Argument239 第1篇 大家多指教

yatoliUID: 190935

Argument239  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：112分49秒     从2005年2月22日21时9分到2005年2月22日23时112分
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The following appeared as an editorial in the local newspaper of Dalton.
'When the neighboring town of Williamsville adopted a curfew four months ago that made it illegal for persons under the age of 18 to loiter or idle in public places after 10 p.m., youth crime in Williamsville dropped by 27 percent during curfew hours. In Williamsville's town square, the area where its citizens were once most outraged at the high crime rate, not a single crime has been reported since the curfew was introduced. Therefore, to help reduce its own rising crime rate, the town of Dalton should adopt the same kind of curfew. A curfew that keeps young people at home late at night will surely control juvenile delinquency and protect minors from becoming victims of crime.'
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     The author of this editorial argues that in order to reduce the crime rate the city of Dalton should establish a 10:00 p.m. curfew for minors under age 18. To support the argument, the author points out that Williamsville adopted a similar curfew four months ago, and since then Williamsville's youth crime rate has dropped by 27 percent during curfew hours. The author also points out that after taking the measure, in Williamsville's town square no crimes have been reported. However, close scrutiny of the argument reveals various logical problems, which render it unconvincing.
    To begin with, the author fails to convince me that Williamsville's overall crime rate has declined, or that the curfew is responsible for any such decline. It is entirely possible that although the city's youth crime rate has declined, its adult crime rate has risen. If so, the proposed curfew in Dalton might accomplish little toward reducing its crime rate. Even if Williamsville's  overall crime rate has declined in the past four months, the decline is not  necessarily attributable to the curfew. Perhaps Williamsville has also establish other social programes that help young people avoid delinquency. In short, without ruling out all other possibilities that might affect Williamsville's crime rate during the last four months, the author's claim that the curfew is responsible for the drop of the city's crime rate is dubious.
     Moreover, the evidence involving the city square does not adequately assume that the curfew has reduced the crime rate. The number of crime reported in the square does not necessarily reflect the number actually commited there. It is entirely possible that the government of Williamsville  has confined media to report the crimes after the curfes. If so, then the mere fact that no crimes in the square have been reported recently would amount to scant support for the author's argument.
     Even if Williamsville's curfew has been effective to reduce the city's overall crime rate, the editorial's claim, based on a false analogy, that the curfew would cause a similar decline in Dalton is unwarranted. Dalton might differ from Williamsville in ways that would undermine the curfew's effectiveness in Dalton. Or perhaps the percentage of crimes commited by adults in Dalton is far greater than that in Williamsville. Thus, lacking evidence that conditons on the two cities are relevantly similar, the author cannot convince me on the basis of Williamsville's experience that the curfew would be effective in attaining Dalton's goals.
    Finally, the author infers that the curfew would control juvenile delinquency and protect minors from becoming victims of crime is also problematic. This reference depends on the assumption that all youth crimes and crimes against youths occur during curfew hours. Yet common sence informs me that many such crimes occur during other hours.
   To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide clear evidence that the curfew, not some other reasons, influence the youth crime rate in Williamsville. To better evaluate the argument, we would need to compare the two cities' conditions. Additionally, the author would have to provide more information about what percentage of crimes related to youth in Dalton.

用的时间太长了，现在才开始第一次写，我都觉得有些没信心了……

千翼UID: 199721

明天看，今天有点困了，占个位

yatoliUID: 190935

Thx!

千翼UID: 199721

前几天有点是,看晚了.
The author of this editorial argues that in order to reduce the crime rate the city of Dalton should establish a 10:00 p.m. curfew for minors under age 18. To support the argument, the author points out that Williamsville adopted a similar curfew four months ago, and since then Williamsville's youth crime rate has dropped by 27 percent during curfew hours. The author also points outstand for.换一下 that after taking the measure不该用这个吧., in Williamsville's town square no crimes have been reported. However, close scrutiny of the argument reveals various logical problems, which render it unconvincing.
To begin with, the author fails to convince me that Williamsville's overall crime rate has declined, or that the curfew is responsible for any such decline. It is entirely possible that although the city's youth crime rate has declined, its adult crime rate has risen. If so, the proposed curfewthe propose of the curfew. in Dalton might accomplish little toward reducing its crime rate. Even if Williamsville's overall crime rate has declined in the past four months, the decline is not necessarily attributable to the curfew. Perhaps Williamsville has also establish other social programes that help young people avoid delinquency. In short, without ruling out all other possibilities that might affect Williamsville's crime rate during the last four months, the author's claim that the curfew is responsible for the drop of the city's crime rate is dubious
Moreover, the evidence involving the city square does not adequately assume that the curfew has reduceddecrease,换以下. the crime rate. The number of crime reported in the square does not necessarily reflect the number actually commited there. It is entirelyparticularly. possible that the government of Williamsville has confined media to report the crimes after the curfescurfew.. If so, then the mere fact that no crimes in the square have been reported recently would amount to scant support for the author's argument.
Even if Williamsville's curfew has beenis. effective to reduce the city's overall crime rate, the editorial's claim, based on a false analogy, that the curfew would cause a similar decline in Dalton is unwarranted. Dalton might differ from Williamsville in some.ways that would undermine the curfew's effectiveness in Dalton. Or perhaps the percentage of crimes commited by adults in Dalton is far greater than that in Williamsville. Thus, lacking evidence that conditonsprove the conditions. on the two cities are relevantly similar, the author cannot convince me on the basis of Williamsville's experience that the curfew would be effective in attaining Dalton's goals.
Finally, the author infers that the curfew would control juvenile delinquency and protect minors from becoming victims of crime is also problematic. This reference depends on the assumption that all youth crimes and crimes against youths occur during curfew hours. Yet common sence informs me that many such crimes occur during other hours.好象有点不太合理,只能说作者没有足够的证据表明发生在CURFEW时间.
To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide clear evidence that the curfew, not some other reasons, influence the youth crime rate in Williamsville. To better evaluate the argument, we would need to compare the two cities' conditions. Additionally, the author would have to provide more information about what percentage of crimes related to youth in Dalton.
感觉还不错，结尾的句子应该简洁一点,突出主题嘛,加油了.

yatoliUID: 190935

好银！多谢批改！前几天都帮老师做翻译了，痛苦……今天开始写Issue啦，再不写来不及了……

yatoliUID: 190935

这里的take the measure 我自己也觉得不妥，但是有不知道该如何表达，大虾们多多指教啊
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The author also stands for that after taking the measure不该用这个吧