Issue130 {长征队第二次作业} 请大家多拍 不胜感激 必定回拍

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

topic:How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately,we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
     The statement consists of two claims,(1),social future determined by how children learn socialized today.(2)we have not found a effective way to teach children being socialized.while I foundmentally with the spearker's claim in order to the reasons below.
   To begin with,children is the future of their family,the society,even the country.My opinion include two aspects.One is that from the psychology side,children are  easier to receive knowledge and behavior than audlt.For instance,if Mao zedong is not socilazied of chinese situation during his young time,how can he learned the advanced method graduly to resolute china.And in my opservation,children were less socialized would be harmful to our society.For example,a person isolated of our society,he/she may graduly been idosyncracy,paranoid only because he/she not socialized.In order to that ,he/she could do something detrimental to our society,or nations.Why I give this example? To say it clearly,if a kid not socialized,and be isolated,he may not welly understand the others,social developed trendency.So,he/she can't find a job,girlfriend or fellows inthe future.If a lot of children isolated from our society.what the result would be ?Of course,it will be detrimental to our society if lots of people without job,satisfaction and so on.From the two aspects I said above,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert that children's socialized level determines the future of our society.
   However,society is a comlex concept to us,different people may have different ideas.How can we definate better society,what is the norm is a question reamined.And under our society with drastic competition,how to let child become socialized is another problem.To attain the goals of let children be socialzied,most people and education system is to let their children learn a lot of knowledge,such as dancing,play piano,draw pictures,etc.But we don't totally understand their ways of being socialized.When Thomas Edison continue s his dream of making lights after several falls at his young age,lots of people thought he was a mad.Finally,he inveted the light,it changes our social life and future.We should learn how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is a diffucult question remain unsolved,we need futher experiment and analysis,to do that.If we can solve it eventually.Children will be the future of our society.
   In summary,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert ,but how to make a better society which raise children who can help bring society depends on the clearly and successfully definition of society to be made.If we can find the definition clearly,it will be easy for us find the ways to improve,and to build a education system instruct them and raise them help bring about a better society.

[ 本帖最后由 IloveMorgan 于 2006-12-13 21:26 编辑 ]

sfgbinUID: 2130542

topic: How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

     The statement consists of two claims,(1),social future determined by how children learn socialized (懂你的意思，不过这样估计语法不符) today.(2) we have not found a effective way to teach children being socialized. While I fundamentally with the speaker’s claim in order to the reasons below. (in order to 有这种用法？)

   To begin with, children is (are) the future of their family, the society, even the country. My opinion include (includes) two aspects. One is that from the psychology side, children are  easier to receive knowledge and behavior than adult. For instance, if Mao zedong is not socialized of Chinese situation during his young time, how can he learned the advanced method (建议加一个and) gradually to resolute china. And in my observation, children were less socialized would be harmful to our society. For example, a person isolated of our society, he/she may gradually been idosyncracy, paranoid only because he/she (is) not socialized. In order to that, he/she could do something detrimental to our society, or nations. Why I give this example? To say it clearly, if a kid not socialized, and be isolated, he may not well understand the others, social developed tendency(不懂这句什么意思). So, he/she can't find a job, girlfriend or fellows in the future. If a lot of children isolated from our society. What the result would be? Of course, it will be detrimental to our society if lots of people without job, satisfaction and so on. From the two aspects I said above, I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assert that children's socialized level determines the future of our society.

   However, society is a complex concept to us, different people may have different ideas. How can we definite better society, what is the norm is a question remained. And under our society with drastic competition, how to let child become socialized is another problem. To attain the goals of let children be socialized, most people and education system is to let their children learn a lot of knowledge, such as dancing, play piano, draw pictures, (这几个并列有问题，不统一) etc. But we don't totally understand their ways of being socialized. When Thomas Edison continue s his dream of making lights after several falls at his young age, lots of people thought he was a mad. Finally, he invited the light, it changes our social life and future. We should learn how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is a difficult question remain unsolved, we need further experiment and analysis, to do that. If we can solve it eventually. Children will be the future of our society.

   In summary, I fundamentally agree with the spark’s assert, but how to make a better society which raise children who can help bring society depends on the clearly and successfully definition of society to be made. (上面一句比较混乱，实话) If we can find the definition clearly, it will be easy for us find the ways to improve, and to build a education system instruct them and raise them help bring about a better society.

