130 How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. socialize: to adapt to social needs or uses
The topic given above alleges that citizens are currently dissatisfied with their society and worried about their children’s ability to create a better society. It further argues that the socialization of children will determine the destiny of society. While I agree that parents today have failed to prepare their children to be more useful in future society, no one can deny the fact that parents themselves also have a duty to contribute toward a society which promotes the well-being of all its citizens.
Before discussing this topic further, I would like to define what socialization is. In brief, it is the development in an individual to adapt to social needs or uses in order to contribute to a harmonious society. Thus I believe such abilities must embrace both fundamental knowledge and excellent interpersonal skills. These abilities undoubtedly determine the future of society. Children should acquire as much knowledge as possible in order to meet the society’s needs for skilled and well-informed workers. Due to the rapid development of technology and science, new ideas and disciplines appear almost every day, and these need to be researched and adapted to society’s needs. It is only common sense to understand that university graduates must have basic knowledge of several subjects, as well as the essential skills of reasoning and cognition, which will be effective tools throughout their lives and will make the future more prosperous and beneficial for all. In addition, the human race is blessed by God, who endowed us with the capacity to communicate with our peers on earth. Accompanying a student’s intellectual development there must also be interpersonal skills of getting along with peers, teachers, and even apparent enemies. The mastery of interpersonal skills is absolutely essential; without these skills, today’s children cannot be expected to unite together to construct a more hopeful future.
In reality, we must admit that today’s children are not as well-socialized as we might expect. They have widely different interests and needs which effective education should attend to. In fact, educational activity is regulated by government, which gives scant attention to individual differences and motivation. Students, parents, and teachers all take for granted that the unique criterion for assessing successful student performance is their scores. Students are driven to get ever-higher scores, and are consistently told that they have no real friends, only competitors. When such a student ends his schooling, even his reasoning is flawed, and he has poor skills for communicating with others in society. As a result, the hopes of parents and schools have been defeated; the graduates are bound for social failure, and future society is blighted and deficient.
But as I noted earlier, no matter how severe and brutal the situations confronting humanity today, the solutions are not exclusively the duty and responsibility of today’s children. The elites now controlling the society must also consider their own social skills and their duty to do their utmost to ameliorate social conditions. Their own development through parental and school nurture has contributed to the current problems of society; the improvement of society does not rest solely on their children, but also upon present-day adults. It may be true that brutal contemporary realities distress most people, but their fate is in their own hands. As Beethoven once said, It si essential that the weary people today exert themselves, working harder and better to establish an improved paradigm for their children. Only thus can the future of society be made more positive.
To sum up, it is the great responsibility of today’s children to master adequate knowledge and interpersonal skills to create a wonderful future. But today’s parents must not neglect their own responsibilities to build a solid and lasting base for the future skyscrapers they look to their children to build.作者: iq28 时间: 2007-4-4 02:19:48
The topic given above alleges that citizens are currently dissatisfied with their society and worried about their children’s ability to create a better society. It further argues that the socialization of children will determine the destiny of society. While I agree that parents today have failed to prepare their children to be more useful in future society, no one can deny the fact that parents themselves also have a duty to contribute toward a society which promotes the well-being of all its citizens (what has this got to do with the topic?).
Before discussing this topic further, I would like to define what socialization is.(why define this? how can this help your demonstration? 说明理由再动笔, 不然这段在文章中就起不到其应有的作用。用简短的一句The definition of socialization is basic to my assertion on....就可以实现) In brief, it is the development in an individual to adapt to social needs or uses in order to contribute to a harmonious society. Thus I believe such abilities must embrace both fundamental knowledge and excellent interpersonal skills. These abilities undoubtedly determine the future of society. Children should acquire as much knowledge as possible in order to meet the society’s needs for skilled and well-informed workers. Due to the rapid development of technology and science, new ideas and disciplines appear almost every day, and these need to be researched and adapted to society’s needs. It is only common sense to understand that university graduates must have basic knowledge of several subjects, as well as the essential skills of reasoning and cognition, which will be effective tools throughout their lives and will make the future more prosperous and beneficial for all. In addition, the human race is blessed by God, who endowed us with the capacity to communicate with our peers on earth. Accompanying a student’s intellectual development there must also be interpersonal skills of getting along with peers, teachers, and even apparent enemies. The mastery of interpersonal skills is absolutely essential; without these skills, today’s children cannot be expected to unite together to construct a more hopeful future.(到最后也没说这段出现有什么作用,这样从结构上和论证上都不可取. 加一句: Thus, we can see how necessary and comprehensive it is for children to be socialized.)
