帮改一篇130，一个女孩子让我帮帖的

Faith9527UID: 169547

130 How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使 他们对社会有益。
The trend of children development reflects the trend of destiny of society. Contemporary society, which is constantly on the tongues of men, including a group of human beings broadly distinguished from other groups by mutual interests, participation in characteristic relationships, shared institution, and a common culture. While, as a new strength in contemporary society, children who are socialized today, play a significant roles of innovators for modern society in the further.  Beyond dispute, children provide us a glorious perspective from present their versatility while hold a skeptical and curious attitude towards nearly everything in quotidian life, what’s more, they always represent good willing to cooperate. However, another correlative deliverance in the statement, pontificate that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, doubtless, it is impractical for me to embrace the conception above.
First of all, our society is not only the institutions and culture of distinct self-perpetuating group, but also, may be which is more vital for individual milieu, friends, family members, teachers around us. That is to say, children’s social education begins with the people who they are familiar with. On the contrary, the other important part of life for children is the formal education in schools. In virtually, contemporary education involves two the main sections: social education and school education.
On one hand, under particular circumstance a society of laws, religion, regimen and institution, we transmits moral values, conventions, proprieties, which are the prerequisites for a sound institution social system, in order to make a essential basis for children to understand society. The subtle and accurate comprehension of individual milieu, which children gain from familiar people with their common sense and everyday experience, blazes a trail for initial social ties for children.
On the other hand, there is an integrated educational system in our enlighten society, concluding elementary school, secondary school, high school and university, in additional, the other vocational training program. What should be clarified is that, acquainting oneself with the Renaissance which broke millenarian slumber of Europe after the period of middle ages or Pythagorean Theorem, does not boil down to the exclusive responsibility of school children. To illustrate, not only an independent thinking and mind of questioning beyond the skin-deep presented is needed, but also, as a part of society, group collaboration and interpersonal skills are in greater demands through a special cooperation with schoolmates. Furthermore, panacea of education is inexistent, whereas, if it really existent, that is mentoring relationship, which is between teachers and student with a partnership of sorts.
Secondly, through education of children is the concernful determined factor for the vicissitudes of society, we must notice that exceeding attention on mundane vision of the children’s achievements ,such like academic disciplines, will impede the natural development of children in other more crucial facets. Being less constrained by traditions and conventions, and besides the ordinary curriculum arrangement, ulteriorly(进一步地), children is triggered the proper improvement according to their own mind, as a result, a well-symmetry between traditional education and autonomous education is guaranteed.
In sum, the inclination of children today, whether we are willing or not, embody the further destiny of society. The essential target of education will be distort, if we absolutely overlooking the significance of social education and school education, especially in the field the socialized facet of children’s growth, moreover, group collaboration and interpersonal skills are a part of contemporary education as well. By meditating above, violation of well balance between traditional education and autonomous education should be avoided.

clausiusUID: 147331

The trend of children development reflects the trend of destiny of society. Contemporary society, which is constantly on the tongues of men, including (individuals) broadly distinguished from (others) by mutual interests, participation in characteristic relationships, shared institution, and a common culture. While, as a new strength in contemporary society, children who are socialized today, play a significant (role) of innovators (of) modern society in the further. Beyond dispute, children provide us (with)a glorious perspective from present their versatility while hold a skeptical and curious attitude towards nearly everything in quotidian life, what's more, they always represent good (will) to cooperate. However, another correlative deliverance in the statement, pontificate (我真想不通这里用argue,maintain,assert之类的词不就够了，非得用这么偏的词，难道会加分？)that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, doubtless, it is impractical for me to embrace(我不否认有包含的意思，不过还是用accept最好，在我看来) the (statement) above.
First of all, our society is not only the (institution) and culture of distinct self-perpetuating group, but also, may be (what) is more vital for individual milieu, friends, family members, teachers around us. That is to say, children’s social education begins with the people who they are familiar with. On the contrary, the other important part of life for children is the formal education in schools. In virtually, contemporary education involves two the main sections: social education and school education.
On one hand, under particular circumstance a society of laws, religion, regimen and institution, we transmits moral values, conventions, proprieties, which are the prerequisites for a sound institution social system, in order to make a essential basis for children to understand society. The subtle and accurate comprehension of individual milieu, which children gain from familiar people (by) their common sense and everyday experience, blazes a trail for initial social ties for children.
On the other hand, there is an integrated educational system in our enlighten society, concluding elementary school, secondary school, high school and university, in (addition), the other vocational training program. What should be clarified is that, acquainting oneself with the Renaissance which broke millenarian slumber of Europe after the period of middle ages or Pythagorean Theorem, does not boil down to the exclusive responsibility of school children. To illustrate, not only an independent thinking and mind of questioning beyond the skin-deep presented is needed, but also, as a part of society, group collaboration and interpersonal skills are in greater demands through a special cooperation with schoolmates. Furthermore, panacea of education is inexistent, whereas, if it really existent, that is mentoring relationship, which is between teachers and student with a partnership of sorts.
Secondly, through education of children is the concernful determined factor for the vicissitudes of society, we must notice that exceeding attention on mundane vision of the children’s achievements ,such like academic disciplines, will impede the natural development of children in other more crucial facets. Being less constrained by traditions and conventions, and besides the ordinary curriculum arrangement, ulteriorly(进一步地), children is triggered the proper improvement according to their own mind, as a result, a well-symmetry between traditional education and autonomous education is guaranteed.
In sum, the inclination of children today, whether we are willing or not, embody the further destiny of society. The essential target of education will be distort, if we absolutely overlooking the significance of social education and school education, especially in the field the socialized facet of children’s growth, moreover, group collaboration and interpersonal skills are a part of contemporary education as well. By meditating above, violation of well balance between traditional education and autonomous education should be avoided.

说真的，改不下去了．怎么着我也准备Ｇ有段时间了，阅读也能做个六成对，可看这篇文章比Ｇ的长文章还难懂．真想不通用了这么多的偏词（词汇量应该很大）可怎么总犯语法错误．其实不是词用得越大越好的．恕我无能，只改了前面一小部分．还有，最好每段第一句话就列原因，你不是反对作者观点吗，那就不理由分段说出来，这样直接了当．不过，也许ＥＴＳ的考官会给高分．

Faith9527UID: 169547

不限时的，我也是帮她改了一下就改不下去了
语法错误太多了，而且词不达意

Faith9527UID: 169547

谢过了先