issue47 synergy小组大家帮忙拍拍

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

47 "Society does not place enough emphasis on theintellect—that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills."
  

简短提纲:
position:同意社会确实没有重视intellect,但是现在人们已经意识到了这一点,所以正在尝试各种改革来改变现状
1.同意作者观点的原因一:教育体制的问题
2.同意作者观点的原因二:与高度发达的technology有关
3.人们已经意识到了社会没有足够重视智力,目前正在进行一系列的改革以阻止情况恶化
render us slaves to
确定是to,范文上学来的

写个提纲更好

     
Dose not society place enough emphasis on the intellect asthe speaker asserts? [建议换下词，不要照搬题目上的]I concede that society, to some degree, indeed dosenot pay much attention to cultivating intellect which contains the abilities ofreasoning, cognition, and creation and comprehension. However, people nowadayshave commenced to conduct a series of innovations so as to transform the statusquo.
[开头写的不错，句式和措辞都还好]

     
The chief reason of my agreement on the speaker’s claim involves the currenteducational mechanism. On one hand, tests are none the less the principlecriterion to assess the ability of a student, resulting in a negative effectthat neither will the students and teachers place stress [直接用stress不好吗？]on fostering the reasoning, cognitive, creative [三个形容词后面一个名词不能省吧]and other skills. Instead, they are apt to leave nostone unturned [好短语，偶还不知道，记下来呵呵] intheir efforts upon how to pass those examinations smoothly embracingspeculation or even cheat in exams. Furthermore, in [不要]the test system lies another hidden harm particularly in some Asian countriesthat getting a high grade merely calls for putting a host of hours inconstantly repeating to rote a spate of knowledge [偶还没见过这样的形容，可能偶孤陋寡闻了]by the means of mnemonics, which are apt to decrease the ability of cognitionand reasoning.[这一句写得满好的] Onthe other hand, in this era of information explode[explosion],as a student, we have to learn multiple courses covering the knowledge from diversitiesof fields [直接用diverse fields不好吗？]so that no time and energy are left for us to commit to analyzing, grasping，probingknowledge in depth and thus build a comprehensive structure ofknowledge by fully utilizing the capacity of intellect.[怎么与前半句意见相反捏？]As a result, we are deprived of opportunities to develop the intellect.Chronically, there is a tendency that the intellect of students is rendered inactive andeven obtuse. [本段整体结构很好，说理清晰，句子措辞都还不错]

      

The second reason why Igenerally assent to this statement has to do with the development oftechnology. Along with the quickening [这个好象是名词]advancement of technology, we reduce assembly-line into reality in the realm ofmanufacture, which not only boost the efficiency of productivity but also mightbe tempting to restrain the progress of intellectual capacity of human beings. Inthis sense, automation render us slaves to machines that a large proportion ofworkers merely focus on the operative skills whereas seldom ponder questionslike how those machines work and why they work in this way, which are conduciveto improve the abilities of reasoning and comprehension [长句子写得很好哦],[+and] let alone delve [+ing]into ameliorating the machines and creating more effective ones. Moreover,varied professional training schools also underestimate the significance ofreasoning and creation more or less but simply lay much value on theproficiency of operating machines, which never goes a long way to gain in theintellect. Consequently, it makes possible ossification [前面这个好象用在医学方面换rigidity]and even regression of the intellect.  [本段论证很充分啊]

      

Nevertheless,what really relieves us a bit is that more and more people have begun torealize the ponderance of the intellect, neglecting which obviously putssands in the wheels of the evolution of society[这个从句不理解，难道是高级英语？还有比喻偶不是很懂，把沙子放在轮子里？不觉得怪怪的吗？偶是没有见过轮子里面有沙子只在跳沙坑的时候鞋子会进沙子，比喻欠妥].Recent efforts to reform public and professional education in a number ofcountries say, European-American and Asian countries have been characterized byan unprecedented endeavor to increase the consciousness of educatingintellectual ability. For example, a teaching approach that connects/integrateknowledge and theories with social practice has been waged and receivedaccolades in many schools. In the process of this way of learning, students nolonger purely memorize or smatter knowledge, to the contrary[+逗号，断句]they make the best use of their reasoning skills and other skills to discoverpractical problems in daily life and apply what they have learned to cope withthem, in which way [in this way 吧？]the intellect of them can be sharpen gradually. There are parallels in advancededucation that universities and colleges encourage [能是鼓励学生奖金吗？用offer吧]and afford students funds to carry out scientific researches in order tonurture talents with creative ability and rigorous[这个词好象不合适] reasoningintellect. Besides, in the United States, the promulgation of No Child LeftBehind Act enacted by Bush government reinforces the education of basicsubjects especially accentuates [in accentuating]the importance of learning mathematic, through which, you possibly find yourreasoning and logic intellect soar.[举完了这么一大段例子再总结下更好，不是吗]
      
To sum up, while society, as a matter of fact, have not attached greatmagnitude to the intellect, on balance, people have already been aware of theserious consequence of the present  educational mechanism and arestriving to attempt to embark upon a wide range of reforms to overcome itsdisadvantages and deter the situation from deteriorating.

      

总评：偶看了下觉得偶要能写这么好，那真是……..文中运用好多GRE单词~~西西~~可惜偶还不行。其实没有什么好批的了，从措辞到句子结构，再到段落安排都错落有制，特别是论述，相当精彩的说，材料例子都非常充足，除了偶挑出来的一些错误外好象没有了耶~~

注解

leave nostone unturned
是想方设法,千方百计的意思,我sure,理解成不遗余力也应该可以

how to pass those examinations smoothly embracing speculation or even cheat inexams.
意思是他们在如何顺利通过考试方面想尽办法,包括投机取巧甚至考试作弊,不知道能不能用embracing,我就是想用他替换including和containing

lay value on=lay emphasis on

ponderance 我本来想用importance或significance,后来觉得老用这几个词不爽,结果一查诺亚洲,出来个ponderance,但是在字典查不到这个单词,可能是没有这个词

neglecting which obviously puts sands in the wheels of the evolution of society
忽视无疑是对社会改革的阻碍,对,是这个意思,不知道我的定语从句有没有写错,总感觉好象不妥

[ 本帖最后由 ntmlgsz 于 2007-1-5 23:59 编辑 ]