issue159 科技类第一篇 老题

haiyaUID: 187989

已有修改稿了，再下面喔，结合LSD提的建议，我再重新改了下，比第一次满意多了，西西。大家对比看，可能也有帮助喔！



------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------

In the era of rapid development of technology and science, machines take more and more active attitudes to participate in the process of human's creating treasure and wealth. In the match between human mind and machine, I fundamentally agree with the statement the human mind will laugh last thus laugh best.

Undeniably, machines become useful assistants for us to quest for truth, kindness and beauty. In biology, we would not make breakthrough without microscopes; in art, we would not catch a wonderful moment without cameras; in archaeology, we would not explore somewhat dangerous tomb without robots. Even in daily life, we are linked with machines tightly. Machines, such as refrigerator, microwaver, liberate us from innumerous tiring and boring household. They indeed bring us convenience and comfort. Anyone dare not to imagine what our life would be if they disappeared one day.

Moreover, machines get more and more bright and clever to some degree. The mature of artificial intellect technology give us miracles of machines. They are able to listen, speak, move and so forth. Owning to their high-speed operation and striking memory ability, some asserts they have minds. As is known to all, the outstanding artificial intellect, Deep Blue, beat down Garry Kasparov, who used to be the No.1 chess great. After that match, Kasparov claimed excitedly,” I played the chess likely with the God!” At the first glance, it seems machine draw the sword to human mind. Therefore, some are suspicious about whether the machine will completely superior to human mind in the near future, which have been described in details in science fiction and displayed vividly in movie more than once.

The answer is absolutely "NOT". However they are so-called “bright”, machines are created by us. As the great human, we have some qualities that machines are impossible to obtain and catch up. They are emotion and creativity, which two features distinguish us from machines. do machines understand love? Machine, through which we get emotion, are hard hearted. On the other hand, we know love. We love our family, friends and life. We will be enthusiastic about the microcosm. We will feel the happiness existing in a photo. We will respect for the ancient civilization. Emotion is the spiritual treasure of the world. It links us reciprocally to solidarize and congregate as long as some threaten impends.  

Not only emotion but also creativity is what machine lacks. If I concede that Deep Blue defeated Kasparov in the chess match, I will add one word: this is an unequal match to some extend. Since Deep Blue is stocked with enough classical chess manuals of the chess greats in 20th century, Kasparov, in fact, played the chess with many human minds, which were good at chess. Deep Blue is just a machine, which follows the direction from the program that the human made up in advance. What it did, it judged the location of one step, searched the solution in database and finish its step. Kasparov's real opponent -the god- is human mind itself. Hence, machines doom to be controlled and administrated by human mind despite however intellectual they look externally.

To sum up, as toys in kids' hands, machines are all derived from human's inspiration and intellect. Assisted by them, our life turns colorful and meaningful. Whereas, we should learn and think more other than plunge in such convenient life deeply. Only to make us stronger guarantee the far future is still held in our hands not in machines' ones.

提纲列好再拿出来写的，改了半个多小时，555，觉得最近好快瓶颈了，写都写不出：（

LSDUID: 157855

占座！呵呵，看看先！

haiyaUID: 187989

我要不行了，今天晚上就看了三道题，而且除了第一道想好后写出来了，另外两道越想越困惑。。。。想得都快吐出来了。。。。大家早点睡喔，我先去睡觉了：）

LSDUID: 157855

------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------

In the era of rapid development of technology and science, machines take more and more active attitudes to participate in the process of human's creating treasure and wealth. In the match between human mind and machine, I fundamentally agree with the statement the human mind will laugh last thus laugh best.[感觉开头还是没有很清楚地表明自己的观点，只是对题目进行了肯定]

[Undeniably, machines become useful assistants for us to quest for truth, kindness and beauty.] In biology, we would not make breakthrough without microscopes; in art, we would not catch a wonderful moment without cameras; in archaeology, we would not explore somewhat dangerous tomb without robots. Even in daily life, we are linked with machines tightly. Machines, such as refrigerator, microwaver,[这个词用的不太对阿] liberate us from innumerous tiring and boring household. They indeed bring us convenience and comfort. Anyone dare not to imagine what our life would be if they disappeared one day.[这段说了科技成果给人们带来的好处，可是和题目有什么关系呢？题目说的是机器和人类的比较阿？？嗬嗬，个人意见]

