issue30 Technology & Leisure Time

poohUID: 146994

这篇写了一个多少小时，不知道题目扣得怎样
.The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.【30】
技术进步的首要目标应该是提高人们的效率以便于每个人都享有更多的闲暇时光。技术进步之空闲时刻

Technology like a magician with never-exhausted magic brings us so much amazing things. But how many of them are intended for the people's efficiency? Do they add to our leisure time? After a careful consideration of the two questions, I disagree with the speaker that to promote efficiency is just one goal of technological advancement, and leisure time is the result of personal choice.

First, I contend that not all the technology is designed to make things faster done, and time saved. Admittedly, transportations like trains, planes, automobiles are running faster and faster, say, a used-to-be 24 hours journey may take you no more than 1 hour now. Technological advancement is also changing the markets, and it is very rare that you cannot buy something as during the pre-industry time because machines that win over human labor thousands of times in efficiency take the place of human to be the hero right now.  Moreover, of course, computers are ones of most sparking stars among all inventions, which could process trillions of data in one second, really a amazing speed. However, medical equipment, which is invented for curing diseases or diagnosing, is also a great advancement though it has nothing to do with efficiency. Biological progress in genetic research enables human to better know themselves and open a new field to improve living quality, while it hardly connected with efficiency. Through internet, we can much easily acquire information and search for what we want, yet it is the concept of connecting all resources together and sharing it world wide that most excites us. Therefore, technology really does more than efficiency.

Furthermore, I do not think efficiency brought by technology is the determinant of people's leisure time. Actually, if it does influence leisure time, the effect could be in two directions according to different occasion. Sometimes our leisure time could be prolonged. For example, you drive a car to tennis court for an exercise. If you plan to take two hours for the whole movement including the time spent on road, a ten-minutes drive will leave you 110 minutes to enjoy yourself, much better than waste 60 minutes on foot but 60 left for leisure activity. In this case, you do have more leisure time. However, things could be different in the following example. A used-to-be 2 days journey on the train may at first glance be too long for contemporary people ,and the train may seem like a tired house which is so slow. A century ago the speed of train may even slower, but people saw the journey as relaxation, which enabled them to enjoy the alongside scenery, chat friendly in carts the and even celebrated the journey as a festival. Nowadays people just regard a journey merely as a trip on the way to something important, a tool to take one from a busy place to another, driving away any leisure feeling as well as leaving them impatient. How could the same technology make such difference?

I believe the answer couldn't be found on technological advancement or efficiency but it lies in ourselves. Anyone has their own rights to choose to be engaged in endless matters or to slow down for a moment to enjoy life, to be with family, to feel the nature. Why most modern people have the lifestyle of the former? People are much more ambitious than before in a society that emphasizes on success, fortune, fame etc, which render people to drift blindly with the trend. I remember a report once read in a newspaper, which was about a famous football player who later developed a serious disease. He said that when he was young he just wanted to win another champion though he had achieved many times, but what he most desired is the next one. When he couldn't play any more and had time to summarize his earlier life, he felt regret deeply overlooking his family and time to be with his son. He must be the representative of many people who try to catch up with and win over others which make them never slow down, but many people aren't that lucky as him to think some serious questions carefully: what I am looking for? Can I get what I want in endless work and from those machines? What else can I achieve except for money, fame, and position? Many of us has lost too far in themselves, the best way to find themselves back is to contemplate about life on themselves and thereafter understand that the meaning of leisure time isn't just a loss in economy, a threat to one's position, but a way to feel life.

