ISSUE99 revised by forwww and xqmelissa

322612UID: 157648

还有2周就考试了，决定每天写一篇。请大家指教啊！谢谢先~~
99. "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."


提纲：1 有的情况下，在面对社会上的负面影响时采取理想化的态度是有效的。
      2 但大多情况下应该实际一些。不逃避，勇敢面对，有助于社会进步
      3 being practical 有助于人们在将理想付诸实践之前考虑到将面临的问题，从而找出最有效的方案，节省财力物力和时间

With the development of the society, people learn to form their own alue system ,during the process of living and learning knowledge, which helps people charge and analyze diverse conditions when confronting various things, some people tend to be practical while others are incline to be dealistic, however, when faced with cases in my life, I, as one individual as concerned, prefer to treat them as practically as possible.

  Admittedly, it is widely recognized that being idealistic would make people feel better when they meet negative aspects of the society. The society is full of both negative and positive aspects, which would have great influence on people, for example, much crisis would make people cynical, abortion teaches adolescents to be irresponsible for their deeds, and on the other side, the atmosphere of hardworking would stimulate the courage and willingness of the public to increase the efficiency, the result of which is improving the society. When faced with those negative aspects, many people tend to ignore them, and live in the little world of their own made by imagination, thus they might be less frustrated when they found their original goal could not put into practice.
  
  Nevertheless, people could not ignore the solid fact that they all live in a real world, which is filled with happiness, failure, success, catastrophe, and so forth, the realistic point of view helps people avoid facing those bad conditions, only pragmatic behavior guarantees the improvement of the society and the progress of the public. Take the scientific field as an example, the basic characteristics of scientists are pragmatic spirits, they know only doubting all the existing phenomena and trying out possible methods to resolve practical problems, could the science develop. When it comes to the society, only people are encouraged to face difficulties and try all efforts to make practical ways, could the difficulties be cleared away. As a consequence, pragmatic behavior and determination could help the society improve.

  Furthermore, being practical could help people realize the shortcomings and find alternatives. A widely known case is that there exists limit when people put ideas into practice, for instance, the limit of money, the lack of time, and even the minor number of workforce, etc. Practical attitude is necessary when people decide their plans since considering the troubles and the limits they would possibly confront, people would take out the most suitable procedure. "When the workgroup I am in discuss our plan of experiments," As Grasoleyon F.Bitareo, a famous Canadian physical professor, pointed out once he was interviewed by <Science Today>, "we focus on those trouble we might meet later, and find best solution after considering all the possible limits which would later supersede idealistic, we understand the idealistic view would be useless. "

  To sum up, judging from the aforementioned discussion, it is safe for people to come to the conclusion although idealistic view makes people feel better sometimes, the only way to succeed in any field of life is to take practically point of view,

juliozhaoUID: 144326

谢谢你对我的文章的点评
提一点建议（我被别人骂过）把段与段之间空出一行，便于别人阅读
Admittedly 放的位置太靠前了，这词是放在主要的论述后，补充和解答读者可能提出的疑问或从反面说一下。。。
你可以参考一下范文里，它的用法！！
一点个人观点，仅供参考

forwwwUID: 154260

99. "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."


提纲：
1 有的情况下，在面对社会上的负面影响时采取理想化的态度是有效的。
2 但大多情况下应该实际一些。不逃避，勇敢面对，有助于社会进步
3 being practical 有助于人们在将理想付诸实践之前考虑到将面临的问题，从而找出最有效的方案，节省财力物力和时间

With the development of the society, people learn to form their own alue (value) system , (no comma) during the process of living and learning knowledge, which ( to distant from value system) helps people charge and analyze diverse conditions when (加people, because the subject is not the same) confronting various things, (.) some people tend to be practical while others are incline (inclined) to be dealistic (realistic), (;)however (转折什么？), when faced with cases in my life, I, as one individual as concerned, prefer to treat them as practically as possible.