[Moreover, machines get more and more bright and clever[这个怎么没有宾语？] to some degree.] The mature of artificial intellect technology give us miracles of machines. They are able to listen, speak, move and so forth. Owning to their high-speed operation and striking memory ability, some asserts they[already] have minds. As is known to all, the outstanding artificial intellect, Deep Blue, beat down Garry Kasparov, who used to be the No.1 chess great. After that match, Kasparov claimed excitedly,” I played the chess likely with the God!” At the first glance, it seems machine draw the sword to human mind. Therefore, some are suspicious about whether the machine will completely superior to human mind in the near future, which have been described in details in science fiction and displayed vividly in movie more than once. [你自己的观点在哪里呢？下一段么？嗬嗬，再往下看看]

[he answer is absolutely "NOT". However they are so-called “bright”, machines are created by us.]As the great human, we have some qualities that machines are impossible to obtain and catch up. They are emotion and creativity, which two features distinguish us from machines. do machines understand love? Machine, through which we get emotion, are hard hearted. On the other hand, we know love. We love our family, friends and life. We will be enthusiastic about the microcosm. We will feel the happiness existing in a photo. We will respect for the ancient civilization. Emotion is the spiritual treasure of the world. It links us reciprocally to solidarize and congregate as long as some threaten impends. [这段陈述了自己的观点，说明机器不可能超越人的能力，看起来好像是在和上一段照应阿，但是仔细想来本段的观点并不能由上一段的现象得出][还有，你这段的ts和你后面的内容是什么关系呢？好像不是被证明与证明的关系阿！]
[Not only emotion but also creativity is what machine lacks.][这后面为什么不再加一句：所以人类不可能被机器超越阿，这样不是更切题么] If I concede that Deep Blue defeated Kasparov in the chess match, I will add one word: this is an unequal match to some extend. Since Deep Blue is stocked with enough classical chess manuals of the chess greats in 20th century, Kasparov, in fact, played the chess with many human minds, which were good at chess. Deep Blue is just a machine, which follows the direction from the program that the human made up in advance. What it did, it judged the location of one step, searched the solution in database and finish its step. Kasparov's real opponent -the god- is human mind itself. Hence, machines doom to be controlled and administrated by human mind despite however intellectual they look externally.

To sum up, as toys in kids' hands, machines are all derived from human's inspiration and intellect. Assisted by them, our life turns colorful and meaningful. Whereas, we should learn and think more other than plunge in such convenient life deeply. Only to make us stronger guarantee the far future is still held in our hands not in machines' ones.

haiyaUID: 187989

改好了，谢谢LSD提的建议，我每段都有修改说明^^，谢谢大家，继续拍喔
------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------

In the era of rapid development of technology and science, machines take more and more active attitudes to participate in the process of human's creating treasure and wealth. Yet since they don’t understand emotion and creativity, in the match between human mind and machine, I fundamentally agree with the statement that the human mind will laugh last thus laugh best. 开头：是背景介绍，第二句加了个原因--概述后面为什么不能超过的两点—来陈述我的观点，我的观点是同意这句话。引proverb：He laughs best who laughs last.


Undeniably, machines become useful tools for us to quest for truth, kindness and beauty. In biology, we would not make breakthrough without microscopes; in art, we would not catch a wonderful moment without cameras; in archaeology, we would not explore somewhat dangerous tomb without robots. Even in daily life, we are linked with machines tightly. Machines, such as refrigerator, microwave oven, liberate us from innumerous tiring and burdensome household. They indeed bring us convenience and comfort. Anyone dare not to imagine what our life would be if they disappeared one day. b1是写机器是成为了生活中有用的工具。我觉得这道题有两个关键的地方。一个是机器仅仅工具。机器不能超越人。前者是后者的成立原因。所以我觉得在文章里应该先肯定机器是有用的工具。

However, some persons suspicious whether machines will superior to human mind in the near future since they get more and more bright and clever to some degree. The mature of artificial intellect technology give us miracles of machines. They are able to listen, speak, move and so forth. Owning to their high-speed operation and striking memory ability, some asserts they already have minds. As is known to all, the outstanding artificial intellect, Deep Blue, beat down Garry Kasparov, who used to be the No.1 chess great. After that match, people have been gradually worried about their status confronting the challenge of Machine’s Era even Kasparov claimed,” I played the chess likely with the God!” Then, will it be true that machines exceed human minds in the near future, which have been described in details in science fiction and displayed vividly in movie more than once. b2的ts缺宾语吗？我没看出来啊。。。*^^*我第二段是写人工智能对人类的挑战。并提出疑问人工智能会不会超越人类，接到b3。发现我还是不习惯把ts概括下文。提得好！我把这段的ts改了，把想说的话都提到ts里。再在下面展开

