issue7

rogerathpUID: 144504

32. The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

12:30
　As is widely acknowledged, in the information era the new technology is changing our way of life especially in the aspect of recording the events more accurately and convincingly. The video camera, result of the new technology, enables us to record the colorful life from the common daily life to the exciting football game, from historic events to the research work which almost includes every corner of the human beings. Compared to the written form of records, the video camera can throw more light on our lives with no doubt.

　Firstly, the video camera enabling us to record the dynamic pictures of what happened will gave us a whole picture of what the owner of the video want to share with us. The video, which generally includes the motion pictures and sound of events, together with the special methods of catching by the owner will give the viewer a concrete feeling of what had happened. The famous   introduction video of China, which was presented by the Chinese artist in the competition of the host city for the Olympics 2008 among the several contestants, shows so vividly what Chinese culture will bring to the world that moved every committee member and got the host right finally. If this is in the written form, how could so many committee members have a perceptual concept of what China is and convinced them of choosing China to be the host for Olympics in such a short period?

　Secondly, the video can provide us with the record as accurate as what we want while the written ones can not. In the scientific research, the video with high resolution can help scientists to identify the unknown objects from the known ones while it’s impossible for the human’s eyes, to catch the scenes where people can not arrive at such as on the moon or in the pyramid, help judges to record the sequence of athletes that pass the finishing line very accurately whereas the written records are futile under all these circumstances. With the information we gained from the video camera, our life becomes more convenient and colorful.

　However, video camera is not panacea that solves all the problems we encounter in our life. People can share their abstract opinions of what they reflect on which includes the description of the thinking in the written forms. This records the thoughts of human while the new electrical miracles such as video cameras can’t record. In addition, in some places without electricity, the video cameras even can not work at all while the written form also presents the information to us as it was.

　Conclusively, as one coin has two sides, everything has its drawbacks. Written documents do have its own advantages, but video cameras can get the information more directly, accurately and completely for us to use. We should enjoy the convenience the new technology brings to us that may partly change our life to a better level.

13:10

imongUID: 140258

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请点击你的帖子右下角的编辑，把文章改为比较友好的格式，尤其是换行的部分，并且将标题改为要求格式。。

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realturtleUID: 69047

32. The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

12:30
　As is widely acknowledged, in the information era the new technology is changing our way of life especially in the aspect of recording the events more accurately and convincingly. The video camera, (a)result of the new technology, enables us to record the colorful life from the common daily life to the exciting football game(match和你的common对应), from historic events to the research work which almost includes every corner of the (life of) human beings. Compared to the written form of records, the video camera can throw more light (不知道你是不是想写shed more light但那个词指的是给什么提供了更多线索，使什么清楚显出来之类的意思，用于此处不通)on our lives with no doubt.

　Firstly, the video camera enabling us to record the dynamic pictures of what happened will gave(give) us a whole picture of what the owner of the video want to share with us. The video, which generally includes the motion pictures and the sound of events, together with the special methods of catching by the owner will give the viewer a concrete feeling of what had happened. The famous introduction(introductory) video of China, which was presented by the Chinese artist in the competition of (for)the host city for(of) the Olympics 2008 among the several contestants, showed so vividly what Chinese culture will bring to the world that moved every committee member and got the host right (won China the host right)finally. If this is in the written form, how could so many committee members have a perceptual concept of what China is and convinced them(be convinced of注意主语，前面一个改动也是类似) of choosing China to be the host for Olympics in such a short period?

　Secondly, the video can provide us with the record as accurate as what we want while the written ones can not. In the scientific research, the video with high resolution can help scientists to identify the unknown objects from the known ones while it’s impossible for the human’s eyes, to catch the scenes where people can not arrive at such as on the moon or in the pyramid, help judges to record the sequence of athletes that pass the finishing line very accurately whereas the written records are futile under all these circumstances. With the information we gained from the video camera, our life becomes more convenient and colorful.

　However, video camera is not panacea that solves all the problems we encounter in our life. People can share their abstract opinions of what they reflect on which includes the description of the thinking in the written forms. This records the thoughts of human while the new electrical miracles such as video cameras can’t record. In addition, in some places without electricity, the video cameras even can not work at all while the written form also(still) presents the information to us as it was.

　Conclusively, as one coin has two sides, everything has its drawbacks. Written documents do have its own advantages, but video cameras can get (make)the information more directly, accurately and completely for us to use. We should enjoy the convenience the new technology brings to us that may partly change our life to a better level.

rogerathpUID: 144504

能不能给点总体评价，如结构上的，说理够不够等等

imongUID: 140258

人家要你说明的是 more important， 你的前两段说了video camera的好处，但是却没有作比较——就差这一步。明白？少了这一步，前两段话，"可以"算作完全离题的。（当然，这是把话往重了说。:D）

而后面两段的毛病在于，前面一直都在说video好，结果突然来了个video不好，然后说要调和。一般来讲，都是把基调在第一段就打好，后面是绕着基调走，另出没交待过的新论点（而且还是很突兀的那种）这种事情比较危险的。

用词方面看起来有一定基础，不过需要努力提高，例如video camera is not panacea that solves all the problems we encounter in our life，that后面的从句其实从意思上来说很多余的。今天一下午都在整理版面，太累了，不想再仔细的一个个纠正。去学习学习范文，然后参考一下issue习题库的作文。

也希望你多多参与这里的讨论，交流拓展思路，给别人的文章提提意见，不要有“怕mislead别人”之类的顾虑，参与和交流会帮助自己提高的，帮助别人也帮助自己。尤其是你的语言底子看上去还不错，多和别人交流的话彼此都能提高很快的。热心帮助别人的话会优先得到斑竹的关注哦！

还有一件事，注意发文章的时候，标题要写成要求的格式。我看到你把文章格式修改了，不过仍然有两点：第一，这道题题号是issue7，不是32，我不知道你怎么找的？第二，就是标题的问题。主要是为了将来整理帖子和网友查找方便才这样规定的，谢谢合作。具体内容请看本版公告：https://bbs.gter.net/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

rogerathpUID: 144504

谢谢你的意见，很有帮助阿
我看了看，Secondly, the video can provide us with the record as accurate as what we want while the written ones can not. 我觉得是比较啊
help judges to record the sequence of athletes that pass the finishing line very accurately whereas the written records are futile under all these circumstances. 好像也是比较

由于我是新手，没写过几篇文章，这里也是新来的，希望大家批评和指正，平时工作忙，但总会抽空拿点东西上来，也会给别人的作文提点小意见。希望大家在一个月后都取得好成绩