issue10

coweiliangUID: 195905

（刚才忘了写完标题就点了发表啊，同提写作8。 例行：谢谢帮我看的，我也一定48小时内回改！ :) ）

题目：
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

正文：
城市不是保留传统的最好选择,政府不应该投资在城市的传统保护上：
b1:城市易变，观念等不断更新，传统观念很难保留
b2:城市发展的需要与旧建筑的矛盾：用地紧张
b3:这些资金完全可以投入在更为需要的地方，城市可以以商业运行的办法筹措资金。

Throughout our history, many major changes occurred in cities, such as the Renaissance and Industrial Revolution. From then on, especially after the arrival of Information age, the cities have been changing greatly and often regarded as the reflection of the development of a country. Now there are thousands and hundreds of us living in the cities, and much more are flocking into the cities every day. With such a big population, migration and other inherent features of cities, traditions have been gradually changed, reflecting in customs, the public concepts and behaviors. Therefore, I do not agree with the statement that a nation's cultural traditions are primarily preserved in cities, and the government should ensure their financial support for the major cities to thrive.

Firstly, cities involve all likelihood of changing, which makes it difficult to remain the traditionally cultural characteristics. With different kinds of people gathering here, there are much more opportunities to communicate. Thus, citizens are more likely to accept and assimilate dissimilar culture, opinions and expressions. In this process, people keep modifying their attitudes and concepts. We can see transient fashions that go in and out of date very quickly. As to highly globalized modern cities, like New York, Peking and Guangzhou, despite that we can tell some distinctive characteristics among them, the features are not identical to those in history.        

Another difficulty lies in the demand of land to expand the modern buildings. Sometimes, although keeping in mind that these old places are important hallmarks to remind people of the traditional culture, we will be in inescapable conflicts to make a decision whether it is worthy for a new building to replace an old one. The most evident example is the dilemma that the government of Peking is now confronted with. The former railway system needs to be extended in view of the ever-increasing population and the burden on traffic problems. It happens that a lot of Hutong situated right in the hinge of the new traffic system. It has been in a long-time controversial debate whether the Hutong should be push over for the precious land. Finally, it ends in a compromise that the channel diverts a little to save part of those Hutong. It is not an isolated phenomenon. Almost each time when you read the newspaper or a magazine, you can find these issues in different cities--when a rebuilding program or an establishment of a modern architecture, when the demands of further development raise, the argument on the use of land emerge. Even though compromise is finally made, they just reduce the inevitable destruction to the old buildings.

Even if we should make every effort to preserve the culture, is it necessary to rely on the financial support distributed by the government? Consider how many more imminent social problems the government need to tackle, and most of us will turn to a negative conclusion. Compare to the attention the cities received, the rural areas are less fortunate. They need financial support for fundamental establishment, reform in agriculture and popularization of modern science. Meanwhile, these are places more appropriately to choose to preserve the traditions. People cling to the traditional ceremonies and festivals. For instance, people in rural areas still hold the traditional activities in the ceremonies on the spring festival which has been neglected by the citizens because of the pace of modern life. In fact, cities, with much commercial opportunities and sufficient travelers, can also gain profits from preserving those historical places--be it a memorial, a museum or a distinctive restaurant.

With every citizen rush to catch up with fashions and clamor to fight against all kinds of pressure--harsh employment, complex relations and burden from the family-- it is less likely that people can spare their energy and time to retrospect and appreciate the traditions. Also, the reason involves the inherent nature of cities to change, assimilate and demand for improvement of their living standards. In conclusion, it is not a wise decision to allocate so much financial support for the cultural preservation in cities, which could contribute to tackle other social problems.

