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[经典批改讨论] argument140 没模版,不罗嗦。另附问题,请指教。 [复制链接]

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发表于 2006-12-4 21:30:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
欢迎您拍,有拍必回拍(请留下文章链接)。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT140 - The following appeared in a report of the Committee on
Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has
proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes
are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among
students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research
grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in
consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research
abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to
Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that
Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

提纲:
1 教授受欢迎?
2 教授带来收入?
3 教授应该当主任?
4 稍微加深,加钱加权能管用吗?


WORDS: 381(最终修改,初始320)           TIME: 30分钟  

This report suffers from several logical flaws and the assertion that Professor Thomas should raise and promotion is not well supported by its argument.

First, the author affirmed Professor Thomas as a good teacher because of her largest classes at the university. In fact, the author made a wrong logical relationship between the scale of the classes and the popularity among students. In the condition that some of classes taught by Professor Thomas are most basic curriculum and are required to be taken by all the students, no matter whether Professor Thomas is popular by her classes or not, she can have the largest scale of the classes by all means. So we can not sure about the popularity of Professor Thomas among students only by the scale of her classes.

Second, this report did not explain the condition of the money that Professor Thomas brought to the university. We all know that Research subjects can bring money to the university, but what is the subject that Professor Thomas is now studying and is this subject can bring that much money as last two years? There is no such answer to this question in the report.

Third, even though we all agree that Professor Thomas is popular by her class and can still bring more money to the university, it may not be the right method to reword the professor by giving her the promotion and the promotion. A great professor may be disturbed by the trifles brought by the position of the chairman and may not to do researches and teaching classes as good as before. And also there is no consideration about the manager in the position of Chairman right now. If the manager in position is also a good leader and even a greater teacher than Professor Thomas, it is very unfair to change the Chairman of the department.

Further more, there is no evidence showing that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University, and we should also think about the hypothesis that if Professor Thomas are really planning to go, are we taking the right tactics to keep her stay?

Conclude all the aspects that are discussed, we can say that the author rush to the conclusion that Professor Thomas should given the raise and the promotion.

个人疑问:
argument关键是能说清问题所在,分析好逻辑错误,用词尽量不重复,段落尽量分明就可以。不知道这样想对不对?
文章基本都是简单词汇,没用太难的句型,有些点可能说得不透,时间不太够的缘故,这样能得多少分?

[ 本帖最后由 yulai111 于 2006-12-6 09:45 编辑 ]
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发表于 2006-12-5 20:33:03 |只看该作者
先回答你的提问
1.基本和你说的一样。
2.分数不好说。3.5左右吧。

字数还是少,再多些50个字吧。每个点都要说透,而且要有展开才行。

以后发习作时候请参考一下别人的格式。这样发出来别人看起不放便。

2段写得不错。

3段展开还是太少,不知道是不是时间不够。
这点应该是作者用来证明其教授的研究能力。
光钱就说明了么?以前的岁月,除了这两年,是不是比年新低,甚至很低?是不是其他的教授每年带来的钱是年新的几倍?

4段。也算不错。不过,感觉内部逻辑还是不够清晰。个人觉得这一点可以不批驳的。


5段,你的优点是要点似乎都抓到了。不过弱点就是展开似乎不对头,而且单薄。这段,是质疑那个教授是否要离开?就算真要离开?原因是什么?升职就够了么或者是恰当的?也许那个教授由于私人原因,那么这些措施是可能无效的。

字虽然少,不过言简意赅,还算不错的文章。写作能力还是好的。不过语法错误还是有的。自己要细心。优点是没有模版的痕迹。

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RE: argument140 没模版,不罗嗦。另附问题,请指教。 [修改]

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argument140 没模版,不罗嗦。另附问题,请指教。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-564442-1-1.html
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