argument 147 第一次写 请大家多指教

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

题目  147  The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months


In this argument the arguer claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this claim, the arguer points out that a recent survey of video-game player suggests that the sales trends is about to be reversed. Meanwhile, to further justify this claim, he cites Whirlwind has introduced several games direct at people 10 to 25. At first glance, this argument seems very specific and convincing. A careful examination of it, however would reveal how groundless it is.
  Firstly, the argument is base on the gratuitous assumption that WV can provide lifelike game, then player are likely to buy their products. It is somewhat ridiculous isn’t it? There are a lot of alternate choices, it is no evidence that player who prefer lifelike graphics will buy WV’s products exclusively. Besides, since WV games have declined in the past two years. It is quite possible that the quality of their game is poor. Even if their quality is high, their fame has been destroyed by the two years’ decline.
  Secondly, there is no evidence show that 10 to 25 years old players are mainly who care about the lifelike graphics. If they don’t, WV’ advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 has no dramatic use, just a waste of money. Moreover, since the lifelike graphics need the most up-to-date computer, 10-25 years old player could not possibly afford that since they are mostly students or something close to.
  Finally, grant that 10 to 25 years old players are mainly who care about the lifelike graphics and WV’ advertisement has great effects. There may be a depression, although players are thirsty to buy WV’ game, the lack of money prevents them from buying it.
   To sum up, the argument is not well reasoning and lack credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lead to strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more evidence to prove that players are likely to buy WV’ video game exclusively, and the market is well. Additionally, it would be essential for the arguer to make an effective and representative survey to support the argument.  
   第一次写，是不是太少了？还有开头结尾是不是太长了？请大家多指教！！谢谢！1

poohUID: 146994

的确是，开头太长，耽误时间，只要简单总结一下就好，两三句话就行。

结尾is ok

body段写的干瘪，范文看过了没有？

zhoulin00001UID: 189304

范文我看了，觉得用时太长，就写的少了，多谢指点，我会继续努力的！