imjasonUID: 176604

这么长！！！
先占坐了啊
亮MM

imjasonUID: 176604

题目：
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

正文：
城市不是保留传统的最好选择,政府不应该投资在城市的传统保护上：
b1:城市易变，观念等不断更新，传统观念很难保留
b2:城市发展的需要与旧建筑的矛盾：用地紧张
b3:这些资金完全可以投入在更为需要的地方，城市可以以商业运行的办法筹措资金。
提纲上有点问题。首先题目说政府只是要保证，但是没有说一定是政府出钱；其次不明白为什么旧建筑要单列一段来论述，毕竟那只是一跟方面啊；好象没有涉及到题目的后半部分，文化传统保存在哪呢？所以，从提纲来说有点离题了，看你下面怎么论述
Throughout our history, many major changes occurred in cities, such as the Renaissance and Industrial Revolution. From then on, especially after the arrival of Information age,那你前面的那个then 是指的什么时候呢？ the cities have been changing greatly and often regarded as the reflection of the development？or achievement of a country. Now there are thousands and hundreds of us living in the cities, and much more are flocking into the cities every day. With such a big population, migration and other inherent features of cities, traditions have been gradually changed模糊了, reflecting in customs, the public concepts and behaviors. Therefore, I do not agree with the statement that a nation's cultural traditions are primarily preserved in cities, and the government should ensure their financial support for the major cities to thrive.你以前还说我开头烦琐，你现在也陷进来了啊。注意

Firstly, cities involve all likelihood of changing, which makes it difficult to remain the traditionally cultural characteristics. With different kinds of people gathering here, there are much more opportunities to communicate. Thus, citizens are more likely to accept and assimilate dissimilar cultures, opinions and expressions. In this process, people keep modifying their attitudes and concepts. We can see transient fashions that go in and out of date very quickly. As to highly globalized modern cities, like New York, Peking就用Beijing了 and Guangzhou, despite that we can tell some distinctive characteristics among them, the features are not identical to those in history. 这段是在说什么意思啊。感觉和城市以及传统文化的关系不是很近

Another difficulty lies in the demand of land to expand the modern buildings. Sometimes, although keeping in mind that these old places are important hallmarks to remind people of the traditional culture, we will be in inescapable conflicts to make a decision whether it is worthy for a new building to replace an old one. The most evident example is the dilemma that the government of Peking is now confronted是用被动的么 with. The former railway system needs to be extended in view of the ever-increasing population and the burden on traffic problems. It happens that a lot of Hutong situated right in the hinge of the new traffic system. It has been in a long-time controversial debate whether the Hutong should be push over for the precious land. Finally, it ends in a compromise that the channel diverts a little to save part of those Hutong.建议点明一下胡同对于传统文化的作用 It is not an isolated phenomenon. Almost each time when you read the newspaper or a magazine, you can find these issues in different cities--when a rebuilding program or an establishment of a modern architecture, when the demands of further development raise, the argument on the use of land emerge. Even though compromise is finally made, they just reduce the inevitable destruction to the old buildings. 问题同上，感觉和城市与传统文化的关系阐述得还是不很明确的。胡同的例子很不错，但是可惜没有说清楚胡同的作用；而且这段的提纲感觉优点片面化。其实你可以先说影响了很多方面，然后再着重谈建筑，这样衔接就好些了

Even if we should make every effort to preserve the culture, is it necessary to rely on the financial support distributed by the government?这里同提纲 Consider how many more imminent social problems the government need to tackle, and most of us will turn to a negative conclusion. Compare to the attention the cities received, the rural areas are less fortunate. They need financial support for fundamental establishment, reform in agriculture and popularization of modern science. Meanwhile, these are places more appropriately to choose to preserve the traditions. People cling to the traditional ceremonies and festivals. For instance, people in rural areas still hold the traditional activities in the ceremonies on the spring festival which has been neglected by the citizens because of the pace of modern life. In fact, cities, with much commercial opportunities and sufficient travelers, can also gain profits from preserving those historical places--be it a memorial, a museum or a distinctive restaurant.

With every citizen rush to catch up with fashions and clamor to fight against all kinds of pressure--harsh employment, complex relations and burden from the family-- it is less likely that people can spare their energy and time to retrospect and appreciate the traditions. Also, the reason involves the inherent nature of cities to change, assimilate and demand for improvement of their living standards. In conclusion, it is not a wise decision to allocate so much financial support for the cultural preservation in cities, which could contribute to tackle other social problems.
注意审题了。还有别花那么多时间了。一点拙见。

coweiliangUID: 195905

还有别花那么多时间了

恩，接受建议，不过我真的一写起来就控制不了了，要不就觉得没写清楚。这次又是用了75分钟 :(
confronted with 是该用被动啊

枫丹UID: 166492

题目：
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

正文：
城市不是保留传统的最好选择,政府不应该投资在城市的传统保护上：
b1:城市易变，观念等不断更新，传统观念很难保留
b2:城市发展的需要与旧建筑的矛盾：用地紧张
b3:这些资金完全可以投入在更为需要的地方，城市可以以商业运行的办法筹措资金。

