Issue152 一个人的孤单，扔点碳来温暖我吧

christainUID: 2200210

"The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."
观点：有保留的反对
1. 确实应该利润最大化。否则竞争激烈，无法生存。而企业做任何事情的前提条件就是生存下来。很多地方也要用钱（给员工发工资需要钱，为公司作宣传打广告要钱，开发新产品新技术要钱）如果一个公司没有利润，就无法继续经营，那么员工也就没有工资，产品的质量就得不到保证，价格就会相应下降，直到被其他公司所打败。例如很多公司由于没有钱可赚而不得不破产或拍卖。如IBM的PC部门。
2. 但是赚钱不是corporate executives唯一responsibility，corporate executives have responsibility to give employees motives, including 给员工提供良好的工作环境，为员工塑造融洽的人际关系氛围，给予员工发展和成长的机会。Jack Welch’s intrinsic point of view and unique capability of management propels General Engineer to one of the most competitive companies in the world, earning 400 million dollars in the past two decades.
3.   一个公司属于社会的一部分，corporate executives belongs to the company, 所以除了赚钱，corporate executives 还有责任回报社会。例子：污染、有限的能源、人力资本，有责任为社会承担责任。如：帮助治理污染、开发先进的节能设备。做一些慈善事业【charity undertaking】取之于民，用之于民。这样不仅可以树立公司良好的社会形象，还可以帮助需要帮助的人。而且也体现社会对弱势群体的关注。例子：bill gates的慈善事业

People often take it for granted that the responsibility of corporate executives is to maximize the profit of their company. But is this the only responsibility of them? As for as I am concerned, except for the lucrative goal, corporative should also hold two other responsibilities, that is, caring about employees and society. （这个thesis，我自己觉得有点循环论证，请指教）

Admittedly, corporate executives do have the responsibility to optimize the profit of their companies. Profit is of central importance to the survival of a company. To keep a company running, it is necessary to pay employees, advertise, and develop new technology, all of which need money to back up. Where does the money spent on the wage and welfare of employees, advertising, and new technology come from? Certainly, it stems from profit. Part of profit can be used as the reward of employees’ work, profit is the goal of and used to cover the expenditure on advertising, and profit can attractive more investment and funds from investors. If there is not an existence of lucre for a company, there is guarantee for an absence of success or investments. IBM company, for example, sold its department of personal computer to Lenovo Corporation for the reason that personal computer can not make much money for IBM.   

However, aside from the responsibility of making profit, it is also accountable for corporate executives to stimulate employees, including providing a good environment for them to work in, opportunities for them to grow and improve, and a harmony atmosphere for them to live. Employees are the source of the profit. Only with their effort the profit can expand. Working and living in a better environment is definitely beneficial to improve employees’ efficiency and responsibility, both of which are needed to snowball the profit. For example, Jack Welch’s intrinsic point of view and unique capability of management propels General Engineer to one of the most competitive companies in the world, earning 400 million dollars in the past two decades. Thus, corporate executives also need to encourage employees to work hard.

Moreover, corporate executives should also seek a responsible role in society. Because corporate executives belong to and represent for companies-a part of society, it behooves them to do something for the interest of society as a whole. These charitable things include protecting environment, undertaking charity, etc. By doing so, companies not only earn a good reputation among consumers, which indirectly help promote their sales and profit, but also help the people who are in hardness-those who are poor, disabled, and the like. Take Bill Gates as an example. As a CEO of Microsoft and also the richest man in the world, he and Mrs. Gates set up a great deal of funds for those underdogs. Mr. Gates set a good example for all corporate executives by telling them that corporate executives should make their contributions to society.

In sum, along with the growing power of business, the responsibility of corporate executives is also increasing. Not only the burden of maximizing profit but also of motivating employees and of contributing to society are on their shoulder. Restricting their responsibility in maximizing profit, it seems to me, is too narrow.

songofyngwieUID: 2205435

People oftentake it for granted that the responsibility of corporate executives is tomaximize the profit of their company. But is this the only responsibility ofthem? As for as I am concerned, (cliché)except for the lucrative goal, corporative should also hold two otherresponsibilities, that is, caring about employees and society.

Admittedly, corporateexecutives do have the responsibility to optimize the profit of theircompanies. Profit is of central importance to the survival of a company. Tokeep a company running, it is necessary to pay employees, advertise, and develop ==>(to develop) new technology, all of whichneed money to back up. Where does the money spent on the wage and welfare ofemployees, advertising, and new technology come from? Certainly, it stems fromprofit. Part of profit can be used as the reward of employees’ work, profit isthe goal of and used to cover the expenditure on advertising, and profit can attractive==>attractmoreinvestment and funds from investors. If there is not anexistence of lucre for a company, there is guarantee for an absence of successor investments.(to be concise : The existence of lucre guarantees the success or investments of a company ) IBM company, for example, soldits department of personal computer to Lenovo Corporation for the reason thatpersonal computer can not make much money for IBM.   

