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四月的迷迭香
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-2-4 21:57:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue 89
“Leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon them.”

There is an old Chinese saying that “Time makes a hero”. It is true that the demands of the contemporary environment placed upon leaders are their grave responsibilities and historical missions both of which make them strike to be equal with their positions and to further the interests of their people. However, balancing all of the necessities, not only the demands but also their own qualities enable them to become outstanding. Or to say, an integration of internal qualities and external chances makes a successful leader.

The demands placed on a person could inspire and challenge him or her to spare no efforts to fulfill the responsibilities. Had there no demands placed upon a person to be met, the person would lose his or her goals on the struggle way. Nelson Mandela, the South African black political leader and former president, who contributed lifelong dedication to the fight against racial oppression in South Africa, said in his autobiography: ’ The chains on any one of my people were the chains on all of them, the chains on all of my people were the chains on me.‘ With such a compelling and inspiring political responsibility, Mandela placed the liberation of both the oppressed and the oppressor as the first and greatest mission since the release in 1990 from more than a quarter –century imprisonment. And the intensive sense of responsibility guided him to become a vital force in the fight for human rights and racial equality. The responsibility gave him tremendous resolution to conquer all of the difficulties on the freedom road and become an outstanding leader.

Besides, under specific historical conditions, the requirements addressed on a person objectively provide him or her an opportunity to testify the capability the one owns to reach the final triumph in the leadership. It is to some extent the specific history that choose some one towards the specific position, not an individual that creates history. The giant in the China’s history – Deng Xiao-ping prepared more than once for the ways to settle the question of China’s reunification when he was reelected to the Central Committee. In 1979 when China and the United States officially reestablished diplomatic relations, Deng pointed out the only solution to the question of Hong Kong – a beautiful city in the east of China colonized by British government in 1897 – lies in the implementation of two systems in one country. Under this spectacular blueprint, Chinese government successfully recovered Hong Kong in 1997. Admitted that Deng’s foresight and sagacity attribute significantly to this historical success, we must not deny that the special and urgent requirement of solving the sovereign problem is an objective condition to make Deng preeminent of realizing such unparalleled feat.

On the other hand, only very few people stand out among thousands of people who are all under the same historical backgrounds because of their inherent qualities. Chance likes the one who is prepared. If a person does not possess the necessary qualities that a leader should have – such as the extensive knowledge to discern the world, the resolution to conquer all difficulties, the decisive character to work out in a dilemma, and the courage to fulfill harsh tasks – we can hardly imagine that he or she manages to undertake the glorious and tough task even if he or she confronts the favorable chances.

In sum, we should strike a balance to thoroughly weigh on what fundamentally makes an accomplished leader. External requirements and specific conditions challenge a person and provide the possibilities for one to become a successful leader, while the internal characteristics are also indispensable and essential.

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gdhdanny
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沙发

发表于 2004-2-5 01:35:51 |只看该作者

Issue 89
“Leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon them.”

There is an old Chinese saying that “Time makes a hero”. It is true that the demands of the contemporary environment placed upon leaders are their grave(想表达什么意思？) responsibilities and historical missions（加个逗号吧） both of which make them strike to be equal with their positions and to further the interests of their people. However, balancing all of (不用of)the necessities, not only the demands but also their own qualities enable them to become outstanding. Or to say, an integration of internal qualities and external chances makes a successful leader.
中间那个让步的分句看起来好累啊，不过最后的立场描述还是挺精彩的

The demands placed on a person could inspire and challenge him or her to spare no efforts to fulfill the responsibilities. Had there no demands placed upon a person to be met(很别扭的说，我想是不是可以改成be there no demands that had been placed upon a person), the person would lose his or her goals on the struggle（struggling） way. Nelson Mandela, the South African black political leader and former president, who contributed lifelong dedication to the fight against racial oppression in South Africa, said in his autobiography: ’ The chains on any one of my people were the chains on all of them, the chains on all of my people were the chains on me.‘ With such a compelling and inspiring political responsibility, Mandela placed the liberation of both the oppressed and the oppressor as the（his） first and greatest mission since(after) the release in 1990 from more than a quarter –century imprisonment. And the intensive sense of responsibility guided him to become a vital force in the fight for human rights and racial equality. The responsibility gave him tremendous resolution(用determination吧, 感觉这个词是new year resolution里的) to conquer all of the difficulties on the freedom road and become an outstanding leader.
论述很清晰，举例也比较恰当，很成功的一段

Besides, under specific historical conditions（circumstances）, the requirements addressed on a person objectively provide him or her an opportunity to testify the capability the one owns to reach the final triumph in the leadership. It is to some extent the specific history that choose(that chooses) some one towards(to be on) the specific position, not(rather than) an individual that creates history. The giant in the China’s history (in Chinese history)– Deng Xiao-ping prepared more than once for the ways to settle the question of China’s reunification when he was reelected to the Central Committee. In 1979 when China and the United States officially reestablished diplomatic relations, Deng pointed out the only solution to the question(problem?) of Hong Kong – a beautiful city in the east of China colonized by British government in 1897 – lies in the implementation of two systems in one country. Under(Following) this spectacular blueprint, Chinese government successfully recovered(reclaimed)Hong Kong in 1997. Admitted that （Admittedly, ）Deng’s foresight and sagacity attribute significantly to this historical success, we must not deny that the special and urgent requirement of solving the sovereign problem is an objective condition to make Deng preeminent of realizing such unparalleled feat. (没太理解后半句的意思)
结尾这句的让步好像跟论点有点逻辑冲突，既然强调内因，最后是不是应该把环境因素作为让步条件？

On the other hand（最好和on the one hand一起用，这用however, nevertheless就成了）, only very few people stand out among thousands of people(others注意同义替换) who are all under the same historical backgrounds because of their inherent qualities（把because of这句放句首吧）. Chance likes the one who is prepared(原句是God helps those who help themselves吧，很别扭的说). If a person does not possess the necessary qualities that a leader should have – such as the extensive knowledge to discern the world, the resolution to conquer all difficulties, the decisive character to work out in a dilemma, and the courage to fulfill harsh tasks – we can hardly imagine that he or she manages to undertake the glorious and（but?） tough task even if he or she confronts the favorable chances.

In sum, we should strike a balance to thoroughly weigh on what fundamentally makes an accomplished leader. External requirements and specific conditions challenge a person and provide the possibilities for one to become a successful leader, while the internal characteristics are also indispensable and essential.(结尾段不错，语言上和结构上都很完整)
好长的一篇！！

总体来看，结构和内容上都没有什么大问题，论证也很到位。不过细节上还有些值得注意的地方。首先是句式的多样性，从数量上看很不错，不过一些小问题像代词指代、连词的应用还要注意啊。再谈谈长句吧，我个人认为写句子的第一要务是表言传意，看完这篇文章我觉得好累，又写句子看完要想好几遍才能猜出意思，不如在简单句的基础上加强对动词和副词的推敲，同样可以写出精彩的句子的。

以上纯属个人观点

There is nothing lost

That may be found

If sought

双非DIY美硕申请总结

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