Issue185 偶的第一篇ISSUE，严重困难，非常严重，内附提纲

妖妖UID: 149770

Issue185

"Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful.They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

1.丑闻可以吸引公众的注意
2.丑闻可以让大家注意一些从前没有注意到的缺点
3.有利于民主进程
4.丑闻也是有缺点的

准备了半个下午，到现在（9：30 PM）脑袋基本是一团糨糊了，什么东西都没有，到处看大家写的东西，估计断断续续的写的东西也没有什么连贯性了 :( 大家能批的就批了 :D 谢谢拉~~偶就这样菜的水平 :(


Scandals gradually become common in our life while this word was seldom used about one hundred years ago when people lived in a world rigidly controlled by religions and education and democracy were not prevalent as now. To some extent, with the aid of the powerful mass communication the widespread of scandals is a sign of advanced society, although many of scandals were false or made to meet the curiosities of some people. In the following I will illustrate how scandals effect our society which cannot done by speaker or reformer.

For its own especial character which discovers secrete events opposite to the normal moral or rule, scandal can attract almost all the attention of people at the short time. Why the scandal's specific has such great effects? According to the psychologist study, almost all people have nature interests in something which is different from normal. In other word, more or less, all of us all take it granted that scandals are interesting. So all most all scandals, from the Watergate scandal happened in seventies in last century to the sexual scandal of Bill Clinton happened in past years to the recent scandals of abusing captives in Iraqi War, rose the overwhelming discussion within the whole world. For most of speaker or reformer, it is impossible for them to take the same effects as the scandal did in such a short time.

After rising enough public attention, some wise people translate their focus from the scandal itself to the flaws hidden in the scandal which is action that offends propriety or established moral conceptions or morality. These flaws are often neglected by public for a long time. Take a famous scandal happened in academic fields as an example. About three years ago, a famous professor in Peking University was expelled by the university for he copied the paper of another professor to his book. People gradually are aware of how important the copy right is during this scandal, while many people in China even do not have the concept of copy right.

Furthermore scandals can do good to the healthy democracy by discovering the bribery in the officers or other kinds of corruption in a country. Without the scandal of Huizhong Huang, the president of Hunan province in China, who took the bribery more than 100,000,000 yuan, and a series of same kind of corruption scandals, the government cannot pass the proposal to supervise the advanced officers. While these kinds of things are more persuasive than the speech or the lecture made by the speakers or the reformers.

Admittedly, scandals also have many negative effects. In some sense, Bill Clinton is a victim of public excessive attention of private life. Again many stars especially the amusement stars using all kinds of man-made scandals to attract the public attention. At the same time, public were often
tired of the endless meaningless scandals.

All in all, scandals can focus our attention on problems while it is hard for the speaker or reformer to do.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

妖妖我来了
去同主题讨论一下吧

鬼谷子UID: 159645

"Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful.They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

1.丑闻可以吸引公众的注意
2.丑闻可以让大家注意一些从前没有注意到的缺点
3.有利于民主进程
4.丑闻也是有缺点的


Scandals gradually become common in our life while this word was seldom used about one hundred years ago when people lived in a world rigidly controlled by religions and education and democracy were not prevalent as now. To some extent, with the aid of the powerful mass communication the widespread of scandals is a sign of advanced society, although many of scandals were false or made【fabricated】to meet the curiosities of some people. In the following I will illustrate how scandals effect 【affect】our society which cannot done by speaker or reformer. 【开头还是不错的，从背景引入。一个问题就是把sign of advanced society说的再清楚点，这样把观点藏在一堆句子里面不是很明显】

For its own especial character【characteristic】 which discovers secrete events opposite to【violate】 the normal moral or rule, scandal can attract almost all the attention of people【public】 at the short time. Why the scandal's specific has such great effects? According to the psychologist study, almost all people have nature interests in something which is different from normal. 【这个论据好】 In other word, more or less, all of us all take it granted that scandals are interesting. So all most all scandals, from the Watergate scandal happened in seventies in last century to the sexual scandal of Bill Clinton happened in past years to the recent scandals of abusing captives in Iraqi War, rose the overwhelming discussion within the whole world. For most of speaker or reformer, it is impossible for them to take the same effects as the scandal did in such a short time. 【论述的还是成功的，而且注意提到了好奇是人的天性和speaker reformer的问题】

After rising enough public attention, some wise people translate 【？turn】their focus from the scandal itself to the flaws【problems】 hidden in the scandal which is action that offends propriety or established moral conceptions or morality. These flaws are often neglected by public for a long time. Take a famous scandal happened in academic fields as an example. About three years ago, a famous professor in Peking University was expelled by the university for he copied the paper of another professor to his book. People gradually are aware of how important the copy right is during this scandal, while many people in China even do not have the concept of copy right. 【例子也不错呢，感觉你不只是从丑闻作用上面分了层次：吸引注意>>发现问题。而且领域上面也分层了，政治>>学术。一个小问题，对于“被忽略”这一点可以再深入一点】

