Issue149 revised by lovebrian, hkkk5257 and aerozxy

smallponyUID: 142978

Issue149  
共用时间：45分    572 words
从2004年3月12日9时11分到2004年3月12日9时45分
------题目------
The most practical and effective way to protect wilderness areas is to attract more tourists to these areas through environmentally sensitive projects.
------正文------
In order to protect wilderness, the way of environmentally sensitive projects is a ideal choice, but not the only choice.

Now in many countries, various natural protective areas have been build up, which are the basis of the environmentally sensitive projects. In these protected wilderness areas, on the one hand, people can freely enjoy the beautiful and natural landscape; on the other hand, the wild animals and areas can accept exclusive protection. When they are visiting around these areas, people are not allowed to throw up trash and especially destroy the natural environment. The reason for executing environmentally sensitive projects is reasonable. First, some illegal actions have greatly threatened the natural environment. If the government does not take such measures to protect these areas, the animals and plants living there will face up to the risk of dying out. Second, these areas belong to the whole people, no one can deprive people's right to appreciate them. Consequently, the government then thinks out this eclectic method, by which both the wilderness areas and the people's rights can receive protection. In addition, doing so can also benefit the local economy, because large amount of visitors can bring the prosperity to the whole areas. There is a famous and successful example - The Mount Fuji in Japan. In the areas of Fuji, there are no artifical instruments and if people want to reach the top of the mount, they must climb all by themselves because there is no funicular railway. Therefore the natural sight has received perfect protection and the Fuji attracts millions of visitors to appreciate the sacred mount of Japan.

However, given the benefits, people must admit the fact that as long as people pass by, they always leave trails. That is to say, no matter how careful peopel are, their actions will inevitably bring some negative impaction to the natural environment. Consequently, no one can make sure that such environmentally sensitive projects do work well and efficiently. If the managers are not alert to the potential imperilment from people, and then there will be more troubles in the future. Sometimes, over-tourism and irresponsible actions of some tourists even force the mangers to close these protected areas in order to save the natural environment.

Consequently, people should take other auxiliary measures to environmentally sensitive projects besides the environmentally sensitive projects. First of all, the economic supporting from the government is the most efficient one. For the government has the responsibility and capacity to do so. In addition, the whole public should take action to attribute to such protective undertaking. Moreover, the most important thing that should be pay attention to is the notion of common people. Nowadays, many people think that the protection of the wilderness areas is the affair of the society as well as the government and they do not think the condition of whether the areas can receive good protection will have influence on their daily lives. In fact, they are wrong. Our human being is one part of the nature but not the master of other living things. If the balance of the nature encounters damages, the serious results will finally retaliate people themselves. As a result, people should renewedly build up a responsible notion – protecting the wilderness areas is just protecting people themselves.

All in all, the government, the society as well ordinary people must unite together to contribute to the common enterprise of protecting the wilderness areas.

hkkk5257UID: 155661

你什么时候考啊

smallponyUID: 142978

3 月22号

lovebrianUID: 157127

In order to protect wilderness, the way of environmentally sensitive projects is a ideal choice, but not the only choice.

Now in many countries, various natural protective areas have been build up, which are the basis of the environmentally sensitive projects. In these protected wilderness areas, on the one hand, people can freely enjoy the beautiful and natural landscape; on the other hand, the wild animals and areas can accept exclusive protection. When [they are] visiting around these areas, people are not allowed to throw up trash and especially destroy the natural environment. The reason for executing environmentally sensitive projects is reasonable.（别扭） First, some illegal actions have greatly threatened the natural environment. If the government does not take such measures to protect these areas, the animals and plants living there will face up to（勇敢地面对？face就可以了） the risk of dying out. Second, these areas belong to the whole people（没有这个短语吧）, no one can deprive people's right to appreciate them. Consequently, the government then thinks out this eclectic method, by which both the wilderness areas and the people's rights can receive protection. In addition, doing so can also benefit the local economy, because large amount of visitors can bring the prosperity to the whole areas. There is a famous and successful example - The Mount Fuji in Japan. In the areas of Fuji, there are no artifical instruments and if people want to reach the top of the mount, they（who?） must climb all by themselves because there is no funicular railway. Therefore the natural sight has received perfect protection and the Fuji attracts millions of visitors to appreciate the sacred mount of Japan.从说理得到折衷的措施 想法不错 稍微显得罗嗦了 例子在一大段分析的后面 感觉不是很好 但是层次分明 语言也不错

However, given the benefits（good）, people must admit the fact that as long as people pass by, they always leave trails. That is to say, no matter how careful peopel are, their actions will inevitably bring some negative impaction to the natural environment. Consequently, no one can make sure that such environmentally sensitive projects do work well and efficiently. If the managers are not alert to the potential imperilment from people, and then there will be more troubles in the future. Sometimes, over-tourism and irresponsible actions of some tourists even force the mangers to close these protected areas in order to save the natural environment.感觉很单薄 不够深刻具体

