issue3

david_ganUID: 142106

这是欧的gre作文处女作。（一共才写过这么一篇,无地自容ing）
本来实在是不好意思拿出来的。觉得这样的文章让人批有点浪费别人的时间，太烂了点。
不过为了让大家更好的提些意见。还是自私一下^_^

ISSUE 3
“It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.”

主题Both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and find a good balance between them.
1．Critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in.
2．We can learn much from solving existing social problems.
3．Money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches.


It has been argued for years that whether we should allocate more money for the immediate existing social problems or for the long-term researches that might help future generations. Some people argue that the social problems, such as the drug-taking, terrorism, and the over-population, must be solved first, as a safe and healthy society is the foundation of all other researches. And more money should be allocated on those social problems. But many other people allege that it's short-sighted for them ，who think more money should be used in social problems, to do and think in this way. They said that more important problems are coming to us and we have to pay more money and time for the long-term researches which may save the human beings，they and their dissenter both included, in the near or far future. In my opinion, both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and find a good balance between them.

On one hand, critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in. If no money had been used in forbidding drug-taking and punishing drug-trafficking, drug-takers would be seen everywhere in the street all over the world and AIDS would spread to every little corner on our earth. If no money had been used in beating terrorism, more kidnaps would happen around us, and more air-jacks would take place in the sky beyond us. If no money had been used in controlling the population on our earth, more and more people would die in hungry. No one could live in such a society that looks like a hell and surely no long-term research could be done in such horrible situation.

What we should also see is that we can learn much from solving existing social problems. Many useful experiences can be learned in the process of solving now-day problems and many new technologies can be developed through finding a new way to solve the problems. An excellent example to illustrate this point is the Industry Revolution. Many peasants in England lost their land in countryside and they poured into the big cities, such as London, Liverpool, and Manchester, in the 17th century. Such people having no lands and no jobs became a critical social problem for the Britain government. With the developing of the industry in big cities, the problem was solved by letting people work in the new huge factories. Farmers became workers in those days. We can clearly see that Britain society evolved quickly in the process of solving the job problem.

On the other hand, money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches. Many problems that seem minor or unimportant may cause a disaster in the future. The use of DDT to kill pests was regarded as a great achievement when DDT was synthesized, and no one notice its terrible pollution effect to the whole earth environment. Now when scientists notice the serious consequence of DDT usage, the chemical substance of DDT can even been detected in deep-sea fishes in Middle Pacific Ocean. If human had paid more time, money and efforts in researching the DDT property, or in finding a substitute of DDT, the tragedy would not happen at all.

In sum, the excellent balance should be found to allocate the money properly for the existing society problems and long-term researches. Many inconspicuous problems today can be the critical society problems in the near future and no long-term problem can be researched thoroughly without solving the problems that we are facing today. We should really care about that.

coolwitsUID: 149150

It has been argued for years that whether we should allocate more money for the immediate existing social problems or for the long-term researches that might help future generations. Some people argue that the social problems, such as the drug-taking, terrorism, and the over-population, must be solved first, as a safe and healthy society is the foundation of all other researches. And more money should be allocated on those social problems.(这句在这里很别扭，可以和前面那句拼起来。) But many other people allege that it's short-sighted for（of） them ，who think more money should be used in social problems, to do and think in this way. They said that more important problems are coming to us and we have to pay more money and time for the long-term researches which may save the human beings，they and their dissenter both included, in the near or far future. In my opinion, both the social problems（solving） and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and find a good balance between them. 语言很不错啊，可是好像转述不同观点时有点罗嗦，可以精简一下，迅速切题，摆出自己的看法

On one hand, critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in. If no money had been used in forbidding drug-taking and punishing drug-trafficking, drug-takers would be seen everywhere in the street all over the world and AIDS would spread to every little corner on our earth.（从吸毒到aids的推论没有事实或推理，就这样摆出来，很生硬。最少交代一下吸毒对aids传播的助长作用，然后用highly possible之类保留一点的说法来推出结论。这是写作的一大要诀，logical analysis ） If no money had been used in beating terrorism, more kidnaps would happen around us, and more air-jacks would take place in the sky beyond us. If no money had been used in controlling the population on our earth, more and more people would die in hungry. No one could live in such a society that looks like a hell and surely no long-term research could be done in such horrible situation. 排比用得很不错