感觉作者估计写的比较匆忙，用了几个例子，但说实话，对论证的贡献不大。另外作者写的有点中文化，很多地方语法很有问题，感觉为了长难句而长难句，句子是变长了，但是倒难懂了（就我而言）。
总的来说，思路还是很清晰的。
issue130我个人感觉比较麻烦，我和作者一样，也从两个角度来论证，但是各位队友都从一个方面来论证，不知道哪个更好一点，这点我们其实可以都讨论一下。

PS:说点题外话，作者的写作态度不是很好。:D ，写完了估计也没有检查，也没有放到word里面自动检查一下，有很多拼写错误。其实放word里面是很简单的一件事，但是可以提高大家的效率的。呵呵。建议建议。 楼主有空也拍一下我的issue130。共同提高。

approachUID: 2101189

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-208286-1-1.html
请修改您的发贴格式,改好后回复此短消息,再将主题打开.
回复消息时候附上此作文的连接.

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

谢谢拍砖的，还希望大家多多的扔砖头啊,必定回拍

eric_panUID: 2270415

楼主拼写错误好多,感觉例子不太得当，不过思路挺清楚。加油

tonygarfieldUID: 2268453

The statement consists of two claims,(1),social future determined by how children learn socialized today.(2)we have not found a effective way to teach children being socialized.while I foundmentally with the spearker's claim in order to the reasons below.（似乎用first second 更好）
   To begin with,children is the future of their family,the society,even the country.My opinion include two aspects.One is that from the psychology side,children are  easier to receive knowledge and behavior than audlt.For instance,if Mao zedong is not socilazied of chinese situation during his young time,how can he learned the advanced method graduly to resolute china.And in my opservation,children were less socialized would be harmful to our society.For example,a person isolated of our society,he/she may graduly been idosyncracy,paranoid only because he/she not socialized.In order to that ,he/she could do something detrimental to our society,or nations.Why I give this example? To say it clearly,if a kid not socialized,and be isolated,he may not welly understand the others,social developed trendency.So,he/she can't find a job,girlfriend or fellows inthe future.If a lot of children isolated from our society.what the result would be ?Of course,it will be detrimental to our society if lots of people without job,satisfaction and so on.From the two aspects I said above,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert that children's socialized level determines the future of our society.（语句很通顺，观点也很鲜明但例子似乎不太合适 为对position起到应起的作用）
   However,society is a comlex concept to us,different people may have different ideas.How can we definate better society,what is the norm is a question reamined.And under our society with drastic competition,how to let child become socialized is another problem.To attain the goals of let children be socialzied,most people and education system is to let their children learn a lot of knowledge,such as dancing,play piano,draw pictures,etc.But we don't totally understand their ways of being socialized.When Thomas Edison continue s his dream of making lights after several falls at his young age,lots of people thought he was a mad.Finally,he inveted the light,it changes our social life and future.We should learn how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is a diffucult question remain unsolved,we need futher experiment and analysis,to do that.If we can solve it eventually.Children will be the future of our society.（感觉前面一直再讲how to socialized 但从例子到分析都没有表明自己的态度 只是说diffcult 故读起来有点含糊感觉快要表明的时候戛然而止）
   In summary,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert ,but how to make a better society which raise children who can help bring society depends on the clearly and successfully definition of society to be made.If we can find the definition clearly,it will be easy for us（to） find the ways to improve,and  build a education system instruct（ing ）them and raise them（用children好点感觉） help bring about a better society.
陋见：
Position和分论点都不错 但感觉例子不是很恰当 （我也是这样的毛病 不知道怎么弄例子）我的感觉是这种情况下编一个更好 spelling要注意  句子的结构方面要再推敲

怎么变字号 弄颜色啊

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

不清楚啊.5555

piggy2006UID: 2272134

The statement consists of two claims,(1),social future determined by how children learn socialized today.(2)we have not found a effective way to teach children being socialized.while I foundmentally with the spearker's claim in order to the reasons below.