Throughout our history, many major changes occurred in cities, such as the Renaissance and Industrial Revolution. From then on, especially after the arrival of Information age,前面的长句陈述似乎没有什么用啊 the cities have been changing greatly and often regarded as the reflection of the development of a country. Now there are thousands and hundreds of us 有很多个我们？？living in the cities, and much more are flocking into the cities every day. With such a big population, migration and other inherent features of cities, traditions have been gradually changed, reflecting in customs, the public concepts and behaviors. 上面这句很不清楚的说Therefore, I do not agree with the statement that a nation's cultural traditions are primarily preserved in cities, and the government should ensure their financial support for the major cities to thrive.我认为你的开头不好，没有一个明确的观点，你只是说不同意，没有暗示你的文章的思路和你自己的ts

Firstly, cities involve all likelihood of changing, which makes it difficult to remain the traditionally cultural characteristics. With different kinds of people gathering here, there are much more opportunities to communicate. Thus, citizens are more likely to accept and assimilate dissimilar cultures, opinions and expressions. In this process, people keep modifying their attitudes and concepts. We can see transient fashions that go in and out of date very quickly不错，学习！. As to highly globalized modern cities, like New York, Peking and Guangzhou, despite that we can tell some distinctive characteristics among them, the features are not identical to those in history.

Another difficulty lies in the demand of land to expand the modern buildings. 你把传统文化狭义的理解为建筑吗？这似乎也是城市发展的一部分Sometimes, although keeping in mind that these old places are important hallmarks to remind people of the traditional culture, we will be in inescapable conflicts to make a decision whether it is worthy for a new building to replace an old one. The most evident example is the dilemma that the government of Peking is now confronted with. The former railway system needs to be extended in view of the ever-increasing population and the burden on traffic problems. It happens that a lot of Hutong situated right in the hinge of the new traffic system. It has been in a long-time controversial debate whether the Hutong should be push over for the precious land. Finally, it ends in a compromise that the channel diverts a little to save part of those Hutong. It is not an isolated phenomenon. Almost each time when you read the newspaper or a magazine, you can find these issues in different cities--when a rebuilding program or an establishment of a modern architecture, when the demands of further development raise, the argument on the use of land emerge. Even though compromise is finally made, they just reduce the inevitable destruction to the old buildings. 其实你这段的思路还是很清楚的，例子也不错。但是句型缺乏变化

Even if we should make every effort to preserve the culture, is it necessary to rely on the financial support distributed by the government? Consider how many more imminent social problems the government need to tackle, and most of us will turn to a negative conclusion. Compare to the attention the cities received, the rural areas are less fortunate. They need financial support for fundamental establishment, reform in agriculture and popularization of modern science. Meanwhile, these are places more appropriately to choose to preserve the traditions. People cling to the traditional ceremonies and festivals. For instance, people in rural areas still hold the traditional activities in the ceremonies on the spring festival which has been neglected by the citizens because of the pace of modern life. In fact, cities, with much commercial opportunities and sufficient travelers, can also gain profits from preserving those historical places--be it a memorial, a museum or a distinctive restaurant.这一段似乎前后有两个中心， 一个说乡村需要发展，另一个说文化大在农村，不清楚的说

With every citizen rushrushing to catch up with fashions and clamor to fight against all kinds of pressure--harsh employment, complex relations and burden from the family-- it is less likely that people can spare their energy and time to retrospect and appreciate the traditions. Also, the reason involves the inherent nature of cities to change, assimilate and demand for improvement of their living standards. In conclusion, it is not a wise decision to allocate so much financial support for the cultural preservation in cities, which could contribute to tackle other social problems.
总体来说不错，思路是清晰的，感觉你的用词比我要好。

coweiliangUID: 195905

谢谢枫丹！

Another difficulty lies in the demand of land to expand the modern buildings. 你把传统文化狭义的理解为建筑吗？这似乎也是城市发展的一部分

嗯我准备这样改一下：传统建筑也是culture and tradition 的重要反映，但是城市的发展对土地的紧缺与这些建筑用地产生矛盾了；这样如何，好像顺畅些吧？

Now there are thousands and hundreds of us 有很多个我们？？living in the cities, and much more are flocking into the cities every day.