Consequently（用得太多了）, people should take other auxiliary measures to environmentally sensitive projects besides the environmentally sensitive projects（应避免重复）. First of all, the economic supporting from the government is the most efficient one. For the government has the responsibility and capacity to do so（这是个什么句子？）. In addition, the whole public should take action to attribute to such protective undertaking. Moreover, the most important thing （没谓语？）that should be pay attention to is the notion of common people. Nowadays, many people think that the protection of the wilderness areas is the affair of the society as well as the government and they do not think the condition of whether the areas can receive good protection will have influence on their daily lives. In fact, they are wrong. Our human being is one part of the nature but not the master of other living things. If the balance of the nature encounters damages, the serious results will finally retaliate people themselves. As a result, people should renewedly build up a responsible notion – protecting the wilderness areas is just protecting people themselves.（ts是主张要有新措施 中间论证绕圈子要提高人们的思想 与新措施不是直接关系 有跑的嫌疑 最后勉强的又扯回到ts 感觉有点问题）

All in all, the government, the society as well ordinary people must unite together to contribute to the common enterprise of protecting the wilderness areas.


文章大层次上不错 小层次上还要再斟酌 用语有重复的习惯
还有environmentally sensitive projects 究竟怎么理解？我不太明白作者的意思

纯属个人意见 呵呵

加油

smallponyUID: 142978

就是环保旅游类似的吧

hkkk5257UID: 155661

The most practical and effective way to protect wilderness areas is to attract more tourists to these areas through environmentally sensitive projects.
------正文------
In order to protect wilderness, the way of environmentally sensitive projects is a ideal choice, but not the only choice.

Now in many countries, various natural protective areas have been build up, which are the basis of the environmentally sensitive projects. In these protected wilderness areas, on the one hand, people can freely enjoy the beautiful and natural landscape; on the other hand, the wild animals and areas can accept （receive好些）exclusive protection. When they are（可以去掉they are） visiting around these areas, people are not allowed to throw up trash and（其实用定语从句比用并列表达要好） especially destroy the natural environment（但是我还是具的这句话好像没有起多大作用啊： 感觉你的意思这句话要继续补充上一句，但是没有到位，上句是说野生动物和区域可以得到保护，这句话应该进一步说明怎样得到保护，或为什么这样可以得到保护的原因，但是你只提到了trash，似乎不够强，还不如不要这句，反正你下面在分析原因了）. The reason for executing environmentally sensitive projects is reasonable. First, some illegal actions have greatly threatened the natural environment. If the government does not take such measures to protect these areas, the animals and plants living there will face up to the risk of dying out. Second, these areas belong to the whole people（human being要好些）, no one can deprive people（）'s right to appreciate them. Consequently, the government then thinks out this eclectic method, by which both the wilderness areas and the people's rights can receive protection. In addition, doing so can also benefit the local economy, because large amount of visitors can bring the prosperity to the whole areas（没有明确说明，不是visitor多了，就繁荣，而是local income on tourism increase－>economic prosperity 自己的观点）. There is a famous and successful example - The Mount Fuji in Japan. In the areas of Fuji, there are no artifical instruments and if people want to reach the top of the mount, they must climb all by themselves because there is no funicular railway（同no artifical instruments 重复，再修改）. Therefore the natural sight has received perfect protection and the Fuji attracts millions of visitors to appreciate the sacred mount of Japan.（感觉牵强啊， 没有funicular railway 就一定不会造成环境破坏啊）（而且Fuji是wilderness areas嘛？）（中间的论证部分还可以，至少有条理，我感觉到了）

However, given the benefits, people must admit the fact that as long as people pass by, they always leave trails. That is to say, no matter how careful people are, their actions will inevitably bring some negative impaction to the natural environment. Consequently, no one can make sure that such environmentally sensitive projects do work well and efficiently. If the managers are not alert to the potential imperilment from people, and then there will be more troubles in the future. Sometimes, over-tourism and irresponsible actions of some tourists even force the mangers to close these protected areas in order to save the natural environment.

Consequently, people should take other auxiliary measures to environmentally sensitive projects besides the environmentally sensitive projects. First of all, the economic supporting from the government is the most efficient one. For the government has the responsibility and capacity to do so. In addition, the whole public should take action to attribute to such protective undertaking. Moreover, the most important thing that should be pay attention to is the notion of common people（既然是the important thing了，为什么还放在in addition处，我觉得应该改成another important factor）. Nowadays, many people think that the protection of the wilderness areas is the affair of the society as well as the government and they do not think the condition of whether the areas can receive good protection will have influence on their daily lives. In fact, they are wrong. Our human being is one part of the nature but not the master of other living things. If the balance of the nature encounters damages, the serious results will finally retaliate people themselves. As a result, people should renewedly build up a responsible notion – protecting the wilderness areas is just protecting people themselves. （最后来个简单总结吧，需要government and people 两方面的努力）