   To begin with,children is the future of their family,the society,even the country.My opinion include two aspects.One is that from the psychology side,children are  easier to receive knowledge and behavior than audlt.For instance,if Mao zedong is not socilazied of chinese situation during his young time,how can he learned the advanced method graduly to resolute china.(没有对socialization的定义，你怎么就直接说毛泽东年轻时对中国时局的理解是社会化结果呢？？)And in my opservation,children were less socialized would be harmful to our society.For example,a person isolated of our society,he/she may graduly been idosyncracy,paranoid only because he/she not socialized.In order to that ,he/she could do something detrimental to our society,or nations.Why I give this example? To say it clearly,if a kid not socialized,and be isolated,he may not welly understand the others,social developed trendency.So,he/she can't find a job,girlfriend or fellows inthe future.If a lot of children isolated from our society.what the result would be ?Of course,it will be detrimental to our society if lots of people without job,satisfaction and so on(这个例子相当的口语化，并且感觉对帮助你观点的论证每多少实质意义。。。说服力不够~).From the two aspects I said above,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert that children's socialized level determines the future of our society.(我用橘黄色标的是我觉得你的过渡相当的汉语化。。。读起来感觉很怪~书面很少看这样写的。。。)

   However,society is a comlex concept to us,different people may have different ideas.How can we definate better society,what is the norm is a question reamined.And under our society with drastic competition,how to let child become socialized is another problem.To attain the goals of let children be socialzied,most people and education system is to let their children learn a lot of knowledge,such as dancing,play piano,draw pictures,etc.But we don't totally understand their ways of being socialized.When Thomas Edison continue s his dream of making lights after several falls at his young age,lots of people thought he was a mad(查下字典。。。用作名词的时候不是疯子的意思~).Finally,he inveted the light,it changes our social life and future.We should learn how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is a diffucult question remain unsolved,we need futher experiment and analysis,to do that.If we can solve it eventually.Children will be the future of our society.(感觉没把问题说清楚。。。找不到你到底想表达什么。。。举爱迪生的例子要标明什么呢？？如果你觉得这个例子能论证你的观点，你至少得把这个例子所证明的观点列出来吧。。。因为我实在不晓得我们怎样教育孩子跟爱迪生之间的必然联系。。。)

   In summary,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert ,but how to make a better society which raise children who can help bring society depends on the clearly and successfully definition of society to be made.If we can find the definition clearly,it will be easy for us find the ways to improve,and to build a education system instruct them and raise them help bring about a better society.

感觉你没把socialization这个问题说清楚哈。。。
p.s：看了你的修改，我的文章已经重新写了，欢迎指教哈~
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-578178-1-1.html

作文版全体版主UID: 2102351

topic:How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately,we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
     The statement consists of two claims,(1),social future determined by how children learn socialized today.(2)we have not found a effective way to teach children being socialized.while I foundmentally with the spearker's claim in order to the reasons below. 不好不好，阅卷人比你更清楚题目说的什么咚咚，这种开头对题目的理解及 概括要求都很高，不建议采用。我建议的开头是简要交代背景，提出个人观点。
   To begin with,children is the future of their family,the society,even the country.这个拿来当主题句？？？没有任何有用信息，完全失败的主题句。My opinion include two aspects.One is that from the psychology side,children are  easier to receive knowledge and behavior than audlt.For instance,if Mao zedong is not socilazied of chinese situation during his young time,how can he learned the advanced method graduly to resolute china.例子的侧重点不对，你说主席同志socilazied源自小时候，老美就认同你啦？这个例子放在这里没有什么正面作用。And in my opservation,children were less socialized would be harmful to our society.For example,a person isolated of our society,he/she may graduly been idosyncracy,paranoid only because he/she not socialized.In order to that ,he/she could do something detrimental to our society,or nations.Why I give this example? To say it clearly,if a kid not socialized,and be isolated,he may not welly understand the others,social developed trendency.So,he/she can't find a job,girlfriend or fellows inthe future.If a lot of children isolated from our society.what the result would be ?Of course,it will be detrimental to our society if lots of people without job,satisfaction and so on.From the two aspects I said above,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert that children's socialized level determines the future of our society.

问题很严重：1，two aspects， one is。。。。。第二个呢？没有呼应
                  2，我改成蓝色的部分，首先语法之类的问题请自己检查，这个别人给检查了下次还是会错，自己改过来的才是真正理解，不会再错的。
                      其次，语句打得七零八落，不符合逻辑写作要求，给我的感觉是起码说明思维没有条理性。还用了很多不合适的提问，这下更零散了。提问在AW写作中的应用无非设问跟反问，设问后面记住一定要有明确的回答，因为你是在论证观点，不是在给老师出脑筋急转弯，反问本身包涵着答案，这个不用多说。看看你的提问，引起读者的思考吗？所有读AW的人都是边读边思考，没必要提醒AW读者思考。
                      第三， 这部分的假设适用面太狭窄，完全是自己设计了一个很例外的场景来企图论证广泛性的论点，没有说服力。 （其实我真正想说的是没有任何说服力）
                     