Admittedly, it is widely recognized that being idealistic would make people feel better when they meet negative aspects of the society. The society is full of both negative and positive aspects, which would have great influence on people, （.）for example, much crisis would make people cynical, (;) abortion teaches adolescents to be irresponsible for their deeds, (这个和idealistic有什么关系？怎么理想主义了？)　and on the other side, the atmosphere of hardworking would stimulate the courage and willingness of the public to increase the efficiency, the result of which is improving the society. When faced with those negative aspects, many people tend to ignore them, and live in the little world of their own made by imagination, thus they might be less frustrated （没有论据支持为什么会less frustrated）when they found their original goal (goals) could not put into practice.

Nevertheless, people could not ignore the solid fact that they all live in a real world, which is filled with happiness, failure, success, catastrophe, and so forth, (.) the realistic point of view helps people avoid facing those bad conditions, only (太绝对了吧？理想主义的人有时是很推动社会发展的,有坚定执著的信念阿) pragmatic behavior guarantees the improvement of the society and the progress of the public. Take the scientific field as an example, the basic characteristics of scientists are pragmatic spirits,（我觉得恰恰相反，真正能做出点事情来的科学家都是要有点idealistic的） they know only doubting all the existing phenomena and trying out possible methods to resolve practical （很多数学的应用我们100年之内应用不到，但你能说高斯对我们一定贡献都没有么？）problems, could the science develop. When it comes to the society, only people are encouraged to face difficulties and try all efforts to make practical ways, could the difficulties be cleared away. As a consequence,(consequenctly) pragmatic behavior and determination could help the society improve.

Furthermore, being practical could help people realize the shortcomings and find alternatives. A widely known case is that there exists limit when people put ideas into practice, (.) for instance, the limit of money, the lack of time, and even the minor number of workforce, etc. Practical attitude is necessary when people decide their plans since (when) considering the troubles and the limits they would possibly (不要possibly) confront (face with), people would take out the most suitable (可能accessible好一点)procedure. "When the workgroup I am in (my workgroup) discuss  (discussed) our plan of experiments," As Grasoleyon F.Bitareo,(这个人不会是捏造的吧？哈哈。) a famous Canadian physical professor, pointed out once he was interviewed by <Science Today>, "we focus on those trouble we might meet later, and find best solution after considering all the possible limits which would later supersede idealistic, （use “because”, no comma）we understand the idealistic view would be useless. "

To sum up, judging from the aforementioned discussion, it is safe for people to come to the conclusion although idealistic view makes people feel better sometimes, the only(!@#$%^&*这样一定少了很多成功的人哦)way to succeed in any field of life is to take practically point of view,（.）

思路还是很清楚的说的。符号的应用要注意^-^
论点阐述的还不够彻底，考虑的要周到些。否则容易被反驳，unconvincing.
加油努力罗！

xqmelissaUID: 140370

With the development of the society, people learn to form their own alue system (I think it is a spelling mistake, is that “value”?), during the process of living and learning knowledge, (this is another sentence, so I suggest you revise this to a new sentence.) which helps people charge and analyze diverse conditions when confronting various things (I think use “problems” or sth with the same meaning is better), some people tend to be practical while others are incline to be dealistic (is it “idealistic”?), however, (there is another sentence!) when faced with cases in my life, I, as one individual as concerned, prefer to treat them as practically as possible. ( I think just us “as far as I am concerned, treating problems practice is better” or sth with the same meaning is OK)
(in this paragraph, you give your position directly, it is good, but I think the second sentence is too long to understand, how about change it to some simple sentences, then it could make your meaning clearer. )