To recapitulate my point, thanks to technological advancement, it enhances efficiency and takes on the world a new look in every field and every corner. However, technology doesn't promise to give us more or less leisure time, it is in ourselves that an answer awaiting to be explored.[/SIZE]

imongUID: 140258

Technology like（加上后面的bring两个谓语了？） a magician with never-exhausted magic（表达不爽） brings（语态？） us so much（many？） amazing things. But how many of them are intended for（intend for？不清楚，能确定吗？） the people's efficiency? Do they add to（恐怕不是add to吧，technology加上leisure time是什么？） our leisure time? After a careful consideration of（over？upon？我也不太清楚） the two questions, I disagree with the speaker that （完蛋，that到底指代什么？）to promote efficiency is just one goal of technological advancement, and（更完蛋，and和谁平行？） leisure time is the result of personal choice.前面一个that后面一个and把整个句子写的一片混乱。

第二段：Through internet, we can much easily acquire information and search for what we want, yet it is the concept of connecting all resources together and sharing it world wide that most excites us.这句话seems to be isolated，看看前后。

第4段，例子没必要写得像故事，而且论点和前面的衔接也不太好。

第三段的ts：I do not think efficiency brought by technology is the determinant of people's leisure time. 一下子三个关键词都进去了：efficiency technology leisuretime 你觉得你的段落把握住了吗？

只是随便说几个地方。

btw，这道题是我考试时候写的。习作标题加字体的话就没法排序了，我改了过来，见谅。

poohUID: 146994

Thanks a lot , imong!  现在越来越没信心了。。。郁闷。。。但是。。。我要坚持。。。

Technology like（加上后面的bring两个谓语了？）

这里like 做prep不可以吗，这句的动词是bring

2."add to" sth= increase sth 增加某事物
e.g. The bad weather only added to our difficulties.
以上是牛津高阶的解释

3。 be intended or sb/sth 表示为某人专门设计
  =planned or designed for sb/sth.

4.关于 consideration 字典上所列举的只根两个介词
  （1） for sb/sth 意思是估计，体贴
        e.g. He has never shown much consideration for his wife's needs.
    (2) in considertion of sth  考虑到；作为……的回报。
我想还是应该用of,  至于over, upon 估计更不好了。

5。

I disagree with the speaker that （完蛋，that到底指代什么？）to promote efficiency is just one goal of technological advancement, and（更完蛋，and和谁平行？） leisure time is the result of personal choice.前面一个that后面一个and把整个句子写的一片混乱。

的确是乱了。
(1) that 引导宾语从句
(2) and 后面应该再加that 与前面的从句并列。

6。

第三段的ts：I do not think efficiency brought by technology is the determinant of people's leisure time. 一下子三个关键词都进去了：efficiency technology leisuretime 你觉得你的段落把握住了吗？

因为怕跑了，所以想都拉进来，你的意思是应该分开说？

7。对着题目你是怎么把握的？什么思路？

imongUID: 140258

不是说你在这里解释就能够解释清楚，而是本来就不能够用that和and

I disagree with the arguer that...天晓得到底是disagree这个that还是agree这个that
后面的and就更乱套了。

我当时的写法是：首先提出Leisure time和leisure are of different concept. 肯定Technology bring more leisure time，但是这并不等于带来更多leisure.
结果差点把自己给绕死~

别着急。咱文章至少4分，保4争5问题不大~（当然，语言上不能出major flaw）

galaxysongUID: 152834

Technology like a magician with never-exhausted? magic brings us so much->many amazing things. But how many of them are intended for the people's efficiency? Do they add to our leisure time? After a- careful consideration of the two questions, I disagree with the speaker+in that to promote efficiency is just one goal of technological advancement, and leisure time is the result of personal choice.

First, I contend that not all the technology is designed to make things faster done, and time saved?. Admittedly, transportations->transports like trains, planes, automobiles are running faster and faster, say,No conjunction? a used-to-be 24 hours journey may take youYou'd better not say "you" in an essay. no more than 1 hour now. Technological advancement is also changing the markets, and it is very rare that you cannot buy something as during the pre-industry time because machines that win over->excel? human labor thousands of times in efficiency take->have therefore taken the place of human to be the heroHero? Far-fetched! ->in many fields right now. Moreover, of course, computers are ones->computer has been one of+the most sparking->spectacular stars among all inventions, whichComputer or inventions? Amphibolous! could process trillions of+bytes of data in one second, Conjunction!really a amazing speed. However, medical equipment, which is invented->was invented / is intented for curing diseases or+for diagnosing, is also a great advancement though it has nothing to do with efficiency.I can't agree. medical equipment facilitates doctors and nurses in many aspects. One example is thermometer, which helps a doctor to accurately categorize his/her patients into different kinds by temperature, therefore accelerates diagnosis. Biological progress in genetic research enables human to better know themselves and open a new field to improve living quality, while it hardly connected with efficiency.This instance is fine. Through internet, we can much easily acquire information and search for what we want, yet it is the concept of connecting all resources together and sharing it world wide that most excites us. Therefore, technology really does more than efficiency.???How can you say that? It sabotages your first body!

