Issue177 【CSMY作文互改第四小组】第五次作业

ctexUID: 2241178

ISSUE177 - "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."
WORDS: 446          TIME: 上午 12:51:28          DATE: 2007-1-16
Second edition:518 words

I strongly agree that through studying an academic discipline we will alter the way we perceive the world around us. The followings are my analysis to this question.

To begin with, through studying academic knowledge, we can change the wrong way we used to employing. When we have not been instilled in special knowledge on certain academic fields, we were inclined to judge the things in those fields based on experience that lacks scientific knowledge. Sometimes we might have chance of being correct, while at most time we would be wrong due to lacking relating major knowledge. A famous example is the inclined tower experiment done by Galileo. In this experiment Galileo demonstrated the fact that two objects will fall at the same speed to the ground irrespective of their weight. Before that experiment, people wrongly thought that the heavier a object is, the faster its speed is. Though studying the inclined tower experiment, people altered their ideas that seem absurd today. So, in some sense, academic knowledge can help us to avoid making ridiculous mistakes.

Secondly, through studying academic knowledge, we will be able to form a scientific method to think about those confusing issues. For example, I felt confused about why giant objects like planes can fly like birds in my childhood. After I studied the course of fluid dynamics in college, I gained the answer for my confusion. The reason is that when plane begins to take off and at the moment of detaching from the land it can get lift force that far outweighs its weight, so it can separate itself from the floor then fly in the sky. In addition, through studying philosophy, we will no longer simply judge something is right or wrong. We will find that everything is double-edged weapon. From certain angle, it is correct, while from another one it may be wrong. Taking trashes produced d by us human beings as example, when we are unaware that they can be recycled and be used as for producing fertilizer, in our mind trashes are just trashes. When we change our opinion, trashes can also be turned into wealth.

Thirdly, though equipped with academic knowledge, we are equipped with an advanced perspective on which we can rely. Through studying sociology, we may alter our certain actions with controversy for the benefits of our offspring. After all, society is body that will develop itself continuously. If today we just seek for more economic profits regardless of the future, we may exhaust the resources in the world and produce great amount pollutions that will have enormous influences for many years, so that the earth may be unable to afford the living of human being .Therefore, when today we found factories, we should take the potential effects to the environment brought by them into consideration. Otherwise it may result in serious consequences to the environment and the future.

In sum, through studying academic knowledge, we are able to observe the world around us in a new angle. We are able to make correct judgments and instruct our action more reasonable according to academic knowledge.

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

I strongly agree that through studying an academic discipline we will alter the way we perceive the world around us. The followings are my analysis to this question（on...view/assertion/issue..反正不是question).

To begin with, through studying academic knowledge, we can change the wrong way we used to employing (in which we used to recognize/know/understand/practise等..employ用在这里让人摸不清概念) . When we have not been instilled in (equiped with) special knowledge on certain academic fields, we were (前后时态一致, are) inclined to judge the things (thing太笼统没信息量而且不用特指, topics/issues/questions) in those fields based on experience that lacks scientific knowledge (同样信息量太少不利于体现习惯, 内容跟后面一句又有太多重复, 因为两句的关系比较紧密, 可以统一以后改为长一些从句: our own experience, which may lacks of scientific knowledge and lead us to a superificial conclusion) . [Sometimes we might have chance(加s, 单数可数名词不得单独存在) of being correct, while at most time we would be wrong due to lacking relating major knowledge.](删除) A famous (striking/well-known/obvious) example is the inclined tower experiment done by Galileo(这个例子举在这里不合适, 这个是实践检验真理的例子, 而于本题相去甚远, 因为1, 亚里士多德有相当的专业知识; 2, 亚的支持者也多为学术界的人士. 可以说学习了学术知识对于认识事物也没什么帮助. 另外迦利略同学没有跑到比萨斜塔上去扔, 只是做了个实验而言, 小学课本害人不潜啊). In this experiment Galileo demonstrated the fact that two objects will fall at the same speed to the ground irrespective of their weight. Before that experiment, people wrongly thought that the heavier a object is, the faster its speed is. Though studying the inclined tower experiment, people altered their ideas that seem absurd today. So, in some ("in some sense" makes no sense. 体现前后关联应该用in this sense) sense, academic knowledge can help us to avoid making ridiculous mistakes.

Secondly, through studying academic knowledge, we will be able to form a scientific method to think about (口语化, 改为investigate/study/percive) those confusing issues.(why? 详细分析展开再举例, 这段的意思会比较明确) For example, I felt confused about why giant objects like planes can fly like birds in my childhood. After I studied the course of fluid dynamics in college, I gained the answer for my confusion. The reason is that when plane begins to take off and at the moment of detaching from the land it can get lift force that far outweighs its weight, so (that) it can separate itself from the floor then fly in the sky.(Then how does it change the way you perceive the world? ) In addition, through studying philosophy, we will no longer simply judge something is right or wrong (这句有些Chiglish, we will find it more complicated to tell right from wrong than before) . We will find that everything is (a) double-edged weapon. From (a) certain angle, it is correct, while from another one it may be wrong. Taking trashes produced d by us (ours) human beings as  (an) example, when we are unaware that they can be recycled and be used as for producing fertilizer, in our mind trashes are just trashes (分词修饰成分与主句主语不一致, 改为we may simply take them as useless). When we change our opinion(after studying on knowledge of the compounds and material that constitute them), trashes can also be turned into wealth.(缺总结)

Thirdly, though (when) equipped with academic knowledge, we are equipped with (这样的句势不适合重复, 改为obtain/gain) an advanced perspective on which we can rely. Through studying sociology, we may alter our certain actions with controversy for the benefits of our offspring. After all, society is (a) body that will develop itself continuously. If today we just seek for more economic (financial) profits regardless of the (多余) future, we may exhaust the resources in the world and produce great amount (of) pollutions that will have enormous influences for many years, so that the earth may be unable to afford the living of human being .Therefore, when today we found factories, we should take the potential effects to the environment brought by them into consideration. Otherwise it may result in serious consequences to the environment and the future.

In sum, through studying academic knowledge, we are able to observe the world around us in a new angle. We are able to make correct judgments and instruct our action more reasonable according to academic knowledge.

看完以后有几个问题:
一, BODY三部分的中心都是什么? 有本质区别么?
从我理解应该是这样的提纲:
第一段: 知识改变我们对问题的错误认识.
第二段: 知识使我们有科学的方法去认知世界.
第三段: 知识使我们有先进的角度(去干嘛?)
乍看之下好象不同, 但角度和方法的区别在哪里?
二, 你的例证能证明你的观点么?
第一段迦同学的我说过就不说了
第二段, 方法如何体现在知道飞机航空的知识上了?如果要用这个, 就应该说通过对空气动力学的学习, 你掌握了计算空气推升机翼的原理, 从而计算出飞机起飞的原理. 而之后应该说明, 知道了这些, 看到的世界就不一样了, 不象以前那么confusing.
第三段, 社会的可持续发展跟认识世界有什么联系么?

楼主语言上有很多中式英语, 不过大部分还能看懂, 所以不是很重要, 关键是对思路的组织, 论证过程中逻辑性薄弱, 三个分论点各自为政不能紧紧相扣, 段落内的论证也缺乏对论点和例子的深入分析, 加上选择例子不当, 文章就显得难以服人了. 希望再写的时候一定想清楚自己要论证的观点是什么, 说的话怎么能支持自己的观点, 论证与论点之间的关系是怎样的.