Issue244 第9篇－我就是不相信没人肯拍我！

hayden001UID: 195385

No. 244. "Most societies do not take their greatest thinkers seriously, even when they claim to admire them."

There remains much controversy on a lot of notions, among which one is that, most societies do not take their greatest thinkers seriously, even when they claim to admire them. Different people have got different points due to their respective angles. On one hand, some assert its certainty; on the other hand, others keep skeptical. In my opinion, I strongly countenance the former view, for it could be substantiated by my following arguments.

To begin with, society is under the government of politicians, who concern most about stabilizing their control and will probably take any action to deal with their opponents. The thoughts of the thinkers, unfortunately, may disobey the will of the governors and this will certainly result in the oblivion or even persecution. Take Bruno for example. His insistence on Copernicus' theory of central status of the sun obviously fought against the traditional creed of society. To maintain the reign, to eliminate the heterodoxy, to vindicate their own benefits, the administrators treated him cruelly and finally even burn him to death on the flower plaza. A great deal of Bruno's precursors and followers were also persecuted severely. And, in the long river of human history, facts like this are too many to be enumerated. This situation could be easily deduced, for can it be possible for a society to endorse those so-called heretics?

Second, even society claim to admire thinkers and suppose thinkers' concepts do not jeopard the advantages of senior class. Things, however, do not seem more optimistic. Although thinkers usually propose their ideas with a kindness to improve society's state and human civilization, they may not be able to often provide instant evidence to prove their good intention. That is, the benefits of those thoughts might not be shown in time, leading doubt of people toward them. Some more disappointed circumstances are that many thoughts could not even convince people their utilities. Thus, society surely neglects them. For society's goal is to meliorate the social conditions as quickly and conspicuously as possible, they do not have enough time to pay attention to every idea of "possible potential behoove".

The consequences of those omissions in deed have great disadvantages. How can a society keep making progress without absorb the marrow the remarkable thinkers' thoughts? We can lightly imagine the grievous consequences brought about by this condition. Then, what should be done to change this have-no-alternative situation? I think society ought to keep attention on mainstream pensee while its most important thing is to enhance both material and mental civilization, without worrying about whether it could bring about fast and momentous good nowadays. Only through this could society holds the most advisable ideas and progress more smoothly.

In conclusion, taking into account all the above reasons, I safely draw the argument that most societies often ignore their greatest thinkers even when they claim to respect them. And what is more, I am eager to see some improving measures to address this serious problem because it absolutely relates to our society's development.

