Issue7 同主题,也是我的第1篇Iss

athiferUID: 199136

Issue7  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
In this era of rapid technological changing our society, high-tech equipments such as microcomputer, cellular phone and video camera are used more and more in people's daily life. While the video camera plays a more and more important role in documentation with its high accuracy and quality of records, it is far from taking the place of written records in contemporary life. The video camera is just a supplementary equipment instead of replacement of written records which have already served us human for thousands of years.

It is clear that video camera has its advantage over written records in some fields. The accurate record provided by video camera is preferred by many people who do care about the accuracy of the record, and vivid photo graphics are especially favored by today's younger generation who has a mind of modern and fashionable life style. In recording a recent family party of my own, I used video camera, and vivid pictures of smile and happiness of every family member shall bring joy and nice memory sometime later. In addition, news agents tend to use the video camera to record because it is more convenient and prompt. While all these advantages of accuracy, lifelikeness and convenience are provided by the video camera, written records could still have its dominancy in documentation recording.

Written records cannot be replaced by video camera records, because video ones are only useful when the contents of records are facts or evidence. When dealing with thoughts and ideas, which are very important records of every specific era, written words display its true value in documentation while high-tech video camera still could hardly do anything in recording them. Written records have been used for thousands of years, they give us the idea of not only what our precedents did, how they lived, but also the great thoughts of once lived remarkable men and women. And still we shall use words in passing great thoughts and knowledge to our offspring and theirs. Without written records, they would neither have a knowledge of our thoughts nor have a mind of the very spirit of our culture, for written words is the way we used to record, and we shall use it on.

Further more, that written records are non-replaceable is also because they have several other advantages comparing with video camera records. First of all, one can use words to express their ideas in documentation without the restraint of time and space. And one also can put his or her own values and ideas in records, which would be known by others who read them. What's more, written records can also be better filled with characteristics of current time and culture, because they are not so easily and clearly expressed by pictures or speaking languages. High quality written records, if not better than video ones in accuracy, still can express their contents clearly and accurately. Therefore the dominancy of written records just cannot be replaced.

While written records are still in the main stream of documentation, records provided by video camera become more and more popular in our nowadays high-tech world. Written words together with the accurate, vivid and convenient video records serve as a supplementary, records of our time shall provide more information, joy and memories.

nora0020UID: 104886

先来占个位，加油啊

bleiUID: 177320

Issue7 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
In this era of rapid technological changing our society这个好像有点不对劲, high-tech equipments such as microcomputer, cellular phone and video camera are used more and more in people's daily life. While the video camera plays a more and more important role in documentation with its high accuracy and quality of records, it is far from taking the place of written records in contemporary life. The video camera is just a supplementary equipment instead of replacement of written records which have already served us human for thousands of years.

It is clear that video camera has its advantage over written records in some fields. The accurate record provided by video camera is preferred by many people who do care about the accuracy of the record, and vivid photo graphics are especially favored by today's younger generation who has a mind of modern and fashionable life style. In recording a recent family party of my own, I used video camera, and vivid pictures of smile and happiness of every family member shall bring joy and nice memory sometime later.(其实例子方面最好不要用自己的经验,可以把这个换为别人的例子,改个称谓而已) In addition, news agents tend to use the video camera to record because it is more convenient and prompt. While all these advantages of accuracy, lifelikeness and convenience are provided by the video camera, written records could still have its dominancy in documentation recording.

Written records cannot be replaced by video camera records, because video ones are only useful when the contents of records are facts or evidence. When dealing with thoughts and ideas, which are very important records of every specific era, written words display its true value in documentation while high-tech video camera still could hardly do anything in recording them. Written records have been used for thousands of years, they give us the idea of not only what our precedents did, how they lived, but also the great thoughts of once lived remarkable men and women. And still we shall use words in passing great thoughts and knowledge to our offspring and theirs. Without written records, they would neither have a knowledge of our thoughts nor have a mind of the very spirit of our culture, for written words is the way we used to record, and we shall use it on.

