issue55 对雪夭文章的一点意见--谈句子的构造和标点

wglxhUID: 152604

首先向作者道歉公开你的文章,但是我希望大家能共享一些资源.况且,你的文章是很好的.希望你把全文贴出来.以下只是大致修改,没时间全部改了,原谅一下.整个文章内容很清楚,就像ISSUE88,但是还是语言大大伤害了你的意思.
   
  55"Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education."
  开头段:Does competition for high grades seriously limit the quality of learning about the education? The issues gain controversy among the public and usually be confirmed. I concede that overemphasize on grades really do harm to the purpose of the education, however, the positive of competition should not be denied.

开头很好,但有以下问题.
一.The issues gain controversy among the public and usually be confirmed.
1.感觉应该是issue而不是复数
2.gain controversy 很拙劣的表达,有动词不用名词,实在忘了动词就用形容词 "is controversial"
3.among the public and usually be confirmed. 全部删掉吧,不止没用,而且前后矛盾.
二.I concede that overemphasize on grades really do harm to the purpose of the education, however, the positive of competition should not be denied.
1.overemphasize ?用名词
2.do??  does!!
3.positive?? 这个词的名词意思似乎不太明确,从WEBSTER上看是这样.建议应该加个effects.即使能用也应该是复数.

第二段:The purpose of education is to cultivate students as qualified citizens of the society, whom should have enough basic knowledge and special skills, and examination is a direct way to know what the students have mastered in the learning process. As students, it is impossible to put all the information learning from the class into the practice, therefore, tests help students to review their lessons and point out the grades what can represent the merits and the shortcomings of the students. The system of examination has been used for a long time, and the true situation verifies that such program really benefit the students and the society. Without the examinations, it is impossible for any one to evaluate a student; after all, grates represent the level of mastering knowledge in some extent. Thus, the colleges and universities should continue the system to help all students master lessons well.

一.The purpose of education is to cultivate students as qualified citizens of the society, whom should have enough basic knowledge and special skills, and examination is a direct way to know what the students have mastered in the learning process.
   1.whom should have enough basic knowledge and special skills
   
  注意:这是个常见的错误!!!whom应该是who.诚然,STUDENTS在主句中是宾语,可在从句中是主语!!!
  2.and examination is a direct way to know what the students have mastered in the learning process.
   
   注意:很常见的错误!!这和前文不是一句话,修改方法有几种:另起一句; AND改成WHILE; AND前的逗号改成分号!G友们要注意标点的使用!
    此外,依照语气判断.应该把"IS" 改为"CAN BE"
    the students have mastered in the learning process.太罗嗦!改:what the students have learned. 注意,LEARN与FIND一样是表结果的动词,不能像作者那么用.即使用,也要用studying process但是这么表达很烂!

二.tests help students to review their lessons and point out the grades what can represent the merits and the shortcomings of the students.
   句子连接的很不好,词也不好,修改
tests help students to review their lessons while grades can reveal the merits and the shortcomings of the students

三.The system of examination has been used for a long time, and the true situation verifies that such program really benefit the students and the society
    很罗嗦.建议
The system of examination has been used for a long time and been verified to really benefit the students and the society

四.Without the examinations, it is impossible for any one to evaluate a student; after all, grates represent the level of mastering knowledge in some extent
1.for anyone删掉!此外,依照上下文,impossible 应改为difficult

五.Thus, the colleges and universities should continue the system to help all students master lessons well.

"to help all students master lessons well"删掉,THUS已经指代了前面的内容..

    就改这么多吧.

雪夭UID: 142334

55
Does competition for high grades seriously limit the quality of learning about the education? The issues gain controversy among the public and usually be confirmed. I concede that overemphasize on grades really do harm to the purpose of the education, however, the positive of competition should not be denied.

The purpose of education is to cultivate students as qualified citizens of the society, whom should have enough basic knowledge and special skills, and examination is a direct way to know what the students have mastered in the learning process. As students, it is impossible to put all the information learning from the class into the practice, therefore, tests help students to review their lessons and point out the grades what can represent the merits and the shortcomings of the students. The system of examination has been used for a long time, and the true situation verifies that such program really benefit the students and the society. Without the examinations, it is impossible for any one to evaluate a student; after all, grates represent the level of mastering knowledge in some extent. Thus, the colleges and universities should continue the system to help all students master lessons well.

