issue30 写得很痛苦的说，谢谢砖

mingiUID: 152314

issue30 The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

I agree with the speaker that technology development has its primary purpose to give people more spare time and a convenience life. However, unexpected problems have damage the human society, thus call for human to re-think about the goal of technology advance.

In my observation, the original purpose of developing technology is to remove ourselves from dangerous and uncomfortable work place, and to improve the efficiency of human works. Long gone is the day our ancestors used stones or branches to hunt animals on the plain or collected fruits among the mountains. Obviously, this kind of life was neither safe nor efficient: people would be hurt by the animals or injured themselves when purchased the prays; on the other hand, collecting fruits or herbs from the mountain may take them a day or two to commute since there was no any other vehicles, only on feet.

Therefore technology, generally speaking, is any way to facilitate human lives. In early days, horses were domesticated to facilitate transportation; sheep and cows were feed to obtain some meat rather than hunting; that was a kind of technology. After Industrial Revolutionary, technology development appeared dramatically. People began to construct and use machines rather than natural substance to serve as tools, which help to get rid of dangerous environment and generate more spare time. Digging machines and dynamites can replace the workers in road-building among the mountains, vehicles such as planes, trains, and cars cut off times consuming on the journey. Our life does become safe, convenience and colorful, since all of these improvements are the primary purposes of the technology advance.

Unfortunately, we have also to meet with the negative feedback brought about by technology development. Automation in the resembling line have sent thousands of workers to job market again, although they found themselves not fit for this post-technique society anymore; computer assistant has also going to take place of white-collar workers in the offices. Besides, since the living and working condition improve so dramatically that human beings are no longer to fit for the natural condition. A unusual increase in temperature hit Europe in summer of 2003, since most of the houses there are fit for collecting sun energy, they became microwave machines in the hot wave and acclaim many lives. In the large scale, technology improvement in military damage human life directory, though people primarily intend to use it as "peace keeper". Nuclear plants, biochemistry weapons, and inter-continent missiles endanger human life every second. If fact, the application of those "human slaughters" has already began: Nuclear bombardment in Japan, 1945, acclaimed tens of thousands of lives.

People began to re-consider what should be the purpose of the development of technology? Have we gone too far to forget the primary goal? Admittedly, the effect of improving life and work condition never changed through out the history of technology advance. However, the unexpected outcomes come along with this process call for new standards and goals of developing the technology: that is improving the harmony and peace of all human beings. On the one hand, we must take the possible negative effect into account when develop new technology, and try to avoid these effects. On the other hand, people should focus more on the technologies that benefit and improve the relationship of all human beings. Some one would argue that everything has two sides in itself. Yes, it is true; but the way to manipulate it is on our hand. If only all people in the world are care about the peace of human beings, the technology can serve people in a wild way.

In this high-technology era, obtain more spare time should not be the first purpose any more, we humans must take the profits of the whole species into account. Therefore, let’s fight for the peace of human beings with the improvement in technologies.

gdhdannyUID: 125843

issue30 The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

I agree with the speaker that technology development has its primary purpose to give people more spare time and a convenience life. However, unexpected problems have damage the human society, thus（主语） call for human to re-think about the goal of technology advance.

In my observation, the original purpose of developing technology is to remove ourselves from dangerous and uncomfortable work place, and to improve the efficiency of human works. Long gone is the day our ancestors used stones or branches to hunt animals on the plain or collected fruits among the mountains. Obviously, this kind of life was neither safe nor efficient: people would be hurt by the animals or injured themselves when purchased the prays（preys?）; on the other hand, collecting fruits or herbs from the mountain may take them a day or two to commute since there was no any other vehicles, only on feet. （这里最好写上一句总结的话，因为是从safety和efficiency两方面去写，所以需要最后把两个层面的意思统一起来）

Therefore technology, generally speaking, is any way（any way这么拥有点别扭） to facilitate human lives. In early days, horses were domesticated to facilitate transportation; sheep and cows were feed to obtain some meat（human’s need） rather than hunting; that was a kind of technology. After Industrial Revolutionary, technology development（technological） appeared dramatically（appear dramatically的搭配有问题，dramatic development have taken place你觉得怎么样）. People began to construct and use machines rather than natural substance（resources） to serve as tools, which help（时态） to get rid of dangerous environment and generate more spare time. Digging machines and dynamites can replace the workers in road-building among the mountains,（分号） vehicles such as planes, trains, and cars cut off times consuming on the journey. Our life does become safe, convenience and colorful, since all of these improvements are the primary purposes of the technology advance.

Unfortunately, we have also to（also have to） meet with the negative feedback brought about by technology（technological） development. Automation in the resembling line have（has） sent thousands of workers to job market again, although they found themselves not fit for this post-technique society anymore; computer assistant has also going to take（the） place of white-collar workers in the offices. Besides, since the living and working condition improve so dramatically that human beings are no longer to（不用to） fit for the natural condition. A（an） unusual increase in temperature hit Europe in（the） summer of 2003, since most of the houses there are fit for collecting sun energy, they became（这个词有点问题，是上并不是“成为”而是seems to be） microwave machines in the hot wave and acclaim many lives. In the large scale, technology improvement（technological） in military damage human life directory（什么意思）, though people primarily intend to use it as "peace keeper". Nuclear plants, biochemistry weapons, and inter-continent missiles endanger human life every second. If fact, the application of those "human slaughters" has already began（begun）: Nuclear bombardment in Japan, 1945, acclaimed tens of thousands of lives.

People began to re-consider what should be the purpose of the development of technology?（应该是陈述句，自己读读） Have we gone too far to forget the primary goal? Admittedly, the effect of improving life and work condition never changed through out the history of technology（technological） advance. However, the unexpected outcomes come along with this process call for new standards and goals of developing the technology: that is improving（improve the condition of或者keeping）the harmony and peace of all human beings. On the one hand, we must take the possible negative effect into account when develop（分词） new technology, and try to avoid these effects. On the other hand, people should focus more on the technologies that benefit and improve the relationship of all human beings. Some one would argue that everything has two sides in itself. Yes, it is true; but the way to manipulate it is on our hand. If only all people in the world are care about the peace of human beings, the technology can serve people in a wild（不好）way.

In this high-technology era, obtain more spare time should not be the first purpose any more, we humans must take the profits of the whole species into account. Therefore, let’s fight for the peace of human beings with the improvement in technologies.（想想结尾还有没有其他写法）

总体来讲很不错，详细是最大的优点，思维比较连贯。问题在于真正考试的时候不会有这么充裕的时间展开大对比，其实头两个body的内容可以放在一段里，后面的段落内容可以深谈。
语言上还可以再推敲。

继续努力

mingiUID: 152314

再次感谢DANNY大哥,已经考完了还这么细心改文章

这篇就是我尝试的先写正文再总结的模考. 开始没什么思路,写下去就越来越开阔.
由于正文耗时太长.第42-44分钟匆匆写了头尾. 最后检查了半分钟也没什么改进. 拼写和主谓错误加起来有20个. (是不是该狠狠汗一下啊?)

对于DANNY提到的"大对比" 我不大明白指的是什么.因为我感觉没有要表达对比的意思. 请指教.