呵呵是参考<< We Americans Don't like our cities >>的 :p  开头的确太繁琐了！得好好改一下 :mad:

nora0020UID: 104886

issue10
（刚才忘了写完标题就点了发表啊，同提写作8。 例行：谢谢帮我看的，我也一定48小时内回改！  ）

题目：
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

正文：
城市不是保留传统的最好选择,政府不应该投资在城市的传统保护上：
b1:城市易变，观念等不断更新，传统观念很难保留
b2:城市发展的需要与旧建筑的矛盾：用地紧张
b3:这些资金完全可以投入在更为需要的地方，城市可以以商业运行的办法筹措资金。

Throughout our history, many major changes occurred in cities, such as the Renaissance and Industrial Revolution. From then on, especially after the arrival of Information age【可以这么说的么？】, the cities have been changing greatly and often regarded as the reflection of the development of a country. Now there are thousands and hundreds of us living in the cities, and much more are flocking【migrating or moving】 into the cities every day. With such a big population, migration and other inherent features of cities, traditions have been gradually changed, reflecting in【from】 customs, the public concepts and behaviors. Therefore, I do not agree with the statement that a nation's cultural traditions are primarily preserved in cities, and the government should ensure their financial support for the major cities to thrive.【开头段好长啊，缩一下，结构还不错】

Firstly, cities involve all likelihood of changing, which makes it difficult to remain the traditionally cultural characteristics. With different kinds of people gathering here, there are much more opportunities to communicate. Thus, citizens are more likely to accept and assimilate dissimilar culture, opinions and expressions. In this process, people keep modifying their attitudes and concepts. We can see transient fashions that go in and out of date very quickly【fashion不等于traditions】. As to highly globalized【globalize】 modern cities, like New York, Peking and Guangzhou, despite that we can tell some distinctive characteristics among them, the features are not identical to those in history. 【最后没有扣题】

Another difficulty lies in the demand of land to expand the modern buildings. Sometimes, although keeping in mind that these old places are important hallmarks to remind people of the traditional culture, we will be in inescapable conflicts to make a decision whether it is worthy for a new building to replace an old one. The most evident example is the dilemma that the government of Peking is now confronted with. The former railway system needs to be extended in view of the ever-increasing population and the burden on traffic problems. It happens that a lot of Hutong situated right in the hinge of the new traffic system. It has been in a long-time controversial debate whether the Hutong should be push over for the precious land. Finally, it ends in a compromise that the channel diverts a little to save part of those Hutong. It is not an isolated phenomenon. Almost each time when you read the newspaper or a magazine, you can find these issues in different cities--when a rebuilding program or an establishment of a modern architecture, when the demands of further development raise, the argument on the use of land emerge.【现在就结束，没说完的样子】 Even though compromise is finally made, they just reduce the inevitable destruction to the old buildings. 【例子的叙述有点罗嗦，用了很多笔墨】

Even if we should make every effort to preserve the culture, is it necessary to rely on the financial support distributed by the government? Consider how many more imminent social problems the government need to tackle, and most of us will turn to a negative conclusion. Compare to the attention the cities received, the rural areas are less fortunate. They need financial support for fundamental establishment, reform in agriculture and popularization of modern science. Meanwhile, these are places more appropriately to choose to preserve the traditions. People cling to the traditional ceremonies and festivals【这句什么作用】. For instance, people in rural areas still hold the traditional activities in the ceremonies on the spring festival which has been neglected by the citizens because of the pace of modern life. In fact, cities, with much commercial opportunities and sufficient travelers, can also gain profits from preserving those historical places--be it a memorial, a museum or a distinctive restaurant.【很清晰】

With every citizen rush to catch up with fashions and clamor to fight against all kinds of pressure--harsh employment, complex relations and burden from the family-- it is less likely that people can spare their energy and time to retrospect and appreciate the traditions. 【说服力不大，而且感觉前面谈到的也不是很多】Also, the reason involves the inherent nature of cities to change, assimilate and demand for improvement of their living standards. In conclusion, it is not a wise decision to allocate so much financial support for the cultural preservation in cities, which could contribute to tackle other social problems.
不错的文章，思路还是比较清楚的，语言也不错，继续努力