Body one is too long, containing some examples counterproductive to its central view point.

Furthermore, I do not think efficiency brought by technology is the determinant of people's leisure time. Actually, if it does influence leisure time, the effect->effects could be in two+opposing directions according to->in different occasion->occasions. Sometimes our leisure time could be prolonged. For example, you drive a car to tennis court for an exercise. If you plan to take two hours for the whole movement including the time spent on road, a ten-minutes drive will leave you 110 minutes to enjoy yourself, much better thanIncomplete! waste 60 minutes on foot but 60 left for leisure activity. In this case, you do have more leisure time. However, things could be different in the following example.->However, there are countradicting evidences as well. A used-to-be 2 days journey on the train may at first glance be too long for contemporary people ,and the train may seem like a tired house which is so slow. A century ago the speed of train may even slower, but people saw the journey as relaxation, which enabled them to enjoy the alongside scenery->scenery out of the windows, chat friendly in carts->cars? the?? and even celebrated->take/appreciate the journey as a festival. Nowadays people+, in contrast, just regard a journey merely as a trip on the wayA trip is on the way? to something important, a tool to take one from a busy place to another, driving away any leisure feeling as well as leaving them impatientUnnecessarily long.. How could the same technology make such difference?I suggest you move this sentence to the next paragraph as its opening.

I believe the answer couldn't be found on technological advancement or efficiency but+that it lies in ourselves. Anyone has their own rights to choose+whether to be engaged in endless matters or to slow down->rest/relax for a moment to enjoy life, to be with family,Conjunction again! to feel the nature. Why most modern people haveYou write "have" here? the lifestyle of the former? People are much more ambitious than before in a society that emphasizes on- success, fortune, fame +,etc, whichReferring to "a society" again? render->renders people to drift blindly with the trend. I remember a report once read in a newspaper, which was about a+former famous football player who later developed->caught/ended his profession up with a serious disease. He said that when he was young he just wanted to win another champion though he had achieved many times, but what he most desired is the next one. When he couldn't play any more and had time to summarize his earlier life, he felt regret deeply+for overlooking his family and time to be with his son->...his family, especially his son. He must be the->can be a representative of many people who try to catch up with and win overJust one verb:->emulate others which +therebymake them never slow down, butLet's start a new sentence, shall we? many people aren'tare not that lucky as him to think some serious questions carefully: what I am->What am I looking for? Can I get what I want in endless work and from those machines? What else can I achieve except for money, fame, and position? Many of us has lost too far in themselvesYou have "lost too far in" your reasoning!, Conj.the best way to find themselves back is to contemplate about life on themselves and thereafter understand that the meaning of leisure time isn't just a loss in economy,Conj. a threat to one's position, but a way to feel life.

My God! Where do you come from? And where are you going?

To recapitulate my point, thanks to technological advancement, it enhances efficiency and takes on the world a new look in every field and every corner. However, technology doesn't promise to give us more or less leisure time, it is in ourselves that an answer+is awaiting to be exploredAn answer is awaiting ourselves t be explored?.

It is really a pity that although you have successfully discovered the determinant on leisure time, your "pen" carries your thinking astray from the main topic and turns to discuss the value of life.

imongUID: 140258

服了楼上的
我啰啰嗦嗦半天就是没想到加一个in一下子解决问题