issue137 我知道有许多的ISSUE题材十分难写，现在我修改了以前写的ISSUE137， 现

billywolfcnUID: 132764

我知道有许多的ISSUE题材十分难写，现在我修改了以前写的ISSUE137， 现请大家评一评， 我也做了一些模板如果行的话下次我把它贴出来。



Issue 137
Progress we call today is a matter of exchanging from one problem to another.
In the era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, the conception of progress we call today is not simply define as a matter of exchanging from one to another, it should be more understanding.


To begin with, people should know the definition of progress. From the view of Darwin in his novel-- evolution, (I paraphrased), human progress is based on the change of themselves, not only solve the problems that have puzzled for a long period, but also pursue the new ones. When we are based on this conception, the statement launch the issue that progress is a kind of form with the matter exchanging from one to another, is partially reasonable. As a matter of fact, throughout the entire of human history, it is easy to find that human progress usually would rely on the matter exchange. For instance, in the realm of pharmacy, when some scientists found the bacteria existed in the human body, and later, German scientist Alexander Fleming discovered new antibiotics--- penicillin that could destroy the germs, nevertheless, while people were congratulating this vast discovery, new problems that enormous number of people in the world would get allergy, if injecting penicillin. It is true that human pace in the medicine realm was experiencing vast forward, however, this progress was based on the exchanging matter, from finding solution to kill germs to seek way to prevent allergy of penicillin.

Simply put, without a matter of exchanging, human could not promote the development of civilization. While human pace is continuously going forward, image that if only concentrate in one matter without expanding to another one, we cannot endure our science booming, and cultural evolution. As the deep development of our complex society, increasing number of people not limit in attention of solving one matter, in the contrary, they will relate others to discover the common point and seek short-cut solution.


On the other hand, generally speaking, not only is progress we call today a matter transform from one to another, but is progress that people can properly solve the problem deeply in any realms, and seek new requirements in order to satisfy the needs of improvement of human society, what is more is that human should seek a further distance in one field. In order to explain my view, we can example the realm of communication to prove that. In the ancient era, people only know transmitting information through the pigeon, signals, etc; no advanced tools existed. With the rapid growing of technology, we could use telephone, and fax to finish our communication. Nevertheless, now, Internet has replaced most fax, and communication tools to help people to connect relevant people to discuss issue. The Internet conference, instant picture transform is a kind of progress in the realm of communication. In other words, when people think whether they will change the matter from one factor to another, the more direct way to solve the matter is to deeply discovering. From pigeon to telephone, to fax, to Internet, to instant mobile communication today, this is real progress in human history.


In sum, as a duty of anthropologist, we could not simply attribute that a matter exchanging is all of the progress of human society, all aspects of the understanding of progress should not be ignored. Thus, the analysis of progress must be concerned more completely.

fortitudesagUID: 139374

Progress we call today is a matter of exchanging from one problem to another.
In the era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, the conception of progress we call today is not simply define（被动） as a matter of exchanging from one to another, it should be more understanding.


To begin with, people should know the definition of progress. From the view of Darwin in his novel-- evolution, (I paraphrased), human progress is based on the change of themselves, not only solve the problems that have puzzled for a long period, but also pursue the new ones（动词原形可以吗？）. When we are based on this conception, the statement launch（又是动词原型） the issue that progress is a kind of form with the matter exchanging from one to another（is a kind of a matter exchanging from one to another), is partially reasonable. As a matter of fact, throughout the entire of human history, it is easy to find that human progress usually would rely on the matter exchange. For instance, in the realm of pharmacy, when some scientists found the bacteria existed in the human body, and later, German scientist Alexander Fleming discovered new antibiotics--- penicillin that could destroy the germs, nevertheless, while people were congratulating this vast discovery, new problems that enormous number of people in the world would get allergy, if injecting penicillin. It is true that human pace in the medicine realm was experiencing vast forward, however, this progress was based on the exchanging matter, from finding solution to kill germs to seek way to prevent allergy of penicillin.

Simply put, without a matter of exchanging, human could not promote the development of civilization. While human pace is continuously going forward, image that if only(if only 跟句子居多，偶有分词，没有动词原型） concentrate in one matter without expanding to another one, we cannot endure our science booming, and cultural evolution. As the deep development of our complex society, increasing number of people not（助动词呢？） limit in attention of solving one matter, in the contrary, they will relate others to discover the common point and seek short-cut solution.