   However,society is a comlex concept to us,different people may have different ideas.嗯，又是一个没有任何实质作用的主题句，我们这是在写主题句哇，请用心。How can we definate better society,what is the norm is a question reamined.And under our society with drastic competition,how to let child become socialized is another problem.嗯，甩出一堆问题，（怎样定义better society及怎样become socialized）读到这里，我很期待后面的回应都是什么样子。To attain the goals of let children be socialzied,most people and education system is to let their children learn a lot of knowledge,such as dancing,play piano,draw pictures,etc.But we don't totally understand their ways of being socialized.按思维习惯，甩出这些问题后，接下来是对问题的解答，这里我很失望的没有发现lz对better society的定义。When Thomas Edison continue s his dream of making lights after several falls at his young age,检查语法问题lots of people thought he was a mad.Finally,he inveted the light,it changes our social life and future.请问lz这个例子想说明什么论点We should learn how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is a diffucult question remain unsolved,we need futher experiment and analysis,to do that.If we can solve it eventually.Children will be the future of our society. lz最后提出了一个很难做到的状态，另外难道我们做不到你说的这种状态，children就不是我们的future了吗？我们社会现在不是一样发展的好好的？
   In summary,I foundmentally agree with the speark's assert ,but how to make a better society which raise children who can help bring society depends on the clearly and successfully definition of society to be made.If we can find the definition clearly,it will be easy for us find the ways to improve,and to build a education system instruct them and raise them help bring about a better society.

不好意思，看下来不知道你的观点到底是什么，论点确立和论证展开都做得不好。

建议Google一下socialization，明确了这个核心词的意思再构思这篇文章怎样展开，这篇文章确实不好写。

先批这么多，不要晕掉

小马家家UID: 2247022

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儿童社会化(这是关于儿童社会话的一篇文章, 以前秘方斑斑把网页贴出来, 我给抄下来了) 希望对你理解有所帮助
Human infants are born without any culture. They must be transformed by their parents, teachers, and others into cultural and socially adept animals. The general process of acquiring culture is referred to as socialization. During socialization, we learn the language of culture we are born into as well as the roles we are to play in life. For instance, girls learn how to be daughter, sisters, friends, wives, and mothers. In addition, they learn about the occupational roles that their society has in store for them. We also learn and usually adopt our culture’s norms through the socialization process. Norms are the conceptions of appropriate and excepted behavior that are held by most members of the society. While socialization refers to the general process of acquiring culture, anthropologists use the term enculturation for the process of being socialized to a particular culture. You were enculturated to your specific culture by your parents and the other people who raised you.

Socialization is important in the process of personality formation.（社会化的作用） While much of human personality is the result of our genes, the socialization process can mold it in particular directions by encouraging specific beliefs and attitudes as well as selectively providing experiences. This very likely account for much of the difference between the common personality types in one society in comparison to another. For instance, the semai tribesmen of the central Malay Peninsula of Malaysia typically are gentle people who do not like violent, aggressive individuals. In fact, they avoid them whenever possible. In contrast, the Yanomamo Indians on the border area between Venezuela and Brazil usually train their boys to be tough and aggressive. The ideal Yanomamo man does not shrink from violence and strong emotions. In fact, he seeks them out. Likewise（同样地）, Shiite Muslim men of Iran are expected at times to publicly express their religious faith through the emotionally powerful act of self-inflicted pain.

Successful socialization can result in uniformity within a society（社会化的作用）. If all children receive the same socialization, it is likely that they will share the same beliefs and expectations. This fact has been a strong motivation for national governments around the world to standardize education and make it compulsory for all children. Deciding what things will be taught and how they are taught is a powerful political tool for controlling people. Those who internalize the norms of society are less likely to break the law or want radical social changes. In all societies, however, there are individuals who do not conform to culturally defined standards of normalcy because they were “abnormally” socialized, which is to say that they have not internalized the norms of society. These people are usually labeled by their society as deviant or even mentally ill.
Large-scale societies, such as the United States, are usually composed of many ethnic groups. As a consequence, early socialization in different families often varies in techniques, goals, and expectations. Since these complex societies are not culturally homogenous, they do not have unanimous agreement about what should be the shared norms. Not surprisingly, this national ambiguity usually results in more tolerance of social deviancy--it is more acceptable to be different in appearance, personality, and actions in such large- scale societies.
How are children socialized?