Moreover, one positive factor of examination is that the tests provide students an environment of competition, which is a preparing for the future life. The competition is ineluctable no matter in life or jobs, and most important is that, it is a way of self-improvement, which can help person know the weakness and pay more attention to the learning. Moreover, high grade provides more happiness, honor, praise and confidence-all that make a student as a star in the universities. Obviously, the natural character of human beings desires to gain those outcomes by taking examination. Even if a person fails in one of them, he or she will gain more courage from the teachers and classmates, because the competition in college is not sheer, but also contains cooperation, courage and concerning. Taking tests, students can gain more things rather than working alone.

However, there is a poor situation in some colleges and universities, because their education aims only on competition for high grade rather than qualify students. Students, there, are forced to spend all the time in lessons and their ability and degree are considered only by grades during the 4 years. In addition, some students fail to graduate for the low grade; even if they have high evaluation in the practice or special manipulation. Unfortunately, the situation is spreading and have bad effects on the development of students' mentality and the morality-the plagiarism and deceit become the common phenomena in the colleges and universities.

Therefore, the education should adjust attitude of he colleges, universities and students to the high grades. Indeed, the tests are important, but it does not indicate that grade is the standard of the education. Everyone should realize that education contains ethic, morality, value, knowledge and experience, and grade is only one factor of the knowledge rather than the whole. Considering the education's variety, college and university should make the balance among any of them in order to cultivate well-developed students to the society.

Undoubtedly, although some situations bring negative to the function of the grade, the positive of it cannot be belied. The ability of most students should be verified by taking examination, because it is the convenient and direct way. If everyone can correct to attitude to the grade and education, during the process of learning and preparing tests, students will learn competition, confidence and living, which establish the base of future life.

这个是原文，还没有做修改
谢谢wglxh的指点，砖头扔的很对，我在语言方面一直有问题，但是觉得这个很难在一定时间内提高，特别是语法和用词语方面，在本子上写可能还比较有概念，可是一到电脑上的开始晕了，写到后面，前面就顾不上了。而且发现有一点，可能大家也都有这方面的问题，就是为了写长句和写字数来拼凑文章，导致意思不仅罗嗦，语法错的就更多，字多了自然用词也就乱了。
以前老师一直说内容是重点，其实这个是要把握3分水平，要是内容偏或者空的话，过三分就成问题，但是要是整体把握住了，想提高个1，2分，可能就是看你用的词和句子了，说实话，没个人能用在写作上的词不多，最多也就2，3千，哪有人拿红宝去考试的，何况越生的词语就更容易错了。咳，可惜从小到大没写过什么好的英文作文，做多就等级考试，还是中国人出的，所以在词的用法上就比较弱。在这里建议大家，也是对自己，尽量用熟悉的词，就算用红宝的，先查清楚再用，我的不少错误就是想当然造成的。

废话很多，但都好空啊，还是要谢谢wglxh。
来这里发过一两篇都没有人改，太傻我有突然进不去了，本来都在那里和大家互相改作文的。所以看见你的邮箱就试一下，都是杀G的人嘛，资源当然共享给大家了

澄清：我叫雪夭，呵呵， 我刚才看了好一会版面才近来的，咋觉得不象是和我说的，哈哈，原来名字写错了：p

imongUID: 140258

我把标题改过来了，刚才我也一直在犯嘀咕的说~:)

coolwitsUID: 149150

The purpose of education is to cultivate students as qualified citizens of the society,and examination is a direct way to know what the students have mastered in the learning process.(中间定语从句书插入语先不管)
wglxh说这是常见的错误，回头想想自己也经常这样用
A。。。。。，and B。。。。。。。。
后来翻了修辞方面的书，原来这样用的话首先要求A句子和B句子意思是相关的，如果意思不相关，这样用会破坏思想统一，各位XDJM切记

blake_wangUID: 9871

up!

雪夭UID: 142334

是啊，我们是在用中文的思路写的
所以可能自己不觉得，老外看的就一头懵了

so猫UID: 148633

恩 记住了~~~