【独立作文】mrholiday作业贴

rainbow0206UID: 3472557

mrholiday 发表于 2014-4-25 21:08
多谢批改！

1. 开头我纠结了半天怎么写……我突然觉得不会写开头了……好吧

4.21
1.白天have to work，晚上还得have to read，说得有点牵强；
2.主要是前面有they want to...，而laugh a lot像是一种描述不像是在表目的；
4.我也各种小错，只能多练多改来避免了。

4.22
2.the passage says that this certification is only a world-wide trade 也就是certification is a trade感觉句子不通、与原文意思有点出入。

lszllcy535UID: 3485562

mrholiday 发表于 2014-4-25 21:52
多谢批改！但貌似我和你不是一组的……

你说的的确是，我能想到了两个例子，但是想不到两个论点。我觉 ...

我第一次参加，把所有组员的作文都改了，sighing~~

rainbow0206UID: 3472557

mrholiday 发表于 2014-4-25 21:32
好吧，那就
The passage says that this certification involves a world-wide trade？

Third, although some people claim that it always makes good business sense for American companies to keep up with the developments in the rest of the world, this argument is not convincing. Pursuing certification would make sense for American wood companies only if they marketed most of their products abroad. But that is not the case,American wood businesses sell most of their products in the United States, catering to a very large customer base that is satisfied with the merchandise.

而你这句太省了点，至少应该提到companies吧。比如The passage says that this certification only makes a significant sense for those companies which are mainly involved in a world-wide trade.

lszllcy535UID: 3485562

mrholiday 发表于 2014-4-25 22:29
。。。好吧
我今天超级忙，明天帮你改吧，不好意思啊。。

可以不用改了，算我攒人品吧。。。

ArchiChuangUID: 3459191

已改，抱歉最近事物太多。

Shadow.xieUID: 2819461

2014.04.29.me revised by shadow.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2014-4-30 17:42:16 上传

下载次数: 2

改好啦 4月29号的

我觉得你的文笔没啥问题，就是写作文的时候有一种完成任务的生硬感，其实可以更自然流畅，句子尽量简洁。
另外我有个疑惑，你是采用的两个观点四段式论述，中间两段特别长，前后一头一尾，我每次都是五段式，但是想表达清楚例子完整就很容易超时。你觉得如何解决观点阐述和时间分配的矛盾呢？

谢谢~