Issue51 关于教育效率。欢迎拍砖...写到现在，还没有人替我改过一篇啊

ManhattanUID：174671

很想知道自己AW的问题在哪里，可是贴了好几篇了，到现在还没有人改...还是先谢谢一会儿替我改的朋友:)
题目：
"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
正文：
The author contends that education will be truly effective when it is specifically designed after each student’s needs and interests. Although I concede that specialized education could boost a student’s desire to learn, I generally don't agree with the speaker, since such education is inherently inapplicable and could do harm to the development of science and technology.

From the respective of every individual, such specialized education appears to be appealing and is likely to be more effective. Obviously, people will become more motivated when learning what they are interested in and presumably learn it faster. Considering two college students majored in computer science, one takes programming as his second life while the other considers this major as something ruined his whole life. It goes without saying that the first one could learn times better than the latter, given that they were provided the same environment. On the other hand, the latter one, while not interested in computer science, might show great desire to learn when being switched to some major he really loves, such as literature or finance. Education which is specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student is most likely to arouse a student's enthusiasm of learning.

However, this ideal mode of education is inapplicable most of the time, in that an individual is rarely aware of his needs and interests without certain education. For example, a student who has never learned astrology would never think that he might be interested in it, while actually he could be fascinated by this field from the first minute he touched it. Some fields may even not known to the majority that have not experienced certain training, how could a student be interested in it before he gets to know it? As a matter of fact, one important goal of modern education is to arouse the interest of the students towards science and technology. If we design education after what the individual needs and interests, this primary function was deprived, and ironically, what individuals may truly be interested in were concealed from them.

Further more, even if I concede that people might be aware of their interests and needs, such specialized education still can not be considered as effective, as long as the effectiveness is not mainly determined by how fast individuals learn their knowledge, but instead, how much of their knowledge is applicable in changing the world or society to a better future. Valuing individual needs and interests over the needs of the society may result in a great waste of educational resource and thus the declination of effectiveness.  For instance, subjects such as archeology and geography are rarely interested because research in these fields are extremely boring and tiring. When education is designed to meet individual needs and interest, there might be few people learning these subjects. But without research endeavors in these fields, we are never able to advance our knowledge of the history of ourselves and this planet we lived on for millions of years. The advancement of science and technology, as well as that of our society, calls for scholars and experts in every aspect; thus sometimes the education system should force individuals to learn certain knowledge, be it what they interested in or not. Only in this way can education be effective, though at the price of sacrificing some of the freedom of people receiving it.

In sum, when education is specifically designed to meet individual needs or interests, it doesn't become effective at all, in stead, it keeps people receiving it from what they actually will be interested in; what is more, it hinders the advancement of science and technology, as well as that of our society.

strummerUID：167192

我觉得你的结构很清晰（学习中），只是好象少了第一段，忘了贴吧～加油

ManhattanUID：174671

多谢楼上，呵呵，昏头了，把第一段漏了。
已经补上，还请指教

strummerUID：167192

The author contends that education will be truly effective when it is specifically designed after (这个after是什么用法啊，不太懂)each student’s needs and interests. Although I concede that specialized education could boost a student’s desire to learn, I generally don't agree with the speaker, since such education is inherently inapplicable and could do harm to the development of science and technology.

From the respective(你想用perspective？)of every individual, such specialized education appears to be appealing and is likely to be more effective. Obviously, people will become more motivated when learning what they are interested in and presumably learn it faster. Considering two college students majored in computer science, one takes programming as his second life (?)while the other considers this major as something ruined(?) his whole life. It goes without saying that the first one could learn times better than the latter, given that they were provided (要加with的吧)the same environment. On the other hand, the latter one, while not interested in computer science, might show great desire to learn when being switched(用主动好点) to some major he really loves, such as literature or finance. Education which is specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student is most likely to arouse a student's enthusiasm of learning.

先改这些吧，困了，脑子不清楚了～汗～很多Ｇ友都是夜猫子啊ＰＦＰＦ

DendisUID：158017

The author contends that education will be truly effective when it is specifically designed after each student’s needs and interests. Although I concede that specialized education could boost a student’s desire to learn, I generally don't agree with the speaker, since such education is inherently inapplicable and could do harm to the development of science and technology.
（破题很清晰，好）

From the respective of every individual, such specialized education appears to be appealing and is likely to be more effective. Obviously, people will become more motivated when learning what they are interested in and presumably learn it faster. Considering two college students majored in computer science, one takes programming as his second life while the other considers this major as something ruined his whole life. It goes without saying that the first one could learn times better than the latter, given that they were provided the same environment. On the other hand, the latter one, while not interested in computer science, might show great desire to learn when being switched to some major he really loves, such as literature or finance. Education which is specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student is most likely to arouse a student's enthusiasm of learning.
（只是用单一的假设的个人的例子来例证似乎力度不够，可以加强其他方面的逻辑论述。）