What we should also see is that we can learn much from solving existing social problems. Many useful experiences can be learned in the process of solving now-day problems and many new technologies can be developed through finding a new way to solve the problems. An excellent example to illustrate this point is the Industry Revolution. Many peasants in England lost their land in countryside and they poured into the big cities, such as London, Liverpool, and Manchester, in the 17th century. Such people having no lands and no jobs became a critical social problem for the Britain government. With the developing of the industry in big cities, the problem was solved by letting people work in the new huge factories. Farmers became workers in those days. We can clearly see that Britain society evolved quickly in the process of solving the job problem. 这段个人感觉和主题关系不大。我觉得这篇issue从客观必要性上入手比较好，仅供参考。

On the other hand, money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches. Many problems that seem minor or unimportant may cause a disaster in the future. The use of DDT to kill pests was regarded as a great achievement when DDT was synthesized, and no one notice its terrible pollution effect to the whole earth environment. Now when scientists notice the serious consequence of DDT usage, the chemical substance of DDT can even been detected in deep-sea fishes in Middle Pacific Ocean.（这句没法形成对比，应该说现在已经很久没人用ddt了，还能检测到。） If human had paid more time, money and efforts in researching the DDT property, or in finding a substitute of DDT, the tragedy would not happen at all.觉得这个例子不大好，ddt的危害并不是因为投入不够造成的。不可能人类明明知道它的危害但是因为资金不足，逼于无奈才任其流传，是检测推广的不谨慎造成的

In sum, the excellent balance should be found to allocate the money properly for the existing society problems and long-term researches. Many inconspicuous problems today can be the critical society problems in the near future and no long-term problem can be researched thoroughly without solving the problems that we are facing today. We should really care about that.
第一篇能写成这样，已经很很很不错了，比我第一篇不知道好到哪里去了。多多努力，一定会成功的，况且你语言功底很扎实，提高起来应该不难。有机会也给别人改改，对提高逻辑思维很有帮助，旁观者清嘛

david_ganUID: 142106

谢谢coolwits的分析啦.第一篇就能遇上人修改真是好感动.
drug-abusing & AIDS 和DDT 中的逻辑问题写的时候根本没想到。现在想想coolwits说的在理。
不过真的好难啊。写的时候想到什么就写了。无从考虑这些逻辑问题了。以后要注意。
看上去好可能是因为第一篇我超时很多。而且贴上来时已经自己润色过了。
还有，hehui姐姐的建议真的很好。很多长从句，和排比结构都是她的意见。
问一下大家，有没有觉得词汇单薄了一些？而且例子偏多，逻辑演证偏少的嫌疑？毕竟例子好写，而逻辑论证难控制。考试时这样没关系嘛？

david_ganUID: 142106

下面是根据coolwits意见的修改后文章。

It has been argued for years that whether we should allocate more money for the immediate existing social problems or for the long-term researches that might help future generations. Some people argue that the social problems, such as the drug-taking, terrorism, and the over-population, must be solved first, as a safe and healthy society is the foundation of all other researches. But many other people allege that it's short-sighted of them ，who think more money should be used in social problems, to do and think in this way. They said that more important problems are coming to us and we have to pay more money and time for the long-term researches which may save the human beings，they and their dissenter both included, in the near or far future. In my opinion, both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and achieve a balance which benefits both.

On one hand, critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in. If no money had been used in forbidding drug-taking and punishing drug-trafficking, drug-takers would be seen everywhere in the street all over the world and AIDS, the most vital virus which is usually carried by the injection needles of drug-abusers, would spread to every little corner on our earth. If no money had been used in beating terrorism, more kidnaps would happen around us, and more air-jacks would take place in the sky beyond us. If no money had been used in controlling the population on our earth, more and more people would die in hungry. No one could live in such a society that looks like a hell and surely no long-term research could be done in such horrible situation.

