准备TOKYO 7.7 IBT作文修改 leave home early or not请大家狠狠拍砖

portsxuUID: 2342632

Presently the problem about the youngers' independence building provokes an increasing amount of debates. Those youngers often find themselves implicated
in a dilemma when it comes to deciding whether they should leave home early or not under a variety of circumstances such as finance fundamentals, physical and psychological conditions. As it stands, however, I think it is better for the youth to start their independent life earlier for the reasons demonstrated below.

To begin with, I think that if something is inevitable, the sooner it comes, the better. Absolutely there is no reason for a person to accompany his or her family lifelong, nor does the excuse exist supporting that youngers could ask their elderers for help all the time. So there comes the conclusion that we youth have to leave home to earn our own life, and nodoubtedly the earlier we start, the more time, which to some extend means more pragmatic experience, we will have.

Moreover, I suppose those competitive people are never afraid of meeting challenges, so should we youth be while facing the trouble brought by living apart from family. Actually, I hold the opinion that those sufferings are the very thing it costs for growing mature. For instance, I had never grab a cooker until the time I had to cook for myself after leaving home, therefore I unfortunately got myself in stuck. As time goes by, after dozens of over-fried chicken, which perhaps just equals the redemption for my dependence to gorgeous cook mami, lovely brother Mc Donald and so forth, I nevertheless become quite confident for my cooking skills. Now I keep considering what will happen if I do not leave home earlier to start my independent trip, and how can a man live without those daily skills. luckily instead of being a poor bachelor who has to go out for dinner in his thirties, now I can even do the cook thing for a party, and that is the very benefit I get by live away from family.

In conclusion, I think leaving home earlier provides us more time for practical preparation than those planners who are sticky to their family, hence we get more chance to the abundant world. Leaving home earlier, why not?


把vocabulary classified 也背了，但是写作文的时候那叫一个捉襟见肋啊，就是想不出词来，这是第一篇INDEPENDENT writing,请大家多多指教！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

[ 本帖最后由 portsxu 于 2007-5-30 20:57 编辑 ]

melfice_seaverUID: 2235897

本着学习的态度该你的作文，该错了别骂我啊

Presently the problem about theyoungers'(是不是youngsters?) independence building provokes(这个provoke感觉不适很恰当，用introduce或arouse应该会更好一些吧) an increasing amount ofdebates. Those youngers often find themselves implicated
in a dilemma when it comes todeciding whether they should leave home early or not under a variety ofcircumstances such as finance fundamentals, physical and psychologicalconditions.(从句用的很好，但过多的复杂句可能会引起审美疲劳) As it stands, however, I think it is better for the youthto start their independent life earlier for the reasons demonstratedbelow.

To begin with, I think that ifsomething is inevitable, the sooner it comes, the better. Absolutelythere is no reason for(for-->that) a person to accompany his or her familylifelong, nor does the excuse exist supporting that youngers could asktheir elderers for help all the time. So there comes the conclusionthat we youth have to leave home to earn our own life, and nodoubtedly(undoubtedly)the earlier we start, the more time, which to some extend means morepragmatic experience, we will have.

Moreover, I suppose thosecompetitive people are never afraid of meeting challenges, so should weyouth be while facing the trouble brought by living apart from family.Actually, I hold the opinion that those sufferings are the very thingit costs for growing mature.(very good!) For instance, I had never grab a cookeruntil the time I had to cook for myself after leaving home, therefore Iunfortunately got myself in stuck. As time goes by, after dozens ofover-fried chicken, which perhaps just equals the redemption for mydependence to gorgeous cook mami, lovely brother Mc Donald and soforth, I nevertheless become quite confident for my cooking skills(;d:). NowI keep considering what will happen if I do not leave home earlier tostart my independent trip, and how can a man live without those dailyskills. luckily instead of being a poor bachelor who has to go out fordinner in his thirties, now I can even do the cook thing for a party,and that is the very benefit(gift是不是更好) I get by live away from family.

In conclusion, I think leaving homeearlier provides us more time for practical preparation than thoseplanners who are sticky to their family, hence we get more chance tothe abundant world. Leaving home earlier, why not?

lz的词汇和句子掌握的非常好，如果是在限定时间内打完的话那一定是非常强了。不过有些句子结构过于复杂就有些画蛇添足的感觉了。Good luck！

portsxuUID: 2342632

是在world里面打得，所以几乎没有拼写错误，，，而且超时了，，，大概３５分钟，，，不过！！！！阿，我受到鼓舞了，我要更加努力才行，谢谢楼上

melfice_seaverUID: 2235897

不用客气，自己懒得写作文，所以想通过给别人改作文来锻炼，呵呵。:)