimistic, which would help them feel less lonely. As we know, in the common life, there have still been many happy elders, who would not know how to surf on the internet, but they know how to find their happy things.

To conclude, I would claim that the development of technological tools and their utilities would make our life more convenient and colorful, and how people feel would have something to do with their attitude, which would not be improved by the negative performance, but be improved by their optimistic attitudes.
(546 words)

木耳UID: 123036

好饿,先吃饭去.
晚上再给你改吧

coolwitsUID: 149150

"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

In the era of advanced scientific and technological development, people have enjoyed the advantages（convenience,advantages是对客体而言的，比如：sth's advantage, or sb take advantage of sth） brought (about)by the excellent accomplishment of science and technology. Yet whether people feel increasingly lonely or not has been a puzzling question in front of us. (可以用yet相连么？有什么因果关系?)In my opinion, though the development of technological tools and their utilization make people less communication from a glance, they provide more approaches to communicate and whether people are lonely depends on their attitude.(最好具体一点)

In the first place, development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern splendid （splendid modern）civilization. Everything around us, which almost usually (重复)be ignored by modern people, from the tele-communication to advanced vehicles, to internet linkage, then computer on various fields, and so forth, makes us（our） life so convenient that none of us, though some of people (who)complain the inconvenience brought by the modern civilization, would not like to go back to several centuries ago, even decades ago. From this point, in the different aspects of life and work and the like, people are enjoying the convenience brought by the modern civilization.
论点说现代文明，论证时好像只说了convenience

Obviously(admittedly,obviously语气太强), development of technological tools results in the loneliness of people in many aspects. Though it seems that modern civilization （has）make （saved）so much time for us to spend on other（删掉） things which we would like to take part in, modern people find them forced to put their more time （more of their time）in their business due to the fierce competition.（这里最好具体点，能和loneliness挂上钩。不然的话也能这样理解：现代人压力太大，不懂得放松，就和主题无关了） More and more people would spend less time instead of more time to stay with their family, especial with their old parents, who need this kind of communication most. (这里感觉不好，是说导致了别人，比如说父母，的孤独吗？不是说这样不行，只是一会儿自己，一会儿别人，看着乱。其实可以分开讲，还显得有条理和看法全面)Lack of face-to-face communication, modern civilization makes some people, especially those who like face-to-face communication, feel more loneliness than ever before.
这段论证有问题，其实可以说正因为科技的发达，人们倾向于选择便捷的通信方式，像通过因特网交流什么的，反而缺少了face-to-face communication。对于一部分人who like face-to-face communication的人来说，他们在这种潮流下感到孤独，因为别人不愿意以传统的方式来和他们交流，一个巴掌拍不响

However, achievement of technological tools, such as internet and computer（s）, and so on, make （makes）those who really know their meaning less lonely. In contrast with those who feel lonely in this modern society, many young people, whose brains are filled with enormous knowledge, especially about how to utilize the modern tools, could find their funs in the internet, by exploring what they want, and playing games on line, and communicating with others through BBS, and so on. Around myself, happy young guys (guy是口语，最好换个词)like those mentioned earlier, whose （who）seems never feel a little lonely in modern society, abound. （太绝对了吧）Therefore, we must concede that accomplishment of technological tools also make some people in this era enjoy their life.（enjoy their life？扩大化了，最好紧扣loneliness）

Finally, whether people would feel lonely relies on how people look on this matter - (in other words)their attitude（towards the development technological tools）. You might wander how come two different outcomes to the same development technological tools. The answer is that people would have to keep their attitude to life positive or optimistic rather than negative or pessimistic, which would help them feel less lonely. （answer不足以回答上面的问题，只说了一个方面，即一种态度的产生原因）As we know, in the common life, there have still been （用完成时？“曾经有过？”）many happy elders, who would not know how to surf on the internet, but they know how to find their happy things.
第一句话不能作为这段的主题句，不知道你有没有把它当主题句的意思。因为后面是说产生不同态度的原因，而第一句话其实是对上面两段的总结

To conclude, I would claim that the development of technological tools and their utilities would make our life more convenient and colorful, and how people feel would have something to do with their attitude（什么attitude？具体点）, which would not be improved by the negative performance, but be improved by their optimistic attitudes.