On the other hand, generally speaking, not only is progress we call today a matter transform from one to another, but is progress that people can properly solve the problem deeply in any realms, and seek new requirements in order to satisfy the needs of improvement of human society, what is more is that human should seek a further distance in one field. In order to explain my view, we can example the realm of communication to prove that. In the ancient era, people only know transmitting information through the pigeon, signals, etc; no advanced tools existed. With the rapid growing of technology, we could use telephone, and fax to finish our communication. Nevertheless, now, Internet has replaced most fax, and communication tools to help people to connect relevant people to discuss issue. The Internet conference, instant picture transform is a kind of progress in the realm of communication. In other words, when people think whether they will change the matter from one factor to another, the more direct way to solve the matter is to deeply discovering（to是介词？）. From pigeon to telephone, to fax, to Internet, to instant mobile communication today, this is real progress in human history.


In sum, as a duty of anthropologist, we could not simply attribute that a matter exchanging is all of the progress of human society, all aspects of the understanding of progress（两个句子之间至少有个and吧，改为-------and at the same time, understanding all aspects of progress) should not be ignored. Thus, the analysis of progress must be concerned more completely.

你应该注意一下动词形式

coolwitsUID: 149150

Progress we call today is a matter of exchanging from one problem to another.

In the era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement(这句太绕了), the conception of progress we call today is not （can never be,发表观点要强悍一点）simply define（被动） as a matter of exchanging from one to another, it should be more understanding.

To begin with, people should know the definition of progress. From the view of Darwin in his novel-- evolution, (I paraphrased), human progress is based on the change of themselves, not only solve the problems that have puzzled for a long period, but also pursue the new ones（？）When we are based on this conception, the statement launch（又是动词原型） the issue that progress is a kind of form with the matter exchanging from one to another（is a kind of a matter exchanging from one to another), is partially reasonable. As a matter of fact, throughout the entire （of删掉） human history, it is easy to find that human progress usually would （顺序错了）rely on the matter exchange. For instance, in the realm of pharmacy, when some scientists found the bacteria existed in the human body, and later, German scientist Alexander Fleming discovered new antibiotics--- penicillin that could destroy the germs, nevertheless, while people were congratulating this vast discovery, new problems that enormous number of people in the world would get allergy, if injecting penicillin. It is true that human pace in the medicine realm was experiencing vast forward, however, this progress was based on the exchanging matter, from finding solution to kill germs to seek way to prevent allergy of penicillin.
这段是对作者观点的部分支持，应该在开头明确一点提出，不要说什么know the definition of progress，让人一头雾水

Simply put, without a matter of exchanging, human could not promote the development of civilization. While human pace is continuously going forward, image that if only(if only 跟句子居多，偶有分词，没有动词原型） concentrate in one matter without expanding to another one, we cannot endure our science booming, and cultural evolution. As the deep development of our complex society, increasing number of people not（助动词呢？） limit in attention of solving one matter, in the contrary, they will relate others to discover the common point and seek short-cut solution.


On the other hand, generally speaking, not only is progress we call today a matter transform (ing)from one to another, but is progress that people can properly solve the problem deeply in any realms, and seek new requirements in order to satisfy the needs of improvement of human society, what is more is that human should seek a further distance in one field.（这句组织得不好，完全可以拆开说） In order to explain my view, we can example the realm of communication to prove that. In the ancient era, people only know transmitting information through the pigeon, signals, etc; no advanced tools existed. With the rapid growing of technology, we could use telephone, and fax to finish our communication. Nevertheless, now, Internet has replaced most fax,（这句断言没有根据） and communication tools to help people to connect relevant people to discuss issue. The Internet conference, instant picture transform is a kind of progress in the realm of communication. In other words, when people think whether they will change the matter from one factor to another, the more direct way to solve the matter is to deeply discovering（to是介词？）. From pigeon to telephone, to fax, to Internet, to instant mobile communication today, this is real progress in human history.


In sum, as a duty of anthropologist, we could not simply attribute that a matter exchanging is all of the progress of human society, all aspects of the understanding of progress（两个句子之间至少有个and吧，改为-------and at the same time, understanding all aspects of progress) should not be ignored. Thus, the analysis of progress must be concerned more completely.

就像fortitudesag说的，组织长句的时候，要特别注意动词的时态，我们指出来了一些，还有不少要考你自己找找。
还有说说文章的主次，你对作者的态度是有保留的反对。那样的话，就要在作出让步之后，集中火力驳斥作者的观点，你让步让了两段，只反驳了一段，有点主次不分。
不想大改的话，改一下自己的论点。