What we should also see is that we can learn much from solving existing social problems. Many useful experiences can be learned in the process of solving now-day problems and many new technologies can be developed through finding a new way to solve the problems. An excellent example to illustrate this point is the Industry Revolution. Many peasants in England lost their land in countryside and they poured into the big cities, such as London, Liverpool, and Manchester, in the 17th century. Such people having no lands and no jobs became a critical social problem for the Britain government. With the developing of the industry in big cities, this problem was solved by letting people work in the new huge factories. Farmers became workers in those days. We can clearly see that Britain society evolved quickly in the process of solving the joblessness problem.

On the other hand, money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches. Many problems that seem minor or unimportant may cause a disaster in the future. The use of DDT to kill pests was regarded as a great achievement when DDT was synthesized, and no one notice its terrible pollution effect to the whole earth environment. When scientists noticed the serious consequence of DDT usage, the chemical substance of DDT could have been detected in deep-sea fishes in Middle Pacific Ocean. Even today, many years after the prohibition of DDT was proclaimed, the stubborn chemical is still jeopardizing all species of living beings. If human had paid more time, money and efforts in researching the DDT property, or in finding a substitute of DDT, the tragedy would not happen at all.

In sum, the excellent balance should be found to allocate the money properly for the existing society problems and long-term researches. Many inconspicuous problems today can be the critical society problems in the near future and no long-term problem can be researched thoroughly without solving the problems that we are facing today. We should really care about that.

roy_wengUID: 142453

It has been argued for years that whether we should allocate more money for the immediate existing social problems or for the long-term researches that might help future generations. Some people argue that the social problems, such as the drug-taking, terrorism, and the over-population, must be solved first, as a safe and healthy society is the foundation of all other researches. And more money should be allocated on those social problems. But many other people allege that it's short-sighted for them ，who think more money should be used in social problems, to do and think in this way. They said that more important problems are coming to us and we have to pay more money and time for the long-term researches which may save the human beings，they and their dissenter both included, in the near or far future. In my opinion, both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and find a good balance between them.
（首段会不会太长？）

On one hand, critical social problems must be solved to make a good
surrounding for us to live and work in. If no money had been used in forbidding drug-taking and punishing drug-trafficking, drug-takers would be seen everywhere in the street all over the world and AIDS would spread to every little corner on our earth. If no money had been used in beating terrorism, more kidnaps would happen around us, and more air-jacks would take place in the sky beyond us. If no money had been used in controlling the population on our earth, more and more people would die in hungry. No one could live in such a society that looks like a hell and surely no long-term research could be done in such horrible situation.


What we should also see is that we can learn much from solving existing social problems. Many useful experiences can be learned in the process of solving now-day problems and many new technologies can be developed through finding a new way to solve the problems. An excellent example to illustrate this point is the Industry Revolution. Many peasants in England lost their land in countryside and they poured into the big cities, such as London, Liverpool, and Manchester, in the 17th century. Such people having no lands and no jobs became a critical social problem for the Britain government. With the developing of the industry in big cities, the problem was solved by letting people work in the new huge factories. Farmers became workers in those days. We can clearly see that Britain society evolved quickly in the process of solving the job problem.
（首句是说我们学到很多，那从这个例子中我们学到了什么呢）

On the other hand, money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches. Many problems that seem minor or unimportant may cause a disaster in the future. The use of DDT to kill pests was regarded as a great achievement when DDT was synthesized, and no one notice its terrible pollution effect to the whole earth environment. Now when scientists notice the serious consequence of DDT usage, the chemical substance of DDT can even been detected in deep-sea fishes in Middle Pacific Ocean. If human had paid more time, money and efforts in researching the DDT property, or in finding a substitute of DDT, the tragedy would not happen at all.