In reality,(上下文没有逻辑信息引导词连接,可以直接模仿题目插入: Unfortunately, just as the topic asserts, ) we must admit that today’s children are not as well-socialized as we might expect. They have widely different interests and needs which effective education should attend to.(这两句之间有什么逻辑l联系?用while, but之类的连接比用in fact, in reality要明确的多) In fact, educational activity is regulated by government, which gives scant attention to individual differences and motivation.(这两句话之后又是缺乏联系:政府管制教育和分数有什么关系么?政府制定政策,政策不合理,所以造成这种问题,之间需要顺理成章) Students, parents, and teachers all take for granted that the unique criterion for assessing successful student performance is their scores. Students are driven to get ever-higher scores, and are consistently told that they have no real friends, only competitors. When such a student ends his schooling, even his reasoning is flawed, and he has poor skills for communicating with others in society. As a result, the hopes of parents and schools have been defeated; the graduates are bound for social failure, and future society is blighted and deficient.(整段给人以危言耸听的感觉,原因在于: 1s事实论据不足 2缺乏深入分析。为什么政府要这么干?因为资源有限,因为历史问题,因为很难找出多重评判标准,因为制度不合理,等等,不说明这些光说政府怎么不对学生怎么遭殃给人感觉政府成心要害学生似的)
But as I noted earlier(when did u note it?), no matter how severe and brutal the situations confronting humanity (本文里有提到humanity么?) today, the solutions are not exclusively the duty and responsibility of today’s children.(who said it was the children's duty? 题目说的是WE have not yet learned。 ) The elites now controlling the society must also consider their own social skills and their duty to do their utmost to ameliorate social conditions.(what's the relation between this and children's socialization?) Their own development through parental and school nurture has contributed to the current problems of society; the improvement of society does not rest solely on their children, but also upon present-day adults.(看上去你这段是想对题目第一句进行讨论,但这样与之前的论证内容就没有契合点了:不光孩子,大人也决定社会的命运——那么如何呢?孩子就可以不社会化了?) It may be true that brutal contemporary realities distress most people, but their fate is in their own hands. As Beethoven once said, It si essential that the weary people today exert themselves, working harder and better to establish an improved paradigm for their children. Only thus can the future of society be made more positive.
To sum up, it is the great responsibility of today’s children to master adequate knowledge and interpersonal skills to create a wonderful future. But today’s parents must not neglect their own responsibilities to build a solid and lasting base for the future skyscrapers they look to their children to build. (看到最后似乎是想说家长花的力量不够,但是也不能花太多,只是全文里都看不出这意思来。)
The topic given above alleges that citizens are currently dissatisfied with their society and worried about their children’s ability to create a better society. It further argues that the socialization of children will determine the destiny of society. While I agree that parents today have failed to prepare their children to be more useful in future society, no one can deny the fact that parents themselves also have a duty to contribute toward a society which promotes the well-being of all its citizens; it is not solely the children's duty to ameliorate the future.
Before discussing this topic further, I would like to define what socialization is; and this definition of socialization is indispensable to my assertion. In brief, it is the development in an individual to adapt to social needs or uses in order to contribute to a harmonious society. Thus I believe such abilities must embrace both fundamental knowledge and excellent interpersonal skills. These abilities undoubtedly determine the future of society. Children should acquire as much knowledge as possible in order to meet the society’s needs for skilled and well-informed workers. Due to the rapid development of technology and science, new ideas and disciplines appear almost every day, and these need to be researched and adapted to society’s needs. It is only common sense to understand that university graduates must have basic knowledge of several subjects, as well as the essential skills of reasoning and cognition, which will be effective tools throughout their lives and will make the future more prosperous and beneficial for all. In addition, the human race is blessed by God, who endowed us with the capacity to communicate with our peers on earth. Accompanying a student’s intellectual development there must also be interpersonal skills of getting along with peers, teachers, and even apparent enemies. The mastery of interpersonal skills is absolutely essential; without these skills, today’s children cannot be expected to unite together to construct a more hopeful future.Thus, we can see how necessary and comprehensive it is for children to be socialized.
Unfortunately, in reality, just as the topic asserts, we must admit that today’s children are not as well-socialized as we might expect. They have widely different interests and needs which effective education should attend to. In fact, educational activity is regulated by government, which gives scant attention to individual differences and motivation. This mode of education determines that procrustean education is offered and it turns out to be unreasonable. Students, parents, and teachers all take for granted that the unique criterion for assessing successful student performance is their scores. Students are driven to get ever-higher scores, and are consistently told that they have no real friends, only competitors. When such a student ends his schooling, even his reasoning is flawed, and he has poor skills for communicating with others in society. As a result, the hopes of parents and schools have been defeated; the graduates are bound for social failure, and future society is blighted and deficient
But as I noted earlier, no matter how severe and brutal the situations confronting human beings today, the solutions are not exclusively the duty and responsibility of today’s children. The future is handled inside their parents' hands, undoubtedly. The elites now controlling the society must also consider their own social skills and their duty to do their utmost to ameliorate social conditions. Their own development through parental and school nurture has contributed to the current problems of society; the improvement of society does not rest solely on their children, but also upon present-day adults. It may be true that brutal contemporary realities distress most people, but their fate is in their own hands. As Beethoven once said, It si essential that the weary people today exert themselves, working harder and better to establish an improved paradigm for their children. Only thus can the future of society be made more positive.
To sum up, it is the great responsibility of today’s children to master adequate knowledge and interpersonal skills to create a wonderful future. But today’s parents must not neglect their own responsibilities to build a solid and lasting base for the future skyscrapers they look to their children to build.