Furthermore scandals can do good to the healthy democracy by discovering the bribery in the officers 【officials】or other kinds of corruption in a country. Without the scandal of Huizhong Huang, the president of Hunan province in China, who took the bribery more than 100,000,000 yuan, and a series of same kind of corruption scandals, the government cannot pass the proposal to supervise the advanced officers. While these kinds of things are more persuasive than the speech or the lecture made by the speakers or the reformers. 【这句有点突兀，而且，对于推动社会发展的作用你论述的不够】

Admittedly, scandals also have many negative effects. In some sense, Bill Clinton is a victim of public excessive attention of private life. Again many stars especially the amusement stars using all kinds of man-made scandals to attract the public attention. At the same time, public were often tired of the endless meaningless scandals.【现象说的还可以，不过论述怎么就这么一句就结束了啊？重点要说出为什么有害啊！不是说人们烦了就可以了，你可以论述对于隐私的侵犯问题，明星丑闻抄作对于社会道德的影响问题。还可以说转移了人们的视线问题。浪费了社会资源的问题。】

All in all, scandals can focus our attention on problems while it is hard for the speaker or reformer to do. 【这个结尾也太短了，结尾要用总结性的语言把你的论述归纳的】

【总体来说还不错，思路很好，论述也基本到位，语言也是不错的。让步段和结尾显然是你写累了就不好好写了，要认真啊！加油吧！】

jorgeUID: 108878

最初由 妖妖 发布
[B]

Scandals gradually become common in our life while this word was seldom used about one hundred years ago when people lived in a world rigidly controlled by religions and education and democracy were not prevalent as now. To some extent, with the aid of the powerful mass communication the widespread of scandals is a sign of advanced society, although many of scandals were false or made to meet the curiosities of some people. In the following I will illustrate how scandals effect our society which cannot done by speaker or reformer.并没有看到一个很清晰的论点呢。

For its own especial-->specific character which would discovers secrete events opposite to the normal moral or rule, scandal can attract almost all the attention of people at the short time. Why the scandal's specific-->specific为复数的时候为细节。"details" has such great effects? According to the psychologist's study我觉得，假如写个心理家的名字出来，会更好, almost all people have nature interests in something which is different from normal. In other words, more or less, all of us all<-delete "all"or change into "completely"take it granted that scandals are interesting. So all most all scandals-->every scandal, from the Watergate scandal happened in seventies-->70th in last century to the sexual scandal of Bill Clinton happened -->occuredin past years to the recent scandals of abusing captives in Iraqi War, rose the overwhelming discussion within the whole world. For most of speakers or reformers, it is impossible for them to take the same effects as the scandal did in such a short time.

After rising-->rise不及物 enough public attention, some wise people translate their focus from the scandal itself-->scandals themselves to the flaws hidden in the scandals which is action that offends propriety or established moral conceptions or morality-->or 两边，时态应该一样. These flaws are often neglected by public for a long time. Take a famous scandal happened in academic fields as an example. About three years ago, a famous professor Just create one name for the professorin Peking University was expelled by the university for he copied the paper of another professor to his book. People gradually are -->graduallyaware of how important the copy right is during this scandal, while many people in China even do not have the concept of copy right.感觉语句毛病很多呢，我建议还是每个开头，一个简单句概括下整段的意思为好"[/color

Furthermore,  scandals can do good-->provide advantage or promotion to the healthy democracy by discovering the bribery or corruption in-->among the officers or other kinds of corruption in a country. Without the scandal of Huizhong Huang case that...., the president of Hunan province in China, who took-->committed the bribery for more than 100,000,000 yuan, and a series of same kind of corruption scandals,as well as some related corruption scandals .From the scandal cases, the government cannot -->could pass the proposal to supervise the advanced officers. While these kinds of things-->cases are more persuasive than the speech or the lecture -->teachingd or instruction made by the-->any speakers or the reformers.

Admittedly, scandals also have many numerous negative effectsinfluence. In some sense, Bill Clinton is a victim of public excessive attention of private life. Again, many movie or music as well as sport stars especially the amusement stars using -->useall kinds of man-made scandals +they could to attract the public attention. At the same time, public were often
tired of the endless and meaningless scandals.

All in all, scandals can focus our attention on problems while it is hard for the speaker or reformer to do.[/B]

结尾Too simple


语法句法修辞句式等需要改进
其他的就是似乎让我感觉你有话不怎么表达的样子。:(

jorgeUID: 108878

我觉得还是开头和结尾想个你自己的套路为好 :p