The answer is absolutely "NOT". Notwithstanding they are so-called “bright”, machines are created by us. They will never surpass us. It is because that, as the great human, we have some qualities which machines are impossible to obtain and catch up. They are emotion and creativity, which two features distinguish us from machines.
Emotion makes us encourage, ambitious and strong. We know love. We love our family, friends and life. We will be enthusiastic about the microcosm. We will feel the happiness existing in a photo. We will respect for the ancient civilization. Emotion propel us to self-development and self-realization. It links us reciprocally to solidarize and congregate as long as some threaten impends. But do machines understand love? Machine, through which we get emotion, are hardhearted. They don’t know what they like, what goal is and how to fulfill it by endeavor. When they are attacked by adversaries, such as virus, they haven’t friends to be helped through or conciliated. b3我把原来的一段拆成两段，拎出来的一段概述人类有两点是机器无法办到的，然后试这也在ts里一次讲清楚。哎，以前一直喜欢慢慢推啊引啊写中文作文的，现在都要在开头就想好，要多锻炼。分出来的emotion一段顺序也重新调整了

Not only emotion but also creativity, which machines lack, doom machines inferior to human mind. The definition of machines mind is just copies of human former ideas and thoughts. If I concede that Deep Blue defeated Kasparov in the chess match, I will add one word certainly: this is an unequal match to some extend! Since Deep Blue is stocked with enough classical chess manuals of the chess greats in 20th century, Kasparov, in fact, played the chess with many human minds other than machines’. Deep Blue is just a machine, which follows the direction from the program that the human made up in advance. Thus it hasn’t create new thoughts but repeat what human mind have done. Once these minds and thoughts are out-dated, museum is the last place to which the kind of machines will be sent. 现在的b5也重新改了一下，觉得自己当时写的时候还是有点混乱的。现在大家再看看好点没？

To sum up, as toys in kids' hands, machines are all derived from human's inspiration and intellect. Assisted by them, our life turns colorful and meaningful. Whereas, we should learn and think more other than plunge in such convenient life deeply. Only to make us stronger guarantee the far future is still held in our hands not in machines' ones.

poohUID: 146994

给你看的时候，忘记了看题目，后来再一看题目觉得扣题扣的不好，这里题目的意思是人类思想要优于机器，因为机器是工具。你要注意这里的because从句，这是一个反驳的点。

body段有些地方逻辑不很严密，思维有跳跃性。

如果不看题目，感觉还是篇不错的文章，但是这样显然是得不了高分的，扣题是关键啊，你要抓住题目关的突破点才能有的放矢。

------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------

In the era of rapid development of technology and science, machines take more and more active attitudes machine能有attitudes吗？ to participate in the process of human's creating treasure and wealth. In the match between human mind and machine, I fundamentally agree with the statement thethat human mind will laugh last thus laugh best.match改成competition比较合适吧, not sure 最后这句套用是不是可以

Undeniably, machines become useful assistants for us to quest for truth, kindness and beauty. In biology, we would not make breakthrough without microscopes; in art, we would not catch a wonderful moment without cameras; in archaeology, we would not explore somewhat dangerous tomb without robots.这几个排比都太绝对了 Even in daily life, we are linked with machines tightly. Machines, such as refrigerator, microwaver, liberate us from innumerous tiring and boring household. They indeed bring us convenience and comfort. Anyone dare not to imagine what our life would be if they disappeared one day.本段前面还可以，后面突然转到了daily life，衔接不太好，而且跟TC没有前后呼应，最好修改一下tc

Moreover, machines get more and more bright and clever 注意比较级的用法to some degree. The mature of artificial intellect technology give us miracles of machines. They are able to listen, speak, move and so forth. Owning to their high-speed operation and striking memory ability, some asserts they have minds. As is known to all, the outstanding artificial intellect, Deep Blue, beat down Garry Kasparov, who used to be the No.1 chess great. After that match, Kasparov claimed excitedly,” I played the chess likely with the God!” At the first glance, it seems machine draw the sword to human mind. Therefore, some are suspicious about whether the machine will completely superior to human mind in the near future, which have been described in details in science fiction and displayed vividly in movie more than once.

