老师能不能帮我看一看这篇作文，这是我的第一篇，希望能帮我指点一下，谢谢！

zoesmileUID: 198494

167. "It is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time. Complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician."

正文：As we all know , when one said you are as honest as a politician, his real mean is that you are one person often lie! Why the politician give the person that impression? I think this has an internal reason an effective political leader cannot do a complete honest person.

First, this is an era in which high development of technology leading to the complication of this society. In this circumstances, the political field  which from the ancient time is a rather complicated world, is a place in which one cannot judge right or not simply. Sometimes to potect one side interest, the politician has to lie to others. The case in point is the war. The Iraq war indeed bring in the disaster to the Iraq comment people, which is undoubtedly that any war would bring in the destruction and populace are victims whether it is righteous or not, but the politician is impossible to tell  the truths about how miserable the local persons are, they lead the people' attention to the Hadam's arbitrary. Whatever the real purpose of the war is , the political  will claim to  the public that they fight for justice.

Second, politics, as a abstruse subjection, which  no everyone can understand, need to keep sercet  to someone sometimes. Most of comment persons just his own daily life, and we cannot imagine that all the people can deal with a crisis with a insightful view .But the politician  have to  ensure the majority or entire nation and then they would have to hide the truth of the event to avoid to cause the unnecessary trouble because of the misunderstand. For example, when a country confronts the economical crisis, the political leader first keep secret to the people when they think can control the situation to avoid the disorder of the citizens and then the suitcase may really be out of control.

However, denying complete honesty does not mean encouraging the political leader to lie to the public. Admittedly, this kind of action of the politician brings out many of problems such as the lack of trust of the people and abuse of power. In Chinese government, tribute has become the most persistent problem.

To sum up, absolute honesty does not exist in any field, but to keep the democracy, we should utilize the media force to supervise the political leaders to ensure the public the right.

clairvoyantUID: 15856

思维不够严谨， 太多地方回被人refute, 比如：1  I think this has an internal reason an effective political leader cannot do a complete honest ， 什么是这个an internal reason 呢？你最后并没有讲出来，而且实际上你讲了两个原因，而不是一个。 2   你的第一个论点：First, this is an era in which high development of technology leading to the complication of this society. In this circumstances, the political field which from the ancient time is a rather complicated world, is a place in which one cannot judge right or not simply.  但你后来并没有把technology 和complication of this society 二者的关系将出来，而且你实际上讲的是war 而不是technology, 前后不相互support.   3   你的第二个论点：Second, politics, as a abstruse subjection, which no everyone can understand, need to keep sercet to someone sometimes.还讲的不错，但是这个主题句有点没说清楚，主语应该是politicians, 而不是politics，后面也有点绞。4  第三个论点没有展开。而且In Chinese government, tribute has become the most persistent problem. 光摆事实不论证，给人感觉garbled

zoesmileUID: 198494

谢谢啊,没想到这么快就有人回我了,感动中,以后一定常来,多抛抛砖,也希望各位不要吝啬,用力把我砸出个人样来
真是一篇垃圾作啊,我写的时候就是思路混乱啊,老会把两个论点绞到一起去

imjasonUID: 176604

这里没有老师了，都是XDJM，老师太尊称了点，呵呵！
不过要注意一下发帖格式，看下这里的连接：
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=208286