Argument147 修改三版比较（实战版在11楼）请指教

kgin23UID: 2183064

楼主的风格我很欣赏!

其实很早就开始准备作文了,看了官方以后就想不想要再模仿北美范文了,不是为了其他什么就是不喜欢在框框里做事,不管是不是必须的,反正那样我就不舒服. 也有总结自己作文这些,不过可能是方法不太对盘的问题,一直就没有什么突破,每次写一篇文章都要写好久哦,虽然我是一直有限时,不过基本都是规定时间写了个大概,或者什么都没写好,然后再自己不停的返工

最早的时候是模仿北美,用很多的套话在里面,后来开始仿官方,就不知道怎么写了,一限时就脑子里就一片空白,着急得题都读不懂了...要不然就是找不出逻辑错误了......现在好些了,不过文法语法词法错误不断,而且限时还是不行,只写得到三百多....我现在在考虑模板的问题,自己总结了一个,不过到写的时候就全忘了...汗..

Question,我现在开始还有15天考试,总结的话还来得及吗?还是应该不停的写啊?楼主是怎么总结得这么好的,有什么方法吗?

bellaUID: 2113519

呵呵,我不是楼主,不过我也想说这个问题,我还有十七天考试.呵呵,我也是很喜欢楼主的作法,就是我觉得好好地修改一篇,好过很急的写三篇.呵呵.

但是练多一点也是必要的,我要再写一写了.

khwUID: 162559

非常同意楼主的思路，复习方法也跟我一样，我也是先看文章，最后十天再开始写。
楼主对北美和官方的感觉和思路也深得我心啊，让我对自己的判断多了几分信心。
楼主的这篇文章，个人以为应该可以拿六分的了，练练实战的时候发挥一下应该也是六分水平吧。
我是学电子的，英语也丢下些年，不知道还剩多少，不揣冒昧给楼主的文章提点建议。

In this editorial, the author cites a survey to demonstrate that that （看见两个THAT总觉得不顺，能省去一个吗） the sales of Whirlwind video-game are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months, because of the advertising campaign of its new games. However, I find several flaws in the line of reasoning and evidence given in the editorial.

The major problem with this argument is that the author falsely concludes that in the next few months, the market of video-game featuring lifelike graphics will flourish, according to a suspicious survey. （ACCORDING后面部分能否放在THE MARKET 前）Firstly, in evaluating the reliability of the survey, one must consider whether the survey’s sample(the sample of the survey) is sufficient in size and representativeness(representative to)the overall population of video-game players. If the survey was limited to a few customers of a certain video-game dealer, or to some students of a local high school, or to several visitors of a survey based on Internet, the results might just be attributable to those particular individuals.(觉得这句不完美，但不知道怎么改) One must also consider how the survey was conducted, usually people tend to respond to some specific survey, which they are interested in, with the expected answer. Hence, it is necessary to perfect the survey, before making any conclusion from it. Secondly, even the survey is statistical reliable, it can only illuminate that players prefer to purchase a video game featuring lifelike graphics rather than any other games, such as games featuring beautiful background music, or good scenarios. According to one’s own fancy, one may be absorbed in network game featuring lifelike graphics, and her or his friends may be fond of the Role Play Game featuring lifelike graphics in personal computer. Thus the survey cannot prove that video games that provide lifelike graphics will be the top（most popular） one.  

The argument’s another problem is that the author indicates that its(指代不清，the company’s) advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old will contribute to increasing sales. Actually, not only cannot the survey reflect this age-group’s inclination, but also (缺主语不能吧，不然前面要改,it) cannot preference represent the sales. It is possibly true（从意思来说我觉得very possible） that they have the highest passion to play games, but they cannot do so. Because they have to spend most of the time on academic courses and homework, they also lack of money since they cannot work full-time as students. Therefore, such an advertising campaign cannot convince me of its validity.

Before I come to my conclusion, there are some other factors, which might affect the sales, worth considering, such as the rivalry between companies, and the hardware condition required by the this（这里是笔误吧 this） kind of games. Take the latter for example. (这句短了，能否接近下一句) Considering the fact mentioned in the editorial that this kind of games require the most up-to-date computers, it is impossible for most people to own such a computer, since we all know that most up-to-date merchandises are acquirable to minority rich only. Thus, without considering that how much the limited requirement to (我觉得用FOR) hardware will impact the sales of video games, it is difficultly to assess the strength of the editorial.