Admittedly, it is widely recognized that being idealistic would make people feel better when they meet negative aspects of the society. The society is full of both negative and positive aspects, which would have great influence on people, for example, much crisis (an obvious mistake! It should be “many crises”) would make people cynical, abortion (is there you want to say “failure”? I think “abortion” is too strong to use in there) teaches adolescents to be irresponsible for their deeds, and on the other side, the atmosphere of hardworking would stimulate the courage and willingness of the public to increase the efficiency, the result of which is improving the society. (there is another sentence, I suggest you use “on the contrary” at the beginning, maybe it is better than “on the other side”, which have no comparison.) When faced with (I think “facing” is OK) those negative aspects, (you take some positive examples also, so it is not very appropriate to say “negative aspects” in there, maybe you should get rid of your positive examples.) many people tend to ignore them, and live in the little world of their own made by imagination,(how about paraphrase it to “and live in their imaginary world”?) thus they might be less frustrated when they found their original goal could not put into practice.
(the TS of this paragraph is the positive effect of the idealistic, but in the middle of the paragraph, you discuss some negative effects of it, then in the end you also say the negative effect, I think, is that coherence? I see your outline in Chinese, I know you want to say the advantage of idealistic, so how about give some examples to support your position?)


Nevertheless, people could not ignore the solid fact that they all live in a real world, which is filled with happiness, failure, success, catastrophe,(I think use “failure” is OK, catastrophe is too strong in the meaning) and so forth, the realistic point of view helps people avoid facing those bad condition.,(the meaning is not clear, change it to Chinese is “现实的观点帮助人们避免面对这些不好的方面”? right? What is the meaning of “avoid”? I think it should be “face bravely”) only pragmatic behavior guarantees the improvement of the society and the progress of the public. Take the scientific field as an example, the basic characteristics of scientists are (there should be “is”) pragmatic spirits, they know only doubting all the existing phenomena and trying out possible methods to resolve practical problems, could (how about change it to “helping”) the science develop. When it comes to the society, only people (there is a subordinate clause, so do not forget the associated word “who” in there) are encouraged to face difficulties and try all efforts to make practical ways, could the difficulties be cleared away. As a consequence, pragmatic behavior and determination could help the society improve (obvious mistake! Should be “improvement”!).

(In this paragraph, you want to say some advantages of pragmaticism, but the first example is scientists doubt everything, is that have some relationships with your TS? The second example is too weak, it could not support your TS fully, I think. And I suggest your take some conclusion after your examples.)


以后的语言点我没有再仔细改了，你自己检查一下呦    ：）
Furthermore, being practical could help people realize the shortcomings and find alternatives. A widely known case is that there exists limit when people put ideas into practice, for instance, (I think use “such as” is better) the limit (how about “limitation”?) of money, the lack of time, and even the minor number of workforce, etc. Practical attitude is necessary when people decide their plans since considering the troubles and the limits they would possibly confront, people would take out the most suitable procedure. "When the workgroup I am in discuss our plan of experiments," As Grasoleyon F.Bitareo, a famous Canadian physical professor, pointed out once he was interviewed by <Science Today>, "we focus on those trouble we might meet later, and find best solution after considering all the possible limits which would later supersede idealistic, we understand the idealistic view would be useless. "
(use a sentence to support your idea, it is good, but I also suggest you add some explanation in there.)

To sum up, judging from the aforementioned discussion, it is safe for people to come to the conclusion although idealistic view makes people feel better sometimes, the only way to succeed in any field of life is to take practically point of view,



这是我改的最仔细的一篇了，FT，竟然用了半个多小时，嘿嘿，恐怖啊！！！！

语言的问题我改了一些，有些地方不很合适，你自行判断了，我只是根据我的语感改的，呵呵
提醒你注意的一点是：不要刻意追求长句子，前两天我就刚被paisley指出了这个问题，因为有时候咱们把握不好句子的表达的，所以如果没有太多的把握，倒不如用短句子，至少你的意思能说明白啊。
还有，许多该是几个句子的地方你没有拆分，以后注意啊    ：）
每段之间最好空一行

说思路吧，我觉得你的中文主题句写的没问题，破题不错，但是转换成英语好象有点没有完全表达出来，尤其以第一个分论点为突出，意见我写到各段下面了。
另外，有些例子不是很恰当

我也刚开始练习不久，可能有些地方说的也不对，一起讨论喽   ：）

322612UID: 157648

最初由 322612 发布
[B]还有2周就考试了，决定每天写一篇。请大家指教啊！谢谢先~~
99. "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is t..

