新人小白人生第一篇独立作文求批改！！！！

乖囧猴UID: 3498617

大概就是问人们度假时该不该带手机。。。我知道我写的很菜。。不过还是想求批改一下，，，谢谢了！！！
Nowdays,with the development of residents's living standard,more and more people orfamily has choose traveling
as major entertainment of holiday.However, which also risen a discussion likewise.Wheather people should take phone
or not,when they are on vacation.
As far as I am concerned,I totally agree that we shouldn't leave our phones at home.because it's
enough reasons to take it when holiday.The first reason is my smart phone can make some reservation for me or be my guide.
For instance,if I  want ti gou Maldives for a vacation.On one hand,I don't know how to find a nice hotel if I come to there first.
,but I can ues phone to make reservation of hotels or restruants .On the other hand,I can find some tips
in some phone's applications.Contratry to convential wisdom,I don't need to laden by some heavy real  guide books with me
,just use my phonecan offer all the information I need.
The second reason goes to ,there is no doubt that the social Internet is play more and more
important role in mour daily life,you can use Facebook,Twitter,Microblog to share photos and videos
with your friends and relatives,anytimes ,any where.Capture the beautiful scenery by your phone,and remains a unforgettable
memeries forever.
Last but not least,since the phone had a notable impact on communication,so just image a
situation where emergency occurs,such as you lost your companies when traveiling,your boss call you to
inquire some buiness instantaneously,or your parents care about where are you,and so on.
These are all difficult to handle with if you don't take the phone with you.You can retain a careness
for work,through this ,your boss will look highly of you.
All in all ,I'm staunch supporter of taking the phone with me while traveling,it not only
can make sure the connection between my life and work,but slso can cororgul my holiday time.

dolphin_wbyUID: 3408651

建议LZ去参加写作小组，互改比较容易提高水平，比这样直接贴一篇也能得到更有价值的回复~

另外贴之前请先检查一下，避免一些明显的拼写错误

tangerine_tUID: 3518102

一个小tip 把文章里的you改成I
我的意思是说 尽量把这些都改成你自己的故事 编也可以
总体感觉略刻板而且细节不丰富 但是调理很清晰（大概是链接词的缘故吧）

这样三段的文章 你可以重点展开写某一两个点 这样会觉得丰富有层次
另外例证多用你自己的故事，这样一来能写出更多字（因为可以自然地加进去好多没关系的细节╮(╯▽╰)╭）二来更令人信服。大家都喜欢看故事。

剩下的还是建议去写作小组改吧~加油哦