In sum, the excellent balance should be found to allocate the money properly for the existing society problems and long-term researches. Many inconspicuous problems today can be the critical society problems in the near future and no long-term problem can be researched thoroughly without solving the problems that we are facing today. We should really care about that.

个人认为可以再用演绎推理的方法把不注重当前社会问题，和不注重长远发展的不利结果都写出来，会更有说服力！

genie05UID: 30358

It has been argued for years that whether we should allocate more money for the immediate existing social problems or for the long-term researches that might help future generations. Some people argue that the social problems, such as the drug-taking, terrorism, and the over-population, must be solved first, as a safe and healthy society is the foundation of all other researches. But many other people allege that it's short-sighted of them ，who think more money should be used in social problems, to do and think in this way. They said that more important problems are coming to us and we have to pay more money and time for the long-term researches which may save the human beings，they and their dissenter both included, in the near or far future. In my opinion, both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and achieve a balance which benefits both.（第一段最重要的是表明自己的观点，你的太长了，首段重点论证的2，3段还长是不明智的。建议再看ETS的范文，体会一下。精华区里也有关于写开头的帖子。）

On one hand, critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in. (加一点，表例子的举出)If no money had been used in forbidding drug-taking and punishing drug-trafficking, drug-takers would be seen everywhere in the street all over the world (,)and AIDS, the most vital virus(AIDS is a kind of virus??) which is usually carried by the injection needles of drug-abusers, would spread to every little corner on our earth. If no money had been used in beating terrorism, more kidnaps would happen around us, and more air-jacks would take place in the sky beyond us. If no money had been used in controlling the population on our earth, more and more people would die in hungry. （这种写法不错）No one could live in such a (society that looks like )a hell and surely no long-term research could be done in such horrible situation.（但是你没有明确的写出这个HELL的样子（^_^），所以啦，写一下如果是这样会怎么样。。。。。。会更有说服力）

What we should also see is that we can learn much from solving existing social problems. （在这种问题中使用WE一类的代词会使得文章的严谨性和客观性不足，如果可以one,people 等来代替要好一些）Many useful experiences can （could） be learned in the process of solving now-day problems and many new technologies can be developed through finding a new way to solve the problems. An excellent example to illustrate this point is the Industry Revolution. Many peasants in England lost their land in countryside and they poured into the big cities, such as London, Liverpool, and Manchester, in the 17th century. Such people having no lands and no jobs became a critical social problem for the Britain government. With the developing of the industry in big cities, this problem was solved by letting people work in the new huge factories. Farmers became workers in those days. We can clearly see that Britain society evolved quickly in the process of solving the joblessness problem.(例子不错，不过你的例子不能说明你的论点。)

On the other hand, money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches. Many problems that seem minor or unimportant may cause a disaster in the future. The use of DDT to kill pests was regarded as a great achievement when DDT was synthesized（用这个合适吗？）， and no one notice（s） its terrible pollution effect to the whole earth environment. When scientists noticed the serious consequence of DDT usage, the chemical substance of DDT could have been detected in deep-sea fishes in Middle Pacific Ocean(语法). Even today, many years after the prohibition of DDT was proclaimed, the stubborn chemical is still jeopardizing all species of living beings. If human had paid more time, money and efforts in researching the DDT property, or in finding a substitute of DDT, the tragedy would not happen at all.（单是例子写出来还是不可以的，要一个小的总结。文章是给别人看的，要清楚，明白，严谨。

In sum, the excellent balance should be found to allocate the money properly for the existing society problems and long-term researches. （这后面的感觉象画蛇添足）Many inconspicuous problems today can be the critical society problems in the near future and no long-term problem can be researched thoroughly without solving the problems that we are facing today. We should really care about that（过于白话）.