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢coolwits！！！
1、(about)by----------------about可以表示被动吗？
2、 (可以用yet相连么？有什么因果关系?)-----------------yet是转折连词，不表因果，
3、which almost usually (重复)be ignored --------------------例句，有链接。

These places are for the average Cuban and
therefore subject to the ongoing shortages that plague the island. While cheap , the selection
is almost usually limited. This brings us to the final and best option, the Paladares. ...
www.epinions.com/ trvl-review-1637-19CDC7F3-3A3E931B-prod4 - 44k -
4、 though some of people (who)complain the inconvenience brought by the modern civilization,--------------though从句不能只有一个名词，who不能加。
5、论点说现代文明，论证时好像只说了convenience------------------从具体到一般的例证法嘛：）

6、forced to put their more time （more of their time）---------------------你的用法更常见，我的也有，不算错吧？
Danyal's role in the village Chaprote seems very significant, where
people spent their more time with spiritual thinking than the social sanctions. ...
www.mtnforum.org/resources/library/hussa98a.htm - 22k

7、seems never feel a little lonely in modern society, abound. （太绝对了吧）------------------------我没有用all，total，那个词导致你有这个感觉？
8、第一句话不能作为这段的主题句，不知道你有没有把它当主题句的意思。因为后面是说产生不同态度的原因，而第一句话其实是对上面两段的总结-----------------------------第五段就是要解决前两段存在的矛盾的原因，就是人们怎么看待事物。
9、你改的很细，看得出思维很严谨，在关键得地方是需要一些定语成分（从句、分词什么的），这不好把握，慢慢提高吧！你也发一篇issue，我看看论证和严谨。
致谢！！

rebecca1983UID: 149834

一个小错误
Lack of face-to-face communication,（应该用lacking，原句中lack是名词，意思变成modern civilization是lack了，逻辑不对） modern civilization makes some people, especially those who like face-to-face communication, feel more loneliness than ever before.

realturtleUID: 69047

"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

In the era of advanced scientific and technological development, people have enjoyed the advantages brought by the excellent accomplishment(s)of science and technology. Yet whether people feel increasingly lonely or not has been a puzzling question in front of us. In my opinion, though the development of technological tools and their utilization make people (have)less communication from a glance(ar first glance), they provide more approaches to communicate(use its n. here) and whether people are lonely depends on their attitudes.

In the first place, (the)development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern splendid (the splendid modern)civilization. Everything around us, which almost usually be ignored by modern people, from the tele-communication to advanced vehicles, to internet linkage, then computers on (in)various fields, and so forth, makes us(our) life so convenient that none of us, though some (of去掉) people complain the inconvenience brought by the modern civilization,(不如移到句末) would not like to go back to several centuries ago, even decades ago. From this point, in the different aspects of life and work and the alike, people are enjoying the convenience brought by the modern civilization.

Obviously, development of technological tools results in the loneliness of people in many aspects. Though it seems that modern civilization make so much time for us to spend on other things which we would like to take part in, modern people find them forced to put their more(more of their) time in their business due to the fierce competition. More and more people would spend less time instead of more time to stay with their family, especial with their old parents, who need this kind of communication most. Lack of face-to-face communication, modern civilization makes some people, especially those who like face-to-face communication, feel more loneliness(lonrly) than ever before.

However, achievement of technological tools, such as (the)internet and computer, and so on, make those who really know their meaning less lonely. In contrast with those who feel lonely in this modern society, many young people, whose brains are filled with enormous knowledge, especially about how to utilize the modern tools, could find their funs in(on) the internet, by exploring what they want, and playing games on line, and communicating with others through BBS, and so on. Around myself, happy young guys like those mentioned earlier(above), whose(who) seems (seem)never feel a little lonely in modern society, abound(?). Therefore, we must concede that accomplishment of technological tools also make some people in this era enjoy their life.