Socialization is a learning process（学习过程） that begins shortly after birth（开始的时间）. Early childhood is the period of the most intense and the most crucial socialization. It is then that we acquire language and learn the fundamentals of our culture（社会化的内容）. It is also when much of our personality takes shape. However, we continue to be socialized throughout our lives. As we age, we enter new statuses and need to learn the appropriate roles for them（塑造性格）. We also have experiences that teach us lessons and potentially lead us to alter our expectations, beliefs, and personality（调整自己）. For instance, the experience of being raped is likely to cause a woman to be distrustful of others.
Looking around the world, we see that different cultures use different techniques to socialize their children.（不同的文化用不同方法来社会化他们的儿童）There are two broad types of teaching methods-formal and informal. Formal education is what primarily happens in a classroom. It usually is structured, controlled, and directed primarily by adult teachers who are professional “knowers”. In contrast, informal education can occur anywhere. It involves imitation of what others do and say as well as experimentation and repetitive practice of basic skills. This is what happens when children role-play adult interactions（相互作用） in their games.

Women and girls. Initially, mothers and their female relatives are primarily responsible for socialization. Later, when children enter the lower school grades, they are usually under the control of women teachers. In North America and some other industrialized nations, baby-sitters are most often teenage girls who love in the neighborhood. In other societies, they are likely to be older sisters or grandmothers.

During the 1950’s, Margaret Mead led an extensive field study of early socialization practices in six different societies. They were the Gusii of Kenya, the Rajpits of India, the village of Taira on the island of Okinawa in Japan, the Tarong of the Philippines, the Mixteca Indians of central Mexico, and a New England community that was given the pseudonym Orchardtown. All of these societies shared in common the fact that they were relatively homogeneous culturally. Two general conclusions emerged from this study.（从实验中得到两个基本的结论） First, socialization practices varied markedly from society to society（不同的社会社会化实践差距很大）. Second, the socialization practices were generally similar among people of the same society（在相同的社会中人们间，社会化实践通常相似）. This is not surprising since people from the same culture and community are likely to share core values and perceptions. In addition, we generally socialize our children in much the same way that our parents socialized us. Margaret Mead and her fellow researchers found that different methods were used to control children in these six societies. For instance, the Gusii primarily used fear and physical punishment. In contrast, the people of Taira used parental praise and the threat of withholding praise. The Tarong mainly relied on teasing and scaring.（不同的社会，社会化方法不同）

Margaret Mead’s cross-cultures study of socialization is provocative.（社会化的意义） Perhaps, you are now asking yourself what methods you would use to control the behavior of your children. Would you spank them or threaten to do so? Would you only use praise? Would you belittle or tease them for not behaving? Would you try to make your children independent and self-reliant or would you discourage it in favor of continuing dependence? At some time in our lives, most of us will be involved in raising children. Will you do in the same way that you were raised? Very likely you will because you were socialization that way. Abusive parents were, in most cases, abused by their parents. Likewise, gentle, indulgent parent were raised that way themselves. Is there a right or wrong way to socialize children? To a certain extent the answer depends on the frame of reference. What is right in one culture may be wrong in another.

Even seemingly insignificant actions of parents can have major impacts on the socialization of their children.（父母在社会化中的影响）For instance, what would you do if your baby cried continuously but was not ill, hungry, or in need of a diaper change? Would you hold your baby, rock back and forth, walk around, or sing gently until the crying stopped, even if it took hours. The answer that you give very likely depends on your culture. The traditional Navaho Indian response usually was to remove the baby from social contact until the crying stopped. After making sure that the baby was not ill or in physical distress, he or she would be taken outside of the small single room house and left in a safe place until the crying stopped. Then the baby would be brought indoors again to join the family. Perhaps, as a result, Navaho babies raised in this way are usually very quiet. They learn early that making noise causes them to be removed from social contact. In most North American families today, we would hold our baby in this situation until the crying stopped. The lesson that we inadvertently may be giving is that crying results in social contact. Is this wrong? Not necessarily, but it is a different socialization technique.

nostrumUID: 2124189

吼吼吼~~~

赞下小马，谢谢哈

最近额快忙得抽风了:(

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

谢谢大家.我一定会努力的.