sblbaslerUID: 175229

There remains much controversy on a lot of notions, among which one is[B][lies][/B]  that, most societies do not take their greatest thinkers seriously, even when they claim to admire them. [B][你爱引题呀，我还以为你要对题目的一些概念发表见解呢][/B] [U]Different people have got different points [/U] [B][有点cliche了][/B]  due to their respective angles. On one hand, some assert its certainty; on the other hand, others keep skeptical. In my opinion, I strongly countenance the former view, for it could be substantiated by my following [U]arguments[/U] .[B][别ARGUMENT， 你ARGU谁呀][/B]
[B][你的观点太绝对了吧，这样后面不是很好写呀][/B]
To begin with, society is under the government [B][你想说统治吧，但他没有这个意思，用governing还差不多][/B] of politicians, who concern most about [U]stabilizing [/U] [B][不是很准确][/B]  their control and will probably take any action to deal with their opponents. The thoughts of the thinkers, unfortunately, may disobey the will of the governors and this will certainly result in the oblivion or even persecution. Take Bruno for example. His insistence on Copernicus' theory of central status of the sun obviously fought against the traditional creed of society. To maintain the reign, to eliminate the heterodoxy, to vindicate their own benefits,[B][不错！][/B]  the administrators treated him cruelly and finally even burn him to death on the flower plaza. A great deal of Bruno's precursors and followers were also persecuted severely. And, in the long river of human history, [U]facts like this are too many to be enumerated[/U] . [B][这句话给人的感觉是没有有力的证据所导致的垂死的挣扎，很牵强，如果用argument的话就是begging the question][/B] This situation could be easily deduced, for can it be possible for a society to endorse those so-called heretics?
[B][与你强硬的观点不是很符合，证明的没有声明的那么有力，而且这段与问题不符呀，问题是说表面尊敬实质不当会事儿，而你这段是说根本从来就没当会事儿过，往下看看再说][/B]
Second, even society claim[B]s[/B]  to admire thinkers and suppose[B]s[/B]  thinkers' concepts do not jeopard[B]ize[/B]  the advantages of senior class. Things, however, do not seem more optimistic. Although thinkers usually propose their ideas with a kindness to improve society's state and human civilization, they may not be able to often provide instant evidence to prove their good intention. That is, the benefits of those thoughts might not be shown in time, leading doubt of people toward them. Some more disappointed circumstances are that many thoughts could not even convince people their utilities. [B][这块这个“用途”与前面的“好的目的”从你的论证上看似乎有点重复，而且，觉得有点罗嗦][/B] Thus, society surely neglects them. For society's goal is to meliorate the social conditions as quickly and conspicuously as possible, they do not have enough time to pay attention to every idea of "possible potential behoove".
[B]这段都是你自己在反复的论证，但不是很信服！虽然论证了题目的东西[/B]
The consequences of those [U]omissions[/U]  [B]？？？？[/B] in deed have great disadvantages. How can a society keep making progress without absorb the marrow [B]and[/B] the remarkable thinkers' thoughts? We can lightly imagine the grievous consequences brought about by this condition. Then, what should be done to change this [U]have-no-alternative situation[/U] ? [B][为什么说没有选择呢][/B] I think society ought to keep attention on mainstream pensee while its most important thing is to enhance both material and mental civilization, without worrying about whether it could bring about fast and momentous good nowadays. Only through this could society holds the most advisable ideas and progress more smoothly.
[B]这一段你提了该怎么去做，但似乎和你的TS没有关系，或者说逻辑不强！[/B]
In conclusion, taking into account all the above reasons, I safely draw the argument that most societies often ignore their greatest thinkers even when they claim to respect them. And what is more, I am eager to see some improving measures to address this serious problem because it absolutely relates to our society's development.
[B]你如果把结尾的relates to our society's development放在开头提一下你的第3个BODY就合理很多了。其实这篇文章自我感觉是很不好写的列提纲时我没有列，想看看大家怎么写的，所以今天看了你的文章。觉得这个题目所说的内容似乎是那么回事儿，但是又没有什么好的例子去完善自己的文章，你的观点太绝对，导致了给人的逻辑性不强，至少是不像你的观点那么强硬，我觉得这篇文章还是改conditioning 的来写。另外你似乎给人有刻意使用难词的感觉！
个人愚见，继续讨论！[/B]

hayden001UID: 195385

关于引题，想请教一下，在Issue和Argument写作中，如果部分引用题目“原话”，可不可以？
中间的“反复论证”，是因为难以想到合适的事例之类来论述，实力不济，惭愧，不知大家有什么高见？恳请指教。
omission我想表达的是“忽视”的意思，在这里是不是不合适？那我换一个。谢谢指出。
have no alternative我用金山词霸查的是“无可奈何”的意思，不知道会不会引起误解？
这篇题目确实想不到怎么写比较好，尤其能力有限...　希望大家多多讨论。
至于难词，作文里面不是需要多样的词替换而不是总用一个简单的词吗？所以我努力查一些词来替换，查的一般也是红宝里面出现过的，这样会太难吗？别人觉得如何呢？大家提提意见。
多谢帮忙。时间不多，要抓紧了。

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

No. 244. "Most societies do not take their greatest thinkers seriously, even when they claim to admire them."

There remains much controversy on a lot of notions, among which one is that, most societies do not take their greatest thinkers seriously, even when they claim to admire them. Different people have got different points due to their respective angles. On one hand, some assert its certainty; on the other hand, others keep skeptical. In my opinion, I strongly countenance the former view, for－这里用for有点感觉不爽，直接用which代替for it如何－it could be substantiated by my following arguments.其实关于重复题目到底是不是必要我想是这样得，简明扼要的重复很必要，而且一般我觉得把句子结构改一下，给人耳目一新会效果很不错。

To begin with, society is under the government－此处应该是governance吧－of politicians, who concern most about stabilizing their control and will probably take any action to deal with their opponents. The thoughts of the thinkers, unfortunately, may disobey the will of the governors and this will certainly result in the oblivion or even persecution.－可能过于绝对了吧，一个社会的great thinkers不一定都是反政府的呀，很多情况下还是政府的统治人民灵魂的利器呢－ Take Bruno for example. His insistence on Copernicus' theory of central status of the sun obviously fought against the traditional creed of society. To maintain the reign, to eliminate the heterodoxy, to vindicate their own benefits, the administrators这里还是用govrenor还吧，administrator是管理员的意思更偏重点的 treated him cruelly and finally even burn him to death on the flower plaza. A great deal of Bruno's precursors and followers were also persecuted severely. And, in the long river of human history, facts like this are too many to be enumerated. This situation could be easily deduced, for你似乎很喜欢用for。。。但是你的高中老师有没有教过你for表示原因的时候后面应该不是用来接句子的吧。。。而且这样接一个问句也不合适吧。。。 can it be possible for a society to endorse those so-called heretics?