Further more, that written records are non-replaceable is also because they have several other advantages comparingcompared with video camera records. First of all, one can use words to express their ideas in documentation without the restraint of time and space. And one also can put his or her own values and ideas in records, which would be known by others who read them. What's more, written records can also be better filled with characteristics of current time and culture, because they are not so easily and clearly expressed by pictures or speaking可以不要 languages. High quality written records, if not better than video ones in accuracy, still can can stillexpress their contents clearly and accurately. Therefore the dominancy of written records just cannot be replaced.

While written records are still in the main stream of documentation, records provided by video camera become more and more popular in our nowadays high-tech world. Written words together with the accurate, vivid and convenient video records serve as a supplementary, records of our time shall provide more information, joy and memories.
总的来说楼主好象偏重了replace 这个词,其实more important 不一定就是要replace, 不过对比都出来了,我也是才开始真正写,一起加油吧,以后多多互拍!
楼主一起加油吧,偶是20号,武汉的!

nora0020UID: 104886

Issue7 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
In this era of rapid technological changing our【去掉】 society, high-tech equipments such as microcomputer, cellular phone and video camera are used more and more in people's daily life. While the video camera plays a more and more【重复了，可以换一个词 extraordinary 什么的】 important role in documentation with its high accuracy and quality of records, it is far from taking the place of written records in contemporary life. The video camera is just a supplementary equipment【不可数】 instead of replacement of 【两个词组重复去掉一个】written records which have already served us human【去掉】 for thousands of years.【有很多重复可以再简洁点】

【最好加个信号词】It is clear that video camera has its advantage over written records in some fields. The accurate record provided by video camera is preferred by many people who do care about the accuracy of the record【又重复，换个说法啊】, and vivid photo graphics are especially favored by today's younger generation who has a mind of modern and fashionable life style. In recording a recent family party of my own【这句开头很别扭，是倒装吧】, I used video camera, and vivid pictures of smile and happiness of every family member shall bring joy and nice memory sometime later.【这个例子不是很有说服力，不客观】 In addition, news agents tend to use the video camera to record because it is more convenient and prompt.【应该再进一步展开】 While all these advantages of accuracy, lifelikeness and convenience are provided by the video camera, written records could still have its dominancy in documentation recording.【除了语言有些单调之外思路还是比较清晰的】

【还是一样缺少信号词】Written records cannot be replaced by video camera records, because video ones are only useful when the contents of records are facts or evidence. When dealing with thoughts and ideas, which are very important records of 【for or in】every specific era, written words display its true value in documentation while high-tech video camera still could hardly do anything in recording them. Written records have been used for thousands of years, they give us the idea of 【of去掉】not only what our precedents did, how they lived, but also the great thoughts of once lived remarkable men and women. And still we shall use words in passing great thoughts and knowledge to our offspring and theirs【看不懂你这句话的意思】. Without written records, they would neither have a knowledge of our thoughts nor have a mind of the very spirit of our culture, for written words is the way we used to record, and we shall use it on.【continued】【展开的还不错】

Further more, that written records are non-replaceable is also because they have several other advantages comparing with video camera records【这种写法类似A，不过用在I上就不会那么有效果】. First of all, one can use words to express their ideas in documentation without the restraint of time and space. And one also can put his or her own values and ideas in records, which would be known by others who read them. What's more, written records can also be better filled with characteristics of current time and culture, because they are not so easily and clearly expressed by pictures or speaking languages. High quality written records, if not better than video ones in accuracy, still can express their contents clearly and accurately. Therefore the dominancy of written records just cannot be replaced.【很混乱，不知道在说什么到底支持哪一个】

While written records are still in the main stream of documentation, records provided by video camera become more and more popular in our nowadays high-tech 【advanced】world. Written words together with the accurate, vivid and convenient video records serve【用个重句更地道】 as a supplementary, records of our time shall provide more information, joy and memories.
总的来说还不错，有潜力，语言上还要加强，思路应该更清楚一点

athiferUID: 199136

1.首段中的重复问题.觉得除了more and more之外,另两点是instead of replacement of 和served us human是必要的.

2.B2中的觉得信号词是多余的,因为B1末尾已有转折;G友nora0020指出的两个介词的问题,是否可以给一个实例.

3.B3旨在指出W.R比起V.C的其他优点,三个并列接一个小让步,自己觉得没有出现逻辑混乱的问题.

再次感谢二位相砸//bow