issue142大家给我看一下吧,不要手下留情

jianguoUID: 157933

issue142  "The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority."

Authority exists in every field and domain and plays a very important and crucial pole in the development of the society. However, people have the obligatory and duty to criticize authority and expert for making their theory perfect and making the society accelerating progression.

Authority always is experienced and skillful in his/her own field. He/She has made many research and study and accumulated lots of knowledge which is useful and leading effect for the greenhorn. When a theory or experiment has conflicting result and deduction from different person, the authority's claim will make others have impressed learning and give them thinking methods or facets. For instance, in every international conference of different fields, the presider will invite many authority and expert, who can give many confused problems proper explanation and accurate reasons. It is the true meaning of the seminar and colloquium.

However, the more valuable attitude of people is that they should have critically accepted the authority's theory instead of accepting passively. Facing the history and many successful people, their experience is that they have the critical attitude for everyone and existing theories even authority and adages. Moreover, the authority basely is a common person, so he/she can make mistakes in their life even in their adept studying field, which is very common and reasonable. Without the faults and failure, the society should stay here and has not any progress. For instance, Bohr, an outstanding scientist, put forward the quanta theory just because he didn't believe the existing theory.

In addition, the critical attitude for the authority has many benefit. Firstly, it can cultivate people form the habit of thinking problem considerably and all-sided. When person can put forward question of authority's theory, he/she has the attitude of the thinking method and the different facets, whether it is true or false, and he has the innovation. Secondly, the critical attitude for the authority can make the expert know that his/her theory or claim is not perfect and has still existed many problems and many facets should proceed forward. Through the procession, authority and other person can learn each other. For example, Aristotle, was the authority of science and philosopher, put the theory that when two different objects were drop down in the same height, the weight objective must drop quickly more the thinner one. He then taught the theory to his student as an axiom and the theory consisted for several thousands years just because no one has criticized the authority. Then Galilei, having the proper attitude, put audaciously his own theory, which was certified correct.

As the proverb says that absolutely authority makes absolutely corrupt. The criticism system and censorship system may lead the authority live in a more and more democratic society. It is unthinkable that a society without question would develop in a good way. Taking the government as instance, proper censorship is necessary for the government developing very well. The Soviet Union has corrupted just because the leader took the despotism police.

To sum, if people want to make the human being progress. They should have some critical attitude for authority though experts have many experience and skill in their field.

maniacUID: 155886

感觉三四段说的差不多，都是质疑的好处，可合在一起；
前面一直说自然科学领域，第五段突然来了一段政治，感觉突兀；既然分领域，就应在段间说清：“As for political field”“In the realm of nature science”
另外，对政治领域也可作一下让步：质疑人多-〉暴乱

jianguoUID: 157933

谢谢maniac,你说的很对,我当时确实想把政治当作一个例子.互相进步呀!

jianguoUID: 157933

自己顶一下吧，我每天给人改，却每人理我，郁闷

fishergirlUID: 152325

呵呵，也帮你顶一下吧。最好把题目加上，方便别人看：）

明天来看。

jianguoUID: 157933

谢谢fishergirl了，我应该多向你请教呀！

zeus_meUID: 157807

我就帮你改，等等！

zeus_meUID: 157807

No.1 issue142大家给我看一下吧,不要手下留情
Authority exists in every field and domain and plays a very important and crucial pole（ROLE） in the development of the society. However, people have the obligatory and duty to criticize authority and expert for making their theory perfect and making the society accelerating progression.
开头很清晰，很好，而且流畅！ 发扬。

Authority always is experienced and skillful in his/her own field. He/She has made many research and study and accumulated lots of knowledge which is useful and leading effect for the greenhorn. When a theory or experiment has conflicting result and deduction from different person, the authority's claim will make others have impressed learning and give them thinking methods or facets. For instance, in every international conference of different fields, the presider will invite many authority and expert, who can give many confused problems proper explanation and accurate reasons. It is the true meaning of the seminar and colloquium.
这个例子是似乎与该段论点关系不大。AUTHORITY地参与是一种SEMIAR AND COLLOQUIU, AS YOU SAID,但并不能说明他们SKILLFUL AND EXPERIENCED.
However, the more valuable attitude of people is that they should have critically accepted the authority's theory instead of accepting (不要重复ACCEPT,)passively. Facing the history and many successful people, their experience is that they have the critical attitude for everyone and existing theories even authority and adages. Moreover, the authority basely is a common person, so he/she can make mistakes in their life even in their adept studying field, which is very common and reasonable. Without the faults and failure, the society should stay here and has not any progress. For instance, Bohr, an outstanding scientist, put forward the quanta theory just because he didn't believe the existing theory. 这个例子的陈述很漂亮。

In addition, the critical attitude [U]for [/U]  (toward )the authority has many benefit(s). Firstly, it can cultivate people form the habit of thinking problem considerably and all-sided. When person can put forward question of authority's theory, he/she has the attitude of the thinking method and the different facets, whether (however )it is true or false, and he has the innovation. Secondly, the critical attitude for the authority can make the expert know that his/her theory or claim is not perfect and has still existed many problems and many facets should proceed forward. Through the procession, authority and other person can learn each other. For example, Aristotle, was the authority of science and philosopher, put the theory that when two different objects were drop down in the same height, the weight objective must drop quickly more the thinner one. He then taught the theory to his student as an axiom and the theory consisted for several thousands years just because no one has criticized the authority. Then Galilei, having the proper attitude, put audaciously his own theory, which was certified correct.
这个例子较上个孙色多了，冗长而且没有变化，换一种表达吧。。。其实我也一样，看到别人的时候才发现。。As the proverb says that absolutely authority makes absolutely corrupt. （，）The（the） criticism (system) and censorship system may lead the authority live in a more and more democratic society. It is unthinkable that a society without question would develop in a good way. Taking the government as instance, proper censorship is necessary for the government developing very well. The Soviet Union has corrupted just because the leader took the despotism police.
你的例子很丰富阿

