issue24 请指正

beckhamwiseUID: 142845

24"People in positions of power are most effective when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power."

Position: Caution and restraint are essential for people in position of power if they want to be effective.

A) Caution does not mean fear of making mistakes and restraint is not equal to doing nothing.
B) Realizing the importance of caution and restraint cannot be neglected, for they gurrenteer the effectiveness of power.
C) Although we should pay attention to caution and restraint, we should also do what we think is beneficial.

  Nowadays, it can be heard that a lot of officials fall into the pitfall of corrupt, and abuse the power in hand. Obviously, the abuse of power has become a severe problem, which damage the society and the whole nation. Acts of preventing this phenomenon are badly in need, one of which is to let people in position of power know that they are most effective when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power.

  First of all, we should get to know that caution does not mean fear of making mistakes and restraint is never equal to doing nothing, as many people think. Since one is in the position of the power, he has the ability to make full use of the power and bring benefit to his group, or to the society. He, at first, should have the confidence that if not deviating the principle, it is not likely to make mistakes. This is just like a equipment, although very sophisticated, which can be well used if it is according to the instruction. Caution, that is, refer to the care to obey the principle, not the fear of making mistakes. For a mayor, as an example, his caution is to preside the work of the government carefully, and to prevent any disorder, which will bring disaster not only the government, but also to citizens as well. If he interprets the caution as fear, and is afraid of doing anything, even the simplest for him, the machine of government will surely break down, and mishap is also ineluctable. Then, the restraint in the use of power means using the power in the legal range, not doing nothing. Even the President, who has a great power over the nation, has to behave in his field. He may start a war, enact a new policy, or do other things, but he can never violate the law. And if he does, the days of his have come to an end. On the other hand, if the President has just a position, and doing nothing that is really advantageous to the country, can we expect him in his position for long? Only after understanding the definition of caution and restraint, can it be possible for those in power to be effective.

  Caution and restraint, just as well explained above, gurrenteer the effectiveness of the power, and can never be neglected. Why there are so many people who abuse their power is not because what do caution and restraint mean, but they do not take them serious. Once they treat them as air, and do what ever they like with their power, there is little hope for us to expect him to be effective and devoted to the nation. Why, are these two linked tightly? It is not difficult to see. Those in power, who are not restrained by the law, and pay no caution to his work, think they can get whatever they want. For the first time, maybe, he is careful, afraid of being discovered. After he makes it once, his avarice expands, there is probably the second time, and then the third, the fourth, and so on. Each time, he becomes greedier, and more "braver". It is apparent that where are the benefit they get from, maybe from the taxes, or the income of the factory. Since they devour what does not belong to them, but to others or the publicity, their behaviors certainly have no effectiveness, but harm. That is how the abuse of caution and restraint cause the loss of effectiveness of people in power. Only if they are restrained and have caution on their power can it be likely for them to be effective and make contribution to others.

  However, although caution and restraint are indispensable, there is no need for us to worry about acting aberrantly, and if we think that something is really beneficial, just do it. Power should not be abandoned, but also ought not to be useless. Our power, which is not inborn but given, is for the goal of improving our society and strengthening our country. If, with the constriction of the caution and the restraint, we behave absolutely in safety, and cannot origin more that are helpful, our effectiveness is also lost. That is what we are not willing to see. With the time passing, the caution and restraint are also changing. Keeping up with them is the most effective way to be effective for people who have power.

  After all, caution and restraint take a great play in our work. If they are paid attention, and everybody can keep them in mind, our society, as well as those in power, will become more effective undoubtedly.

imongUID: 140258

Nowadays, it can be heard that a lot of officials fall into the pitfall of corrupt, and abuse the power in hand. Obviously, the abuse of power has become a severe problem,（去掉逗号） which （其实前面那个severe可以放到这里的）damage the society and the whole nation. Acts of preventing this phenomenon（occurrence） are badly in need, one of which is to let people in position of power know that they are most effective when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power.这个on of which能不能这样写我恐怕要打个问号，而且我觉得开头扯得有点远？人家要说的是effective，你把题目变成了let these people know that … （等于默认/承认了主题）然后可以防止腐败？

First of all, we should get to know that caution does not mean fear of making mistakes and restraint is never equal to doing nothing, as（as的语气有点弱，前后对比可以强烈一些，写成we must clarify… since many people mistakenly equates the former with the latter…之类的，如果按照你的论点。这个句子是我随手写的，谨供参考）many people think. Since one is in the position of the（the多余？） power, he has the ability to make full use of the power and bring benefit to his group, or to the society. He, at first, should have the confidence that if not deviating the principle, it is not likely to make mistakes.（颠倒一下顺序，have the confidence that no mistakes would be made if …，结构紧凑，尽量少写7+7的散句子） This is just like a（an） equipment, although very sophisticated, which can be well used if it is according to the instruction（although? which? 没看懂你的意思，语气怪怪的，是不是少写了什么）. Caution, that is, refer to （that is 和which refers to重复了）the care to obey the principle, not the fear of making mistakes. For a mayor, as an example, his caution is to preside the work of the government carefully, and to prevent any disorder, which（which和前面连起来。） will bring disaster not only the government, but also to citizens as well（bring disaster to not only gov but also 老百姓。注意to的位置，小错误。） If he interprets the caution as fear, and is afraid of doing anything, even the simplest for him, the machine of government will surely break down, and mishap is also ineluctable.（用词很华丽但是句子非常散。） Then, the restraint in the use of power means using the power in the legal range, not doing nothing. Even the President, who has a great power over the nation, has to behave in his field. He may start a war, enact a new policy, or do other things, but he can never violate the law. And if he does, the days of his have come to an end.（时态不对） On the other hand, if the President has just a position, and doing nothing that is really advantageous to the country, can we expect him in his position for long? Only after understanding the definition of caution and restraint, can it be possible for those in power to be effective.
语言上不是很通顺，下面的部分没有给你改。论点的话，我觉得你没有太理会effective这个词，看起来也不顺利，我个人认为有些偏题。你到底怎么理解effective的，除了腐败以及腐败相关的东西有没有想到过其它的方面？而且我只仔细看了第二段，caution和fear的论证用了很大篇幅，但是和主题的关系？也许是我对这个题目的有保留看法的原因。看看别人对你的文章的意见吧，我觉得好像没有上一篇文章写得好的样子。
还有，guarantee这个词是这样写的。