以下省略...... [/B]

嗬嗬！我是菜鸟，不知道要空行啊。不过我已经改过来了。谢谢！
关于admittedly的用法我一直很模糊， 能不能再讲详细一点？

谢谢啊~~~~~

xqmelissaUID: 140370

admittedly，是表示无可否认的，我觉得你用着没问题
先退一步说---，然后再突出自己的观点，我长这么用的
：）

322612UID: 157648

下面黑色为引用forwww的文字。
红色是我自己的想法

(however (转折什么？)
，嗯，这里好像是有些问题，去掉去掉。

( abortion teaches adolescents to be irresponsible for their deeds, (这个和idealistic有什么关系？怎么理想主义了？)　
题目中说的不是理想主义，而是理想化的态度。不过我也承认这个事例是不恰当。当时写的时候就有些担心，想请教大家一下有没有更好的例子

thus they might be less frustrated （没有论据支持为什么会less frustrated）when they found their original goal (goals) could not put into practice
如果前面那个不是很恰当的例子没有举，而这个地方举例说明，也是上策哟。谢谢！

……only (太绝对了吧？理想主义的人有时是很推动社会发展的,有坚定执著的信念阿) pragmatic behavior guarantees……
汗啊~~~~ 为了说明自己的观点强加上了only是有些不妥。题目中说的不是理想主义啊，是理想化啊。科学加虽然执著但不能就说他们理想化啊，他们不也很现实吗？！一旦发现实验有问题就会改正啊，只有在他们坚信自己没有错误的前提下才会坚持啊，即便是坚持，那也不能算是理想化吧

most suitable (可能accessible好一点)procedure
应该都可以吧，不管咋样，有多了一个可以用的单词。谢谢~~~~~~~~~

As Grasoleyon F.Bitareo,(这个人不会是捏造的吧？哈哈。) a famous Canadian physical professor,
呵呵！的确是胡编的

经大家这么一改，心虚的我汗都流了一地了~~~~~~~~，的确论述的不是很周到，可能是计时写的原因，心慌，想尽快写完，没有考虑到所举事例和要证明的观点之间的贴和度，而且有些事例也不恰当。拼写也存在错误。谢谢你帮我指出来了

322612UID: 157648

much crisis (an obvious mistake! It should be “many crises”)
crisis是可数？！当时我还在犹豫呢，本来说写完以后查查字典，结果忘记了。谢谢！

When faced with (I think “facing” is OK) those negative aspects, (you take some positive examples also, so it is not very appropriate to say “negative aspects” in there, maybe you should get rid of your positive examples.)
嗯，可是我原来的那些负面影响的例子都不是很恰当，有没有什么好的建议？而且，我这一段是写的有些混乱，我再重新改改。

success, catastrophe,(I think use “failure” is OK, catastrophe is too strong in the meaning) and so forth,
因为前面已经说了failure所以这里换个词啦

could (how about change it to “helping”) the science develop.
这里用could是不对，我找了半天没发现主语。汗啊~~~

help the society improve (obvious mistake! Should be “improvement”!).
嗯？！help + sth + do ，难道不是用improve 吗？improvement 是名词啊

我的语言是很罗嗦，自己也很苦恼，谢谢你帮我指出来，似乎开窍了不少啊。
我没怎么准备例子之类的，还打算最后快考试了在抢记一下呢，看来是不行啊。
中文思路转换为英文表述的确有些问题，继续努力继续努力啊
谢谢你！华了你那么多时间，辛苦了！感动啊~~~

也感谢楼上所有人（除我以外啦）帮我改作文

322612UID: 157648

最初由 xqmelissa 发布
[B]admittedly，是表示无可否认的，我觉得你用着没问题
先退一步说---，然后再突出自己的观点，我长这么用的
：） [/B]

我一般用的时候都是先admittedly，后面加个句子A,然后 however，再来个句子B。我觉得意思应该是：诚然，A有理，但是，B更对

这样用对吗？

chusuifengUID: 15381

哪次我也偷偷写一篇
让大家改改 嘿嘿:D:D

322612UID: 157648

楼上纯属灌水！