However, this ideal mode of education is inapplicable most of the time, in that an individual is rarely aware of his needs and interests without certain education. For example, a student who has never learned astrology would never think that he might be interested in it, while actually he could be fascinated by this field from the first minute he touched it. Some fields may （be）even not known to the majority that have not experienced certain training, how could a student be interested in it before he gets to know it? As a matter of fact, one important goal of modern education is to arouse the interest of the students towards science and technology. （论断过于绝对）If we design education after what the individual needs and interests, this primary function was deprived, and ironically, what individuals may truly be interested in were concealed from them.
（攻击点选的不错，而且在指出时间顺序的悖论上也很有力）

Further more, even if I concede that people might be aware of their interests and needs, such specialized education still can not be considered as effective, as long as the effectiveness is not mainly determined by how fast individuals learn their knowledge, but instead, how much of their knowledge is applicable in changing the world or society to a better future. Valuing individual needs and interests over the needs of the society may result in a great waste of educational resource and thus the declination of effectiveness. For instance, subjects such as archeology and geography are rarely interested（？）because research in these fields are extremely boring and tiring. When education is designed to meet individual needs and interest, there might be few people learning these subjects. But without research endeavors in these fields, we are never able to advance our knowledge of the history of ourselves and this planet we lived on for millions of years. The advancement of science and technology, as well as that of our society, calls for scholars and experts in every aspect; thus sometimes the education system should force individuals to learn certain knowledge, be it what they interested in or not. Only in this way can education be effective, though at the price of sacrificing some of the freedom of people receiving it.
（这一段的例证要强于上两段，尤其是考古学那个例证展开得不错，好）

In sum, when education is specifically designed to meet individual needs or interests, it doesn't become effective at all（at all似乎过于绝对，和B1有矛盾）, in stead, it keeps people （少了个from吧）receiving it from what they actually will be interested in; what is more, it hinders the advancement of science and technology, as well as that of our society.

（总体而言感觉不错，语言很流畅，论证的话可以通过更严密的逻辑组织更上一层楼。赞一个。继续努力，+U～～～有空多帮其他人改改作文）

warmhearted520UID：144651

"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
正文：
The author contends that education will be truly effective when it is specifically designed after(for) each student’s needs and interests. Although(多余) I concede that specialized education could boost a student’s desire to learn （the subject  interesting them）, I (最好变换主语，to the speaker’s opinion, it was not agreed)generally don't agree with the speaker, since such education is inherently inapplicable( 感觉这个句子美说完，可加in the modern society where person usually recommend the equality education)  and could do harm to the development of science and technology.

From the respective of every individual( from practical condition of the individual), such specialized education appears to be appealing and is likely to be more effective. Obviously, people will become more motivated when learning what they are interested in and presumably learn(ed) it faster. Considering(taking a example about) two college students majored in computer science, one takes programming as his second life while the other considers this major as something ruined his whole life. It goes without saying that the first one could learn times(有点不明白) better than the latter, given that they were provided the same environment. On the other hand, the latter one, while not （being）interested in computer science, might show great desire to learn when(if) being switched to some major(s) he really loves, such as literature or finance. Education which is specifically designed to meet individual needs and interests of each student is most likely to arouse a student's enthusiasm of learning.

However, this ideal mode of education is inapplicable (under some condition)most of the time, in that an(最好不要) individual is rarely aware of his needs and interests without certain education. For example, a student who has never learned astrology would never think(understand his own interest in the realm) that he might be interested in it, while actually he could be fascinated by(even wallowed in) this field from the first minute he touched it. Some fields may even not(be) known to the majority that have not experienced certain training, how could a student be interested in it before he gets to know it? As a matter of fact, one important goal of modern education is to arouse the interest of the students towards science and technology. If we design education after what the individual needs and interests, this primary function was deprived, and ironically, what individuals may truly be interested in were concealed from them.

Further more, even if I concede that people might be aware of their interests and needs, such specialized education still can not be considered as effective, as long as the effectiveness is not mainly determined by how fast individuals learn their knowledge, but instead, how much of their knowledge is applicable in changing the world or society to a better future. Valuing individual needs and interests over the needs of the society may result in a great waste of educational resource and thus the declination of effectiveness. For instance, subjects such as archeology and geography are rarely interested because research in these fields are extremely boring and tiring. When education is designed to meet individual needs and interest, there might be few people learning these subjects. But without research endeavors in these fields, we are never able to advance our knowledge of the history of ourselves and this planet we lived on for millions of years. The advancement of science and technology, as well as that of our society, calls for scholars and experts in every aspect; thus sometimes the education system should force individuals to learn certain knowledge, be it what they interested in or not. Only in this way can education be effective, though at the price of sacrificing some of the freedom of people receiving it.

个人意见：总体的结构不错，语言方面，哈哈  抱歉， 我不会变修改的颜色

ManhattanUID：174671

多谢warmhearted, dendis和strummer,我再回去改改:)

9.15就考了，紧张啊