To sum, if people want to make the human being progress. They should have some critical attitude for authority though experts have many experience and skill in their field.
结尾时许还少了点什么，是赶时间把。另外还有大小写错误，建议先用WORD 该一下先！


你的例子好丰富阿·
我觉得自己例子还很缺乏，希望能指点指点，能告知我一点例子么，如果整理勒的话，将更好。呵呵。

指出一点，你的例子后面很少有一两句分析性的论证，这是ets很不喜欢的，嗬嗬，以后注意要扣一下论点，这样他就会说你
develop a position with persavasive examples.---benmark 第一条。

整体写得不错啊，段落很参差的，我喜欢这种感觉，可惜我还做不到啊！

jianguoUID: 157933

谢谢zeus_me的鼓励，我的例子大部分从网上弄的。你的分析很有道理，以后大家互相进步把。

icyscorpioUID: 146659

Authority exists in every field and domain and plays a very important and crucial pole in the development of the society. However, people have the obligatory（应该用名词吧？？但我也不会拼。） and duty to criticize authority and expert for making their theory perfect and making the society accelerating progression.
观点明确，但是不是太简单了。也可能是美国人喜欢的。
我的开头一直不好，别听我的。但你那第一句绝对是废话。：）

Authority always is experienced and skillful in his/her own field.（我觉得结构无比重要，即使是八股，所以第一句需要表明段落主题才好。个人意见，而且这句也是废话。） He/She has made many research and study and accumulated lots of knowledge which is useful and leading effect for the greenhorn. When a theory or experiment has conflicting result and deduction from different person, the authority's claim will make others have impressed learning and give them thinking methods or facets. For instance, in every international conference of different fields, the presider will invite many authority and expert, who can give many confused problems proper explanation and accurate reasons. It is the true meaning of the seminar and colloquium.
不太明白，这段是干什么用的？？介绍背景？？好像用不着吧。
你再看看吧。

However, the more valuable attitude of people is that they should have critically accepted the authority's theory instead of accepting passively.（明确，我喜欢。但如果加上个为什么就更完整了。） Facing the history and many successful people, their experience is that they have the critical attitude for everyone and existing theories even authority and adages. Moreover（这个在推理中说不通，你句间无递进的关系，我觉得这种问题得注意）, the authority basely is a common person, so he/she can make mistakes in their life even in their adept studying field, which is very common and reasonable. Without the faults and failure, the society should stay here and has not any progress. For instance, Bohr, an outstanding scientist, put forward the quanta theory just because he didn't believe the existing theory. （例子后要总结，好像前人已经批评过你了，我再说一下吧。我也有这毛病，在改进中。）

In addition, the critical attitude for the authority has many benefit.（还好） Firstly, it can cultivate people form the habit of thinking problem considerably and all-sided（此词什么意思？？我不太理解。）. When person can put forward question of authority's theory, he/she has the attitude of the thinking method and the different facets, whether it is true or false, and he has the innovation（开始不太通顺了）. Secondly, the critical attitude for the authority can make the expert know that his/her theory or claim is not perfect and has still existed many problems and many facets should proceed forward. Through the procession, authority and other person can learn each other. For example, Aristotle（别老说这种大名人的例子吧，换换口味，我一天改几篇，几天写一篇，老是这几个人出现我都烦，就别提ETS了，你说是吧，让他们也新鲜一下，顺便也给我们高分啊。）, was the authority of science and philosopher, put the theory that when two different objects were drop down in the same height, the weight objective must drop quickly more the thinner one. He then taught the theory to his student as an axiom and the theory consisted for several thousands years just because no one has criticized the authority. Then Galilei, having the proper attitude, put audaciously his own theory, which was certified correct.
这段中的两层意思还算可以吧，但感觉不是十分清晰。我得再想想看。

As the proverb says that absolutely authority（原句是power吧，用在这里不合适，我觉得。） makes absolutely corrupt. The criticism system and censorship system may lead the authority live in a more and more democratic society. It is unthinkable that a society without question would develop in a good way. Taking the government as instance, proper censorship is necessary for the government developing very well. The Soviet Union has corrupted just because the leader took the despotism police. （怎么搞到政治上了？？不合适。）

To sum, if people want to make the human being progress.（？？？？？不应该吧。） They should have some critical attitude for authority though experts have many experience and skill in their field.
结尾写的不太好，没升华。这个应该再想想。


别这样写吧，我不是N人，所以我很看重结构和推理，对于语言，我写的本来就不好，也不好说别人什么。反正看到你们用我不会的词，我就觉得你们N。

你的结构有些问题，建议你看看我的，我的结构我觉得还是比较准的。虽然可能也是问题多多。

jianguoUID: 157933

谢谢icyscorpio的修改,互相进步

zeus_meUID: 157807

有时间帮我看看吧。

http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175876