【独立写作】havrl的作业帖

havrlUID：2814564

ATMT-T 发表于 2014-3-1 11:27
revised

谢谢，修改。

havrlUID：2814564

woodpecker017 发表于 2014-3-1 12:20
楼主抱歉···语言还需要努力，建议不要写那么多，不如省下时间修改作文

谢谢修改。
其实我想说得是：
1.很多地方说得很到位。
2.语言没有像数学公式那么有逻辑性，一件事情可以从很多方面说，要说清楚，就得展开。展开就有些逻辑就是站不住脚的。
3.而且不要用主观来评价某些具体问题。比如科学家不负责，炒鱿鱼了不行，那非得死人才行吗？你说了？
4.总之谢谢。我很多地方需要修改。

chasingshadowsUID：3503852

链接: http://pan.baidu.com/s/1bn5WsMz 密码: 1kwt

EmeraldUID：2238409

sorry for the late reply

ATMT-TUID：3478676

done

havrlUID：2814564

Emerald 发表于 2014-3-3 20:06
sorry for the late reply

谢谢，修改，第二段和第三段改好了。如果有空帮我看看，谢谢。
Therefore, with more funds on universities, there will be more leaders and more educated and informed people contributing to the development and progress of our country. For that matter, those people will make great contribution to our country such as scientists make breakthroughs in field, artists bring more artifacts to people etc., people can use iphone and enjoy a great appetite in art exhibition. If our governments forgo to provide more budgets on university education, people would have no chance to enjoy the happiness that technology, art, music that based on our university, not mention to improve the living level of our residents, especially in mental health.
Besides, were a government does not focus its budget on university education, it undoubtedly hinders the inspiration and encouragement that students want to obtain more knowledge from our university education. The role of a government can be compared to the tool that an exploration into a gloomy and dark cavern, the government is just like a torch that help a group of archeologists find their demands. Likewise, our government should provide the basic needs for our students such as enough equipment and faculty in university, in order to help them focus on their research. If a government stops to support the university education, colleges may have no enough funds to continue their research. Similarly, our students’ inspiration and encouragement may decrease or even lost.  

havrlUID：2814564

ATMT-T 发表于 2014-3-3 21:31
done

谢谢，我觉得自己句式太单一，已找到东西准备背。

woodpecker017UID：3455722

改好啦~我把你们弄混了···把两份都传上来吧

ATMT-TUID：3478676

havrl 发表于 2014-3-3 22:24
谢谢，我觉得自己句式太单一，已找到东西准备背。

有什么推荐的吗？

ATMT-TUID：3478676

revised

havrlUID：2814564

ATMT-T 发表于 2014-3-4 13:45
有什么推荐的吗？

百度一下，好像有35个句子，我觉得可以试一试。

havrlUID：2814564

mrholiday 发表于 2014-3-5 08:02
已改！我好像之前都是评你口语的？

这么快啊，是的。

woodpecker017UID：3455722

改好啦

ATMT-TUID：3478676

havrl 发表于 2014-3-5 07:49
百度一下，好像有35个句子，我觉得可以试一试。

thanks，已下