The answer is absolutely "NOT". However they are so-called “bright”, machines are created by us. 语法错误，改成 However "bright" they are deemed, machines are created by humans As the great human, we have some qualities that machines are impossible to obtain and catch up. They are emotion and creativity, which two features 语法错误，which 已经指代two features了，所以去掉two features distinguish us from machines. do machines understand love? Machine, through which we get emotion这里不懂，怎么说我们从机器得到感情呢，表达模糊, are hard hearted. On the other hand, we know love. We love our family, friends and life. We will be enthusiastic about the microcosm. We will feel the happiness existing in a photo. We will respect for the ancient civilization. Emotion is the spiritual treasure of the world. It links us reciprocally to solidarize and congregate as long as some threaten impends.

Not only emotion but also creativity is what machine lacks. If I concede that Deep Blue defeated Kasparov in the chess match, I will add one word: this is an unequal match to some extend. Since Deep Blue is stocked with enough classical chess manuals of the chess greats in 20th century, Kasparov, in fact, played the chess with many human minds, which were good at chess. Deep Blue is just a machine, which follows the direction from the program that the human made up in advance. What it did, it judged the location of one step, searched the solution in database and finish its step. Kasparov's real opponent -the god- is human mind itself. Hence, machines doom to be controlled and administrated by human mind despite however intellectual they look externally.

To sum up, as toys in kids' hands, machines are all derived from human's inspiration and intellect. Assisted by them, our life turns colorful and meaningful. Whereas, we should learn and think more other than plunge in such convenient life deeply. Only to make us stronger guarantee the far future is still held in our hands not in machines' ones

haiyaUID: 187989

谢谢pooh姐姐的批改
我明天订正后再贴

想问一句的是，我的观点是同意这个statement。所以我是从肯定出发来证明这个because的。
正是因为它是工具，所以它不可能超过我们。

如果从反驳的角度讲，我想不出它存在其他原因而不可能超过我们。或者说，它具备其他原因可以超过我们。

又或者换个角度来说，是因为它们没有创造力没有感情才不会超过我们？----》所以这个论断就错了。

btw,关于那个没有看明白的话，我的意思是说，“通过它们，我们得到了现象；通过想象，我们得到了感情。”恩，好象这样比较清楚了，再改改。

倒，我快晕掉了。快来救救我~~~>=<

觉得写得时候倒不是最困难，最困难的是怎么说服自己我自己想的是正确的。

poohUID: 146994

想问一句的是，我的观点是同意这个statement。所以我是从肯定出发来证明这个because的。
正是因为它是工具，所以它不可能超过我们。
这样写是可以的，但是你的文章基本没提到机器是工具，第一段提到是assistant,你似乎是想表达这个意思，但是你的重点却是放在了人类离不开机器上，怎么能突出人思维的优越性呢？！显然跟你得thesis相悖啊。而且你body2用了moreover,这个连词是表示顺接的，我知道你想表达一种表面现象，body3再批驳，但是moreover用的不合适，而且我觉得body2和body3最好合在一起来写。

如果从反驳的角度讲，我想不出它存在其他原因而不可能超过我们。或者说，它具备其他原因可以超过我们。

又或者换个角度来说，是因为它们没有创造力没有感情才不会超过我们？----》所以这个论断就错了。
这样写可以，但是有两点问题。1是你thesis里面完全同意了题目，所以后面这两段似乎很唐突。二是过渡的不自然，使读者不明白你是要写tool之外机器跟人思维的比较

btw,关于那个没有看明白的话，我的意思是说，“通过它们，我们得到了现象；通过想象，我们得到了感情。”恩，好象这样比较清楚了，再改改。你原文表达得不对吧

倒，我快晕掉了。快来救救我~~~>=<

觉得写得时候倒不是最困难，最困难的是怎么说服自己我自己想的是正确的。


写得还可以，已经开始上正规了，但是还需要多琢磨琢磨题目，再看看自己文章是否做到了coherent &logical

haiyaUID: 187989

明白了。我再想想看。谢谢pooh姐姐的回复~~我还在担心它就这样沉掉了。开心啊开心。xixi

其实我第一段是想表达是工具的。
因为觉得老用tool不太好，所以就换了个assistant.
我再换个方式写第一段试一下。

我原来的思路是
1。（肯定）它是工具，可以帮我办很多事情。
2。（提出另一个观点）artificial intellect, 有人认为它正在或将要超过人类。
3。 （驳斥b2）机器人为什么不能超过我们
1）感情 （针对一般工具，带一下b1）
2）思考 （针对智能工具，驳斥一下b2）

大家可以参考一下我的提纲，看起来会舒服点：）