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标题: Argument147 GREAW 小组第二次作业 [打印本页]

作者: 晚来风急    时间: 2007-8-7 15:13:41     标题: Argument147 GREAW 小组第二次作业

outline
1.survey not convincing 调查不可信
(1)question the survey asked cannot lead to the final conclusion调查问题问的不好
(2)age range not match调查未说年龄段
2.None information of the real reason of the decline over the past two years are given没说销量下降的原因
3.expectation of increasing sales dramatically in the next few months has no basement短期不一定好转
(1)other competitors忽略其他竞争者
(2)need long time 可能需长期


In the argument, the arguer concludes that the trend of declining sales of Whirlwind video games would be reversed for the reason that the games introduced by Whirlwind will meet the demand of players who expect lifelike graphics, shown in a recent survey. The argument suffers mainly three problems.

First of all, the recent survey on the players are not convincing me that the games will be to the players' taste. On one hand, the question the survey asked cannot lead to the final conclusion. What was the most important in a video game maybe not the only essential element. For my knowledge, the lifelike graphics is basic area in a game. Though games without vivid scene will be definitely out, the games has nothing but with beautiful sight will also be a bad choice. The story, character design, and other things are necessary.On the other hand, we are not informed the age range of respondents of the survey. As the game directed at people 10 to 25, whether the respondents are among the same people is a key problem, which may lead to an inversed conclusion.

Second, the arguer's point of the reversing of the sale is still in question. None information of the real reason of the decline over the past two years are given. Poor management of the inventory, narrow advertising campaign or the design of the package of the game also can be the murder of the sales. The arguer's conclusion based on the possibility of player's disliking of the games is lack of fundament.

Last but not the least, the arguer's expectation of increasing sales dramatically in the next few months has no basement. Maybe there are other competitors with games of lifelike graphics, who even do a better job on other side can completely defeat Whirwind. The market is still out of knowledge which make the final acceptance of the games unknown. On the other side even the games get the attention of the players, it may take many months even years. Lots of time will spend on the advertising campaign and the acceptance, till the spread of the games. No information is offered that the game would became popular overnight. We debt the ratio of the chance of the dramatically reversing of the sales.

To conclude, the arguer fail to convince me of the possibility of increasing the sales of Whirwind. To strengthen the argument, the arguer ought to offer more detail of the survey to make it convincing as well as the management information of the company to draw to the final conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 晚来风急 于 2007-8-10 15:59 编辑 ]
作者: clubranran    时间: 2007-8-7 18:12:35

果真,名不虚传,写的非常好!我大概看了看,意思非常明确,有条理!词汇的难度程度也适中,看得非常舒服。
正文部分第2段可以扩充一下,就更好了。在各段的开头,最好可以写些与上段过渡的句子,这样的论证非常有攻击性、逻辑性。
另有一些非常小的语法错误,不过相信不会影响你这文得高分的,哈哈!




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