However, aside from theresponsibility of making profit, it is also accountable for corporateexecutives to stimulate employees, including providing a good environment forthem to work in, opportunities for them to grow and improve, and a harmonyatmosphere for them to live. Employees are the source of the profit. Only withtheir effort the profit can expand. Working and living in a better environmentis definitely beneficial to improve employees’ efficiency and responsibility,both of which are needed to snowball (good!) theprofit. For example, Jack Welch’s intrinsic point of view and uniquecapability of management propels General Engineer to one of the mostcompetitive companies in the world, earning 400 million dollars in the past twodecades. Thus, corporate executives also need to encourage employees to workhard. (good example, but you should point out how can it support your topic sentence)

Moreover, corporateexecutives should also seek a responsible role in society. Because corporateexecutives belong to and represent for companies-a part of society, it behoovesthem to do something for the interest of society as a whole. These charitablethings include protecting environment, undertaking charity, etc. By doing so, companiesnot only earn a good reputation among consumers, which indirectly help promotetheir sales and profit, but also help the people who are in hardness-those whoare poor, disabled, and the like. Take Bill Gates as an example. As a CEO ofMicrosoft and also the richest man in the world, he and Mrs. Gates set up agreat deal of funds for those underdogs. Mr. Gates set a good example for allcorporate executives by telling them that corporate executives should maketheir contributions to society.

In sum, along with thegrowing power of business, the responsibility of corporate executives is alsoincreasing. Not only the burden of maximizing profit but also of motivatingemployees and of contributing to society are on their shoulder. Merely restrictingtheir responsibility in maximizing profit, it seems to me, is too narrow.


very good work!
IDEA : clear and logical , with strongly supporting examples

STRUCTURE & SENTENCE: complete and well developed
VOCABULARY : various
with Minor Errors


[ 本帖最后由 songofyngwie 于 2007-1-16 13:37 编辑 ]

wbavwUID: 2176149

占个位置，马上回来改

wbavwUID: 2176149

"The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."

People often take it for granted that the responsibility of corporate executives is to maximize the profit of their company. But is this the only responsibility of them[代词指代不清，容易造成歧义]? As for [far] as I am [去掉]concerned, except for the lucrative goal, corporative should also hold two other responsibilities, that is, caring about employees and society. [LZ 看看改成这样好不好： As far as I  concerned, except for the lucrative goal, the corporatives should also hold two other responsibilities- caring about employees and society.]

Admittedly, corporate executives do have the responsibility to optimize the profit of their companies. Profit is of central importance to the survival of a company. To keep a company running, it is necessary to pay employees, advertise, and develop new technology[technologies], all of which need money to back up. Where does the money spent on the wage and welfare of employees, advertising, and new technology [与上一句重复，可以去掉]come from? Certainly, it stems from profit. Part of profit can be used as the reward of employees’ work, profit is the goal of and used to cover the expenditure on advertising, and profit can attractive more investment and funds from investors. [首先要说的是排比不错，不过顺序有些问题，还需要改一下]If there is not an existence of lucre for a company, there[it] is guarantee for an absence of success or investments. IBM company, for example, sold its department of personal computer to Lenovo Corporation for the reason that personal computer can not make much money for IBM.   

However, aside from the responsibility of making profit, it is also accountable for corporate executives to stimulate employees, including providing a good environment for them to work in, opportunities for them to grow and improve, and a harmony atmosphere for them to live. Employees are the source of the profit. Only with their effort the profit can expand. Working and living in a better environment is definitely beneficial to improve employees’ efficiency and responsibility, both of which are needed to snowball the profit. For example, Jack Welch’s intrinsic point of view and unique capability of management propels General Engineer to one of the most competitive companies in the world, earning 400 million dollars in the past two decades. Thus, corporate executives also need to encourage employees to work hard.

Moreover, corporate executives should also seek a responsible role in society. Because corporate executives belong to and represent for companies-a part of society, it behooves them to do something for the interest of society as a whole. These charitable things include protecting environment, undertaking charity, etc. By doing so, companies not only earn a good reputation among consumers, which indirectly help promote their sales and profit, but also help the people who are in hardness-those who are poor, disabled, and the like. Take Bill Gates as an example. As a CEO of Microsoft and also the richest man in the world, he and Mrs. Gates set up a great deal of funds for those underdogs. Mr. Gates set a good example for all corporate executives by telling them that corporate executives should make their contributions to society. [例子很好]


[LZ在第二段的分析中也提到为员工创造更好的工作环境是为了创造更多的利润，我觉得的其实本文中LZ所述的两个责任其实都是为profit服务的，所以中间的两段改成不同两个方面叙述是不是更有逻辑？ In order to make more profits, the corporate executives should also take two other accountabilities. One is ... the other is ...]

