ISSUE53 一气呵成 改了一遍 感觉不错

persistence79UID: 149195

ISSUE53 “Colleges and universities should be free to all students, that is to say, fully financed by the government.”
High education is the best chance to people nowadays. There are more and more declarations that our government should fully finance our high education, which, in my own concern, would be beneficial to our society as a whole undoubtedly, but there is something else that deserve our concern.
  Firstly, since everyone are equal in our society, thus for the chance of high education. Some of the family are rich, while some poor; some have better background, while some with weaker background-all of these should not be used to discriminated the youth-the future of our society. Our society should protect all of its members since every individual is important. High education is considered, by most of us, the critical chance for our youth to get competent and a high start point to the society. So, if some of the youth are deprived of this chance for the financing problem, they will be less competent later in the society. This phenomenon should not appear in our society.
  Furthermore, the knowledge that our youth learn from colleges would benefit our society in the end. In this sense, the high education should be financed fully by the government. Most of the scientists recently are the beneficiary of high education, and it seems that this trend would increase in the future. For example, most of the highest scientific award-Nobel Prize winner had received high education. The politic leaders in the United States of America in recent years were graduated from famous universities inevitably. High education improved the intellectual as well as the collaboration ability and the open mind of our youth. With their knowledge they can improve the science and technology, which are the dynamics of our society, and ultimately improve our living standard. Our Human Genome Project, for example, which involved the effort of scientists in several countries, will decode genome of our human being and give useful genetic data to help conquering some disease. Considering that the knowledge taken from high education will benefit our society to such an extant, our government should pay for all the high education.
  Anyway, if high education are all free, the youth would probably not treasure the education chance and be less competent compared with those who finance themselves. If so, it will lose the sense for our high education. It should not be forgotten that it would be a high expense for our government if it take all the high education finance, and therefore the other aspect  which need the finance of our government would be less paid for accordingly. And thus it would decrease our living standard construction speed.
  Considering this is a complex issue, which is favored by some person while rejected by others, I think we can take a wider discussion on it.

kaventUID: 154493

看了你的文章，觉得有几个问题：
1， 文章的重点是不是应放在all fully finance上，而仅仅是finance？你第二段论证每个学生都应该有学习的机会，但这并不意味着政府需要资助所有的学生。而第三段论证高等教育的重要意义，显得过多，因为这是众所周知的。
2， 最后一个观点是很有道理的，但问题提出来之后没有提出很好的解决办法，这样实际上削弱了文章的说服力。
3， 结尾过于婉转，我觉得再次强调自己的观点，会显得更加有力。