现在写作是白开水，求大神点评

望眼UID: 3734051

13. Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

I fundamentally agree with the proposition that students must take courses outside their major field of study, which can broaden their perspective, facilitate academy study and contribute to future careers.
The primary reason why I agree with the proposition is that the first mission that we study is able to gain the knowledge and thinking abilities. Taking a class mathematics, the logical and subtle thinking benefit us to solve problem completely. History makes us understand the past and imagine the future. An insight and perspective standpoint can be achieved by studying society. The physics can lead us to explore the mysterious and expansive universe. With those subjects, we can become truly educated and gain an elemental value of the world.
Besides forming a model of thinking, taking outside disciplines can also make us fully understand our academic study. Take an example for the global warming. It attracts more attention from most scientists and governors as the temperature of the earth is becoming increased. In order to observe and extrapolate the phenomenon and results of global warming, it needs varies aspects of knowledge, such as chemistry, physics, atmosphere, geology, biology and even computer science. Because the phenomenon is so complicated and involved that scientist can explain the cause and effects only from one or two views. Thus, learning more other field theory can be beneficial for our academic study.
Some people argue that taking too much subjects will be detrimental to the future career. That is not true. As a computer engineering, mathematics is an important skill to programming language. As a biologist, it is essential to understand the change of substance, while it is a knowledge of chemistry. Teacher must learn physiology other than the specific professional discipline. If we want to have a bright future, we should take some other elective curriculums.
In conclusion, I believe that requiring students to take courses outside their field is a meaningful recommendation. Because students will be thankful for the decision which impart them creative thinking, more knowledge and high-level quality.

望眼UID: 3734051

希望大神指点，获取真经

xixiongUID: 3760112

下面用英文给你评了 （我也练一下打字）
The essay have shown you have good vocabulary level. It is done in a clear structure, which is good.

There are a few issues.

Your first and second point are very similar, at least explained similarly. Basically, you can interchange their examples and with no abrupt feelings. Try make them more distinct, at least sound distinct from each other next time.

Changing point of view in the middle of a passage can be confusing.
eg.

"That is not true. As a computer engineering, mathematics is an important skill to programming language. As a biologist, it is essential to understand the change of substance, while it is a knowledge of chemistry. Teacher must learn physiology other than the specific professional discipline. If we want to have a bright future, we should take some other elective curriculums."

You first talked about being a computer engineer (not engineering), a biologist and  a teacher, which are in third person, then you jumped to talk about how "we" (first person) want to have a bright future. You also did not example who "we" are. Try make your point of view consistent next time.

Overall it is good. (3.5/6 maybe? I am by no means a qualified ETS writing grader, it's just my opinion.)

Hope this helps.
GOOD LUCK!

望眼UID: 3734051

谢谢，收获很多

望眼UID: 3734051

xixiong 发表于 2016-10-18 03:49
下面用英文给你评了 （我也练一下打字）
The essay have shown you have good vocabulary level. It is do ...

谢谢，收获很多