在我的理解中，MORE IMPORTANT也是一个重点的讨论，而你在文章中回避了这个问题。就是一个单纯的PROPERLY，我认为是不够的。按照你这个思路写支持，然后后面一个小的转折会比较好。但是在主题句表达上需要修改。


关于这个题目还有可以讨论的地方：
人类的历史是有共通性的，是连续的。在现在和未来的问题的解决在某中程度上而言也是重复的。同时造成问题的现在的问题的存在和解决影响到了以后问题的解决。并且还有对不同国家的CASE BY CASE的讨论，比如某些国家的温饱还没有解决就必须先解决，而有的国家则应看中将来。

david_ganUID: 142106

谢谢两位大牛帮助小弟。
看来列子还是要说理配合。
良多感触阿。
再谢了。

beckhamwiseUID: 142845

ISSUE 3
“It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.”

主题Both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and find a good balance between them.
1．Critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in.
2．We can learn much from solving existing social problems.
3．Money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches.


It has been argued for years that whether we should allocate more money for the immediate existing social problems or for the long-term researches that might help future generations. Some people argue that the social problems, such as the drug-taking, terrorism, and the over-population, must be solved first, as a safe and healthy society is the foundation of all other researches. And more money should be allocated on those social problems. But many other people allege that it's short-sighted for them ，who think more money should be used in social problems, to do and think(好象do 和think放在一起不是很好，给人累赘的感觉)in this way. They said that more important problems are coming to us and we have to pay more money and time for the long-term researches which may save the human beings，they and their dissenter both included, in the near or far future. In my opinion, both the social problems and useful long-term researches are important, or even crucial to us. We should allocate our limited money properly in both sides and find a good balance between them.

On one hand, critical social problems must be solved to make a good surrounding for us to live and work in. If no money had been used in forbidding drug-taking and punishing drug-trafficking, drug-takers would be seen everywhere in the street all over the world and AIDS would spread to every little corner on our earth. If no money had been used in beating terrorism, more kidnaps would happen around us, and more air-jacks would take place in the sky beyond us. If no money had been used in controlling the population on our earth, more and more people would die in hungry. No one could live in such a society that looks like a hell and surely no long-term research could be done in such horrible situation.（只是举了一串例子，没有论证呀？从总体上论证一下应该会好些吧）

What we should also see is that we can learn much from solving existing social problems. Many useful experiences can be learned in the process of solving now-day problems and many new technologies can be developed through finding a new way to solve the problems. An excellent example to illustrate this point is the Industry Revolution. Many peasants（新东方的老师说peasant在美国专指农村里游手好闲的人，不知道ETS的阅卷人是不是这样认为） in England lost their land in countryside and they poured into the big cities, such as London, Liverpool, and Manchester, in the 17th century. Such people having no lands and no jobs became a critical social problem for the Britain government. With the developing of the industry in big cities, the problem was solved by letting people work in the new huge factories. Farmers became workers in those days. We can clearly see that Britain society evolved quickly in the process of solving the job problem.（还是没有总体的论证，例子只是论据，没有论证，就不能很好的支持论点）

On the other hand（开头的连接词最好和第二段的换换，和第一段的On one hand连接紧一些）, money should be also used on long-term researches in many situations, such as the environmental problems and the basic scientific researches. Many problems that seem minor or unimportant may cause a disaster in the future. The use of DDT to kill pests was regarded as a great achievement when DDT was synthesized, and no one notice its terrible pollution effect to the whole earth environment. Now when scientists notice the serious consequence of DDT usage, the chemical substance of DDT can even been detected in deep-sea fishes in Middle Pacific Ocean. If human had paid more time, money and efforts in researching the DDT property, or in finding a substitute of DDT, the tragedy would not happen at all.（这个例子好象不能支持这个论点吧？长期的研究应该和急待解决的问题形成对立。如果在当初人们就意识到DDT的危害，那么不就是当时的急待解决的问题了吗？）

In sum, the excellent balance should be found to allocate the money properly for the existing society problems and long-term researches. Many inconspicuous problems today can be the critical society problems in the near future and no long-term problem can be researched thoroughly without solving the problems that we are facing today. We should really care about that.



例证是你最大的优点，但是也是缺点。你的例证很好，有说服力，但是却没有论证，就好象插花是只有花，没有枝，多多注意就是了。写得不错。
我的第一篇ISSUE也是这一篇，感觉不好：（