All in all, the government, the society as well ordinary people must unite together to contribute to the common enterprise of protecting the wilderness areas（结尾太不好了，没有圆，太匆忙了）
文章的开头说environmentally sensitive projects是理想的，然后论证的第一个段落证明了，
             但不是唯一的选择，文章的第四段回应了，但是你的第三段好像在开头没有回应啊？你的开头有点简单，可以适当加上一点，关于environmentally sensitive projects的negative effects 的说明，然后这样文章的第三部分也在开头有回应了。

Ps： 我的一点想法，也是按我写作文的思路改的，如果有不同意见，可以提出大家讨论。
     而且我具的第一点要改成practical and effective way 而不说是ideal way 要更扣题一些，你认为呢？
    这篇文章我没写过，不过，我会尽快写一篇，可以互相改一下～！
    大家讨论， 我29号考试，快了。

aerozxyUID: 142241

In order to protect wilderness, the way of environmentally sensitive projects is a ideal choice, but not the only choice.（第一段，是不是太简单了一点？）

Now in many countries, various natural protective areas have been build up, which are the basis of the environmentally sensitive projects. In these protected wilderness areas, on the one hand, people can freely enjoy the beautiful and natural landscape;（感觉用wonderful形象一点，wonderful landscapes in nature） on the other hand, the wild animals and areas can accept exclusive protection. When they are visiting around these areas, people are not allowed to throw up trash and especially destroy the natural environment. （这个表达欠妥，因为乱扔垃圾本来就属于破坏环境的行为，并列起来不太好，可以用列举 littering trash, firing, or other behaviors destroying the natural environment are prohibited.）The reason for executing environmentally sensitive projects is reasonable. First, some illegal actions have greatly threatened the natural environment. If the government does not take such measures to protect these areas, the animals and plants living there will face up to the risk of dying out. Second, these areas belong to the whole people, no one can deprive people's right to appreciate them. Consequently, the government then thinks out this eclectic method, by which both the wilderness areas and the people's rights can receive protection. In addition, doing so （呵呵，太口语化了，直接用execution of the project 是不是更好呢？）can also benefit the local economy, because large amount of visitors can bring the prosperity to the whole areas. There is a famous and successful example - The Mount Fuji in Japan. In the areas of Fuji, there are no artifical instruments and if people want to reach the top of the mount, they must climb all by themselves because there is no funicular railway. Therefore the natural sight has received perfect protection and the Fuji attracts millions of visitors to appreciate the sacred mount of Japan.（这段论证感觉你的思路好像不是太清晰，为什么不一开始就摆明的论点呢？environmentally sensitive projects 应该是和旅游相关的计划，自然保护区的建立和这个计划之间到底有什么联系，你的论述好像重点没有放在上面，你的几个分论点好像都在论述建立自然保护区的重要性）

However, given the benefits, people must admit the fact that as long as people pass by, they always leave trails. That is to say, no matter how careful peopel are, their actions will inevitably bring some negative impaction to the natural environment. Consequently, no one can make sure that such environmentally sensitive projects do work well and efficiently. If the managers are not alert to the potential imperilment from people, and then there will be more troubles in the future. Sometimes, over-tourism and irresponsible actions of some tourists even force the mangers to close these protected areas in order to save the natural environment.（这段和前面有点矛盾吧，你第一段说你要论述的是the way of environmentally sensitive projects is a ideal choice, but not the only choice. 并没有提到它的缺点，最好在文章一开头就加上一点暗示，如though has some demerits....）

Consequently, people should take other auxiliary measures to environmentally sensitive projects besides the environmentally sensitive projects. （这句话重复了）First of all, the economic supporting （support）from the government is the most efficient one. For the government has the responsibility and capacity to do so. In addition, the whole public should take action to attribute to such protective undertaking. Moreover, the most important thing that should be pay attention to is the notion of common people. Nowadays, many people think that the protection of the wilderness areas is the affair of the society as well as the government and they do not think the condition of whether the areas can receive good protection will have influence on their daily lives. In fact, they are wrong. Our human being is one part of the nature but not the master of other living things. If the balance of the nature encounters damages, the serious results will finally retaliate people themselves. As a result, people should renewedly build up a responsible notion – protecting the wilderness areas is just protecting people themselves.

All in all, the government, the society as well ordinary people must unite together to contribute to the common enterprise of protecting the wilderness areas.

我觉得文章围绕旅游和保护环境之间的矛盾展开比较合适！
需要加强的是语言方面，许多用语都太口语话了，这个应该
是议论文中比较忌讳的。

纯属个人观点，供参考，用语不当之处还请多原谅！ ;)
欢迎砸我的文章

smallponyUID: 142978

谢谢大家。问题真不少耶，我回加油的！！！！！！！！