In conclusion, the editorial has poor reasoning and evidence. To bolster it the author must provide full and accurate survey of video-game players, and so do the reports both of the market-analysis and the advertise-plan.（结尾单薄了点可以套几句模板）

hokuto8UID: 2188958

楼上的三位，真不好意思没有回复，这两天在闭关中，好好地修炼一下issue的内功。
明天一定详细回复~~~~

hokuto8UID: 2188958

写是必要的，但一开始写，是为了发现自己的不足，然后才能针对它想办法解决。修改的时候不仅要想我哪里写得不好，更重要的是------为什么会这样，与范文有什么差距，这个差距因该如何缩小。闷着头，只想修改一篇是不行的，一定要解决的是从中反映出的自己的问题。另外，还要回想这个过程中，自己又有哪里感到迷惑，只有先知道自己又迷惑才能针对它，寻找解决的办法。
   既然有了问题，自己就要明白一点------这个问题是因为自己的局限性造成的。然后知道自己缺什么，才能有针对性地去寻找解决办法。当然，一般是不会这么清楚自己的，所以就找些牛人们的旧帖子来看，说不定机缘巧合，在某个地方不经意地发现能解决自己疑惑的答案。

  如何找帖子，就点击他们的名字，出来个人资料后搜索帖子，按时间顺序排，从最开始看，那时他们也有写文章帖上来，也有改，多看看，一定能有所发现。

另外，这三天，我把一个关于写作的小册子认真研究了一遍，感觉很好~~~~
现在的我回头看自己修改的三版argu，觉得自己真不错，竟然在完全不懂理论的基础上，修改到这个地步，基本从直觉上就掌握了关键。这三天的认真学习后，我从实践和理论上知道自己该如何做了，可以保证以后写出的argu都是第三版的风格与水平，明天开始练限时~~~

你还有十多天，完全来得及。其实这个小册子是我在搜索老帖是从pooh前辈的帖子里发现的，她只帖了其中两章，我找到了全文。
如果你想提高，认认真真地看完1~8章，无论是issue还是argu水平都会有质的飞跃。
看的时候，有三点记牢：
  （1）它文章里说的是argument，其实指的是issue类的文章，其中第五章是针对argu的有用部分--它是以‘你写作时不可以范这些错’来写得，但事实上，所有的argu题目作者都故意犯了这些错，因此可以从另一方面可以更深刻地理解argu中的错误。其实是分为deductive和inductive两种的，所有现在人们归纳的七宗罪一类的全部可以分进去，而且分了之后就知道，什么才是主要的逻辑错误。在这里不详说了，你看了就明白。
  （2）不要被它漂亮的词句吸引，忽略词句的精巧运用，把注意力集中在它所传达的意思上。
  （3）不要对它的内容全盘接受，寻找对自己有用的---------这就要求你像我上面所说的，明白自己缺什么，有针对性地去寻找答案；看的时候要不停思考，他说的这点对我有没有用，该吸收到什么程度。

看看吧，pooh前辈甚至还翻译过的，1.2章是基本介绍，一定要看，这是对本书写作目的说明，看了才知道该怎样利用这本书。第3.4章是如何写开头段，第6.7章是如何写主体部分的TS以及如何排列最好，第8章是如何把仅有开头段和TS的文章framework充实成一篇文章以及如何写结尾段。
大概两三天就可以看完。
http://www.mala.bc.ca/~johnstoi/arguments/argument1.htm

[ 本帖最后由 hokuto8 于 2006-4-13 22:33 编辑 ]

hokuto8UID: 2188958

我回来了~~~
谢谢你的修改~~~
来讨论一下：
1）那两个that是笔误，打重复了~~~
2）我明白你的意思，according后才是该强调的，已经改过了：
The major problem of the argument is that the author takes the suspicious survey as the evidence from which he indicates that  in the next few months, the market of video-game featuring lifelike graphics will flourish.
这样错误就放到句子前面说，体现出了；
3）那个句子是范文里抄来的，因为我自己不会这样用，觉得好像很好的词组，就抄了~~
4）嘻嘻，的确是指代不清，我偷懒了~~
5）not only，but also  我是用了这个句型再加倒装，第二句中preference就是主语
6）the 打多了~~~
7）take the latter for example  我也觉得很突兀的一句，当时没想到该用什么表示-------其实现在也不知道，你有什么好的表达方式吗？

khwUID: 162559

5 是我粗心了,惭愧,不该范这样的错误
7 我又想了一下,这个表达是地道的,很难再改了.多读几遍就觉得琅琅上口了,嘿嘿
你英语水平很高啊，记得你说是生物的，生物牛人真多啊.

hokuto8UID: 2188958

学生物是自己的爱好，而且这个专业出国比较容易，找工作的话本科生的水平是找不到什么好工作的，所以学生物的基本不是出国就是考研。想继续在这个学科里混，不学好英语是行不通的。

khwUID: 162559

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