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zhoumaxUID：2358398

题目：ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

字数：419          用时：00:57:19          日期：2007-8-13 下午 08:52:24

The arguer tries to convince that the cheese store does not need to stock imported cheese anymore with some seemingly reasonable cause. Yet, take a deeper thought, we will find these reason do not sufficiently support the arguer's conclusion.

First of all, the fact that in their newest store the five best-selling cheeses last year are cheeses made domestically cannot prove that the(omit the) customers prefer domestic cheeses. On one hand, as a chain store with branches spreaded all over the US, they cannot just consider the information merely from the newest store. Perhaps the newest store is the only store that domestic cheese occupies the top 5 selling. On the other hand, even this situation exist in most of the stores, we just cannot say domestic cheese is more welcomed either. Considering that there are so many kinds of cheeses selling in the store that even the top 5 sellings take part a small proportion of the total sales(要么是take a small part要么是take a small proportion), the imported cheese may has more customers on the whole.

Furthermore, neither can the survey made by the magazine prove the domestic cheese is more favored among customers. Even if we believe this survey is true and the participants in the survey are just the customer of the cheese shop - which is open to doubt in fact,(这句话想了好久才明白你什么意思,既然字数也有点少,感觉不如把这点稍微展开一下吧,也可以难以理解,不过可能是我理解力有问题哈) however, as the argument states, the survey only shows an increasing preference rather than a greater proportion. So it is quite possible that the domestic cheese is still not as favored as foreign cheese although it is trying to catch up.

Finally, even though the preference of domestic cheese indeed exists, it is too hasty to make a final decision that not to stock imported cheese any more: whether this decision will make more profit needs more evaluation. What the customers prefer may not result in what they buy, for some other factors may also influence their purchase, like how much the cheese is, how long it can be preserved, and so on. Moreover, if a same quantity of imported cheese can make more profit than domestic cheese, the store should keep on selling it even more people choose the domestic ones.

In sum, it is still too hasty to decide whether to discontinue stocking imported cheese now, because the reasons given in the above argument is not adequate -- they are infested with too many flaws. Before the company reach to the final decision, they need to conduct a much more comprehensive survey and recalculate the profit they would make carefully.
没什么大问题,但是要进一步提高的话,举例论证就很值得主意了,但这也是一个难点,我也正在学习中,给个例子个你吧,慢慢体会

Argument48 限时基本成功的狗狗，健康下降，电脑经济谁是祸根

重写body1后的版本：

Argument48:
The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.
'Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.'

限时成功，改了拼写。基本没动。

Giving some facts and some analyses, the arguer alleges a connection between the economy and the fitness levels of Corpora. Although it is credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal the hidden flaws as follows in his/her reasoning.

(写错了的段落)[Primarily, whether the fitness levels of Corpora has ebbed is kept unknown. Though the national advisory board on physical fitness says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit, it perhaps is not the case in Corpora. As common sense, the conclusion about the national situation is an average in the whole country, and then, it is awfully possible that the fitness levels in Corpora are much higher than the average. Therefore, in spite that fitness levels show a inclination of decline in twenty years, those in Corpora may be kept stable or even increased].

(新写的段落)<Primarily, whether the fitness levels in Corpora has ebbed is kept unknown since that no evidence shows that the standard used by the board today equate that used twenty years ago. As a common sense, criteria always keep pace with the developments of relevant regions. A possibility cannot be excluded is that with rising of their living levels, the board may have enhanced the old standard for adequate physical fitness. As a result, just equal fitness levels of people in Corpora would probably be declaimed as dwindling despite the opposite reality. Without taking this case into consideration, the arguer misjudges a decline of fitness in Corpora recklessly.       >

Next,[granted that fitness levels in Corpora has the same trend as those of the whole nation,]<granted that there is no difference between the standard adopted twenty years ago and today and people in Corpora are not as healthy as before, >  to deny the linkage between using computer and the waning fitness levels given by the board seems to be too premature. The fact cannot be cited as evidence that where levels of computer ownership are also highest, there overall fitness levels are highest too, because that computer ownership is the very different concept from using computer. For instance, a school with computer labs can be a region with high computer ownership, but its students are not those using computer longest compared with people who have their own computers. Extremely, it is common for many companies to have idle computers, which makes the ownership of them are very high. But it represents nothing about the using time of their employees. So, it is too rashly to exclude using computer out of all causes.

Additionally, though expenditures on fitness-related products and services in Corpora is unusually low this year, the dwindled fitness levels cannot be attributed to the economic decline. People can do free exercises more than ever, such as jogging, hiking, climbing the mountains, and dancing, all of which benefit people's body conditions undoubtedly. There is no evidence to show that to be fit requires people to spend money on such products and services. And what is more, to claim that the fitness level will improve when the economy does is open to doubt. As mentioned above, people have many choices other than using the products and services to take part in exercises. Besides, even after the economy has woke up, there perhaps are many other matters requiring people to invest, so people may have no free money to enjoy fitness-related products and services. Therefore, not only economic decline cannot be the sole reason of the fitness levels decent, also probably, cannot its improvements contribute to the fitness levels' increase.

In sum, the reasoning of the arguer lack sufficient evidence and well-rounded consideration as discussed above. Far more detailed and scientific studies and scrutiny should be exerted to provide believable data showing the real situation about the fitness level and the factors effecting them in Corpora.[496words]

如果有时间就麻烦回拍一下吧,我是8楼的,谢谢了

[ 本帖最后由 zhoumax 于 2007-8-15 01:09 编辑 ]