Second, even society claim to admire thinkers and suppose thinkers' concepts do not jeopard the advantages of senior class. Things, however, do not seem more我觉得本来就不乐观更谈不上more了，改成so吧。。 optimistic. Although thinkers usually propose their ideas with a kindness to improve society's state and human civilization, they may not be able to often provide instant evidence to prove their good intention. That is, the benefits of those thoughts might not be shown in time, leading doubt of people toward them. Some more disappointed circumstances are that many thoughts could not even convince people their utilities. Thus, society surely neglects them. For。。because。。。 society's goal is to meliorate the social conditions as quickly and conspicuously as possible, they do not have enough time to pay attention to every idea of "possible potential behoove".这段主要是说thinkers没有自身很好的连贯性，只是在于提出意见来改善社会状况，而不能长期坚持去实现他们的想法，但是我觉得这个也是很困难的，当今社会，人大代表会开会干了什么天知道，政府解决的事情都是n年前的老问题，所以我觉得这个不能完全归到thinkers身上来说，毕竟个人的力量不是很足够，thinkers也是普通人。

The consequences of those omissions in deed have great disadvantages. How can a society keep making progress without absorb the marrow the remarkable thinkers' thoughts? We can lightly。。用easily。。好吧。。 imagine the grievous consequences brought about by this condition. Then, what should be done to change this have-no-alternative这个是你造的生词吧，我觉得不好。。。改成none－alternative怎么样，我也不清除。。sigh。。。 situation? I think society ought to keep attention on mainstream pensee while its most important thing。。此处想表达责任的意思怎么用thing呢？太随意了。。。 is to enhance both material and mental civilization, without worrying about whether it could bring about fast and momentous good nowadays. Only through this could society holds the most advisable ideas and progress more smoothly.

In conclusion, taking into account all the above reasons, I safely draw the argument that most societies often ignore their greatest thinkers even when they claim to respect them. And what is more, I am eager to see some improving。。improved。。 measures to address this serious problem because it absolutely relates to our society's development.
感觉语言上中文化比较严重，呵呵

fatflyUID: 190227

2楼评价很好，第二段完全离题了，词汇也用的太难了。

sblbaslerUID: 175229

呵呵，还有人表扬我！难词的问题，其实不是让你用难的词而是不让你用过于简单的词，比如满篇都是good, think, is , 如此这般，但也不是说用不长用的，比如你如果你用“ bestow"表示 “给”而不用give, 人家会觉得你是在写诗而非议论文；再比如如果你想表达某人追求某人你用court rather than go in for 老外可能会觉得你和他不是生活在一个世纪！基本上就是这个意思！其实我又不是很牛，只是能找出一些我觉得别扭的地方，即可能是你写的不好，也可能是我理解能力有问题，所以还是那句话，个人愚见！

hayden001UID: 195385

多谢各位的指教。
我本意，第2段写很多时候社会不尊重甚至迫害思想家，第3段作一个让步，即使社会声称尊重，实际上也往往做不到。这样的话，第2段确实是离题了？
4楼对我的第3段的理解有点偏离罢：“没有自身很好的连贯性，只是在于提出意见来改善社会状况，而不能长期坚持去实现他们的想法”。我的意思是思想家的观点对社会有益，但他们没办法在短期内让社会明白他们的意见是有作用的，（所以社会一时难以理解）而不是说他们不坚持自己的想法。是我表达得不够清楚罢。sigh...
说到用词，我是想多作变换的，比如give,我会先用give,但第2次再表示同样意思时，我就会用bestow，因为我实际上并不了解bestow是用在怎样的文体中比较合适，我只是背过红宝，知道这个词有这个意思，然后give已经用过一次，就会想做个替换。归根结底是我对词汇的理解深度太不够了，呵呵。惭愧...
多谢大家指正。。。眼看就要考了，没底，，，