Finally, whether people would feel lonely relies on how people look on this matter - their attitude. You might wander how come(there are) two different outcomes to the same development technological tools. The answer is that people would have to keep their attitude to life positive or optimistic rather than negative or pessimistic, which would help them feel less lonely. As we know, in the common life, there have still been many happy elders, who would not know how to surf on the internet, but they know how to find their happy things.

To conclude, I would claim that the development of technological tools and their utilities would make our life more convenient and colorful, and how people feel would have something to do with their attitude, which would not be improved by the negative performance, but be improved by their optimistic attitudes.

用词最好多样化点，not always lonely or so
另外，我个人觉得你的例子（how young people use internet to have fun）不是特别有说服力
因为回头看你上一段说到人们如何在沟通方面存在的问题，光是通过internet和positive, optimistic attitudes towards life不一定都能解决，而且所谓的态度也稍嫌宽泛，可以再具体说一下，比如怎么样自己去创造交流机会（利用现代工具）自己去找乐子等等，可以把第二段，就是说现代技术，工具的利用带来的好处那段压缩一下

coolwitsUID: 149150

1.bring about, 导致，产生。
2. yet的确是转折连词，我改错了，见笑，：p
3.almost usually. 这应该算高级用法了，嘿嘿，又学到东西。是我改错了
4。Everything around us, which almost usually be ignored by modern people, from the tele-communication to advanced vehicles, to internet linkage, then computer on various fields, and so forth, makes us life so convenient that none of us, though some of people complain the inconvenience brought by the modern civilization, would not like to go back to several centuries ago, even decades ago.
仔细读了几遍，感觉在读杨鹏的难句，你两次在主语和谓语之间加了很长的插入语，由不得我不中招阿。这样是好是坏，说不好。
5。用具体来代表一般不是不行，只是最后要绕回来，我觉得你绕得，if ever, 不太好。
6。又是高级用法，嘿嘿，同意认错
7。我是觉得那个never有点扎眼
8。Finally, whether people would feel lonely relies on how people look on this matter - their attitude.
那一句读上去就让人感觉是主题句，虽然它不是，还是把finally拿掉或者换个地方
最好嘛，整句不要，后面的顶上来，读起来也很顺阿～～

好啊，我写了一定发上来，不过我比较懒，好几天才写一篇，嘿嘿
还有，我也肯定犯很多的逻辑错误的，因为当局者迷嘛
我昨天不前天发了一篇issue93,你有兴趣可以看看

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢rebecca1983！
谢谢realturtle！

to realturtle:
1、 happy young guys like those mentioned earlier(above)------------------earlier 可以。
As mentioned earlier, multimedia does not reside only on CD-ROMs but also on the World Wide Web. Below
there are some sites that will provide one to learn through the Internet by the use of multimedia. There are great ...
afrinet.intnet.mu/competition2002/ sangele/My%20Webs/mulwebtx.htm - 5k -
2、 happy young guys like those mentioned earlier(above), whose(who) seems (seem)never feel a little lonely in modern society, abound(?)------------------abound 是谓语。

fortitudesagUID: 139374

谢谢coolwits！！
1、forced to put their more time （more of their time）---------------还是我错，例句有than，我的没有。
2、我是觉得那个never有点扎眼--------------接受
8。Finally, whether people would feel lonely relies on how people look on this matter - their attitude.
那一句读上去就让人感觉是主题句，虽然它不是，还是把finally拿掉或者换个地方-------------我的二次表达有误，就是按主题句写的，我写的较面，哪能离开框架。

realturtleUID: 69047

最初由 fortitudesag 发布
[B]谢谢rebecca1983！
谢谢realturtle！

to realturtle:
1、 happy young guys like those mentioned earlier(above)------------------earlier 可以。
As mentioned ea..

以下省略...... [/B]

I see
I know earlier is okay
i think earlier refers to sth you mentioned earlier than above :-)