In sum, along with the growing power of business, the responsibility of corporate executives is also increasing. Not only the burden of maximizing profit but also of motivating employees and of contributing to society are on their shoulder. Restricting their responsibility in maximizing profit, it seems to me, is too narrow.

总的来说，开头和结尾简洁意赅，中间段落我认为还需要好好考虑一下，本人很水，呵呵！
不知道LZ什么时候考，总之++++++++++++油！

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

"The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."

People often take it for granted that the responsibility of corporate executives is to maximize the profit of their company. But is this the only responsibility of them[代词指代不清，容易造成歧义]? As for [far] as I am concerned, except for the lucrative goal, corporative should also hold two other responsibilities, that is, caring about employees and society.

Admittedly, corporate executives do have the responsibility to optimize the profit of their companies. Profit is of central importance to the survival of a company. To keep a company running, it is necessary to pay employees, advertise, and develop new technology[technologies], all of which need money to back up. Where does the money spent on the wage and welfare of employees, advertising, and new technology [与上一句重复，可以去掉]come from? Certainly, it stems from profit. Part of profit can be used as the reward of employees’ work, profit is the goal of and used to cover the expenditure on advertising, and profit can attractive more investment and funds from investors. [首先要说的是排比不错，不过顺序有些问题，还需要改一下]有些地方不对仗,如果是排比句的话 If there is not( without) an existence of lucre for a company, there is guarantee for an absence of success or investments. IBM company, for example, sold its department of personal computer to Lenovo Corporation for the reason that personal computer can not make much money for IBM.  结尾总结一下吧

However, aside from the responsibility of making profit, it is also accountable for corporate executives to stimulate employees, including providing a good environment for them to work in, opportunities for them to grow and improve, and a harmony atmosphere for them to live. Employees are the source of the profit. Only with their effort the profit can expand. Working and living in a better environment is definitely beneficial to improve employees’ efficiency and responsibility, both of which are needed to snowball the profit. For example, Jack Welch’s intrinsic point of view and unique capability of management propels General Engineer to one of the most competitive companies in the world, earning 400 million dollars in the past two decades. Thus, corporate executives also need to encourage employees to work hard. 这段有点问题,正如楼上所说,这一段仍是为profit服务,和上一段重复了,你不妨抛开profit, 谈下企业文化,企业环境其他的好处,就照提纲那样就很好了

Moreover, corporate executives should also seek a responsible role in society. Because corporate executives belong to and represent for companies-a part of society, it behooves them to do something for the interest of society as a whole. These charitable things include protecting environment, undertaking charity, etc. By doing so, companies not only earn a good reputation among consumers, which indirectly help promote their sales and profit, but also help the people who are in hardness-those who are poor, disabled, and the like. Take Bill Gates as an example. As a CEO of Microsoft and also the richest man in the world, he and Mrs. Gates set up a great deal of funds for those underdogs. Mr. Gates set a good example for all corporate executives by telling them that corporate executives should make their contributions to society. [例子很好]

In sum, along with the growing power of business, the responsibility of corporate executives is also increasing. Not only the burden of maximizing profit but also of motivating employees and of contributing to society are on their shoulder. Restricting their responsibility in maximizing profit, it seems to me, is too narrow.
除了第二段有点问题,其他都还可以
提纲写的满不错
红色是我改的



[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2007-1-17 21:42 编辑 ]

christainUID: 2200210

to songofyngwie ：你的评语很鼓舞人心哦，谢谢

christainUID: 2200210

to wbavw
As far as I  concerned, except for the lucrative goal, the corporatives should also hold two other responsibilities- caring about employees and society.
这样改的很好，只是你觉不觉得有点循环论证

我3.13考，你什么时候考阿

christainUID: 2200210

to westlife007_hu ：
有些地方不对仗,如果是排比句的话
还要对仗阿，完全不懂
大家都说第2段有问题，看来是得改改了
请留链，我向大家学习学习

wozeiUID: 2289152

good working
especially the example!

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

还有个问题,第二段的例子好象与论点联系的不是很紧,不是说你的例子不精确,而是叙述的时候好象太抽象了一点, 你只说了Jack Welch’s intrinsic point of view and uniquecapability of management,是不是应该再具体到他的某一种理念或某一种管理方式, 以体现给员工提供良好的工作环境，或为员工塑造融洽的人际关系氛围，或给予员工发展和成长的机会,也是使他成为全球最有竞争力的企业的原因之一.

wbavwUID: 2176149

我2.16考，不太熟悉循环论证，感觉是Argument中出现的吧，LZ的作文不错，要有信心！