我的第三篇TWE..又加了一篇topic143。。继续拍拍。。大家狠狠的拍吧！定回拍！

yidi mercuryUID: 195299

语法错误多~~~注意~~主动被动语态
还有注意非谓语的用法~~和定语从句~~

lanccyUID: 2156906

Whether students should be given one long vacation each year or several short vacations throught the whole year,it is widely discussed in the field of educations. Some think the first one ,given one long vacation each year instead of several short vacations,is a better choice,but other not. However, in my part, I consider the vacations, divided into several parts and distributed in a whole year,would be the premier one.

Admittedly, a long vacation each year give students more time to contorl freely. First, it let students have more choices to make some longtime-lasting plan, such as a long trip throughout their countries by bike ,writing novels about students’ daily life and so on .second, students might have enough time to learn other sujects they interested in and can not get from their classes. For instance,a student majored in mathematics, could choose history or english courses which his/her favorite and learn them through the vacation. 这个举例人称混乱！ For instance, as a student majoring in mathematics, I choose history and English courses to learn during the vacation. However, a long vacation might be not easy to be controlled and planned. If students can not or do not want to choose something intructive to do or learn, the time would be wasted easily. It’s not worthy to spend a long vacation on playing computer games,reading comic books and other entertaimental activities, which need little time , only relaxations.

Therefore, several short vacations throughtout the year seems to be ra reasonable choice. Short vacations give students enough time to free from the heavy studying. Recently, some scientists pointed out that the human body can recover from tought tough work in two days, indicated short vacation was enough for students recovering. Students could get a break  when they feel tired,rather than endure a longtime-lasting study schedule, and regulate their learning conditions in time. What’s more, though short break, they could own acrquire sufficient time to review what they learn, reexamize how well they understand, and figure out problems immediately. Moreover, short vacation are more easier to plan and control than a long wacation.

In sum, I believe that several short vacations would have more advantages than a long vacation. Students would gain more benefits from that choice and improve their acdemic abilities more.


个人觉得结构不是太好。主体部分：第一段先写了long vacation 的好处，topic sentence也是这么写的，然后中间又转折说这样不好，第二段说short vacation的好处，大体看过去应该说了三个吧，但是都挤在一段里了，这样并不能突出它的好处有多大，阅卷人看了也不清楚。总之，我的意思是说可以用两三段端来写short vacation的好处，总结段一笔带过long vacation的好处，或者独立一段出来间断地说一下就行了，这样中心大意就明显了

我的还没写，明天中午贴出来，楼主有空关注一下。
下面是我以前的几篇：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=453916
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... page%3D3&page=1

lanccyUID: 2156906

这是我的第六期
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D3#pid1768514908

roric2025UID: 2134473

哈哈shendanlin 我们是同类的哈，典型的作文错误哈，语法~~~
还有正向楼上说的，结构上觉得有问题，在说了一大段后来了个大转折，这样有点危险吧，同意还是多说你的观点，对立观点一笔带过；用词和用句上有改进，就是注意小错误哦（这句话也是说给我自己的.....）
加油！