作文 求狠拍

zhouziyou001UID: 2449647

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


A trend that has existed for decade is that modern society becomes more and more complex. In the past, there are not so many jobs to choose, and most of folks live a normal life. With the development of modern society, more kinds of jobs were generate and more opportunities are waiting for you. Many people may miss their orientations in the complex society, so it is necessary for young people to have the ability to plan and organize for the following reasons.

One very strong argument for having the ability to plan and organize is crucial is that it can significantly improve the efficiency. The complex society have extremely option for you, as an illustration that when you want to eat in a restaurant, an army of restaurants, which contain French, Italian, Chinese or Indian restaurant, maybe on your waiting list, if you do not have a plan, you may waste a lot of time on making the decision, but if you have a plan, the situation may be different. In contrast, decades ago, only one restaurant in the block I live run the business, when I want eat out, I could go that restaurant without thinking.

Not only people should have a plan, so do a corporation. Decades ago, if you run a business in a new field, the corporation would make money easily because no corporation could compete with it. However, in contemporary society, once a corporation found a new field that have a well pay, a host of companies would come behind it. A prefect plan will help the corporation develop the business and beat the competitors.

A nation should also have the ability to plan due to the complex international society.  A nation must choose a standpoint in an event, the choice a nation made should benefit the nation. In some cases, a short-term interests violates the long-term interests, If a nation do not have ability to plan, it would lost numerous interests in spite of sometimes, the nation earn a little.

For the above reason, in the background of modern society is getting increasingly complexity, the ability to plan is vital to a person, a corporation as well as a nation.

[ 本帖最后由 zhouziyou001 于 2008-11-20 15:18 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID: 2565872

A trend that has existed for decades is that the modern society becomes more and more complex. In the past, there are not so many jobs to choose from, and most of the folks live a normal lives. With the development of the modern society, more kinds of jobs were are generated and more opportunities are waiting for you (正式写作中请避免称呼读者为‘你’，太过亲近反而显得不专业). Many people may miss lose their orientations in the complex society, so it is necessary for young people to have the ability to plan and organize for the following reasons. (问题强调的是young people。你的破题一直都在讲people, 很泛化，看不出为什么ability to plan organize突然就变成对年轻人很重要)

One very strong argument for having the ability to plan and organize is crucial (跑句 run-on sentence. argument for ... 后面应该是一个名词或名词分句，现在跟的是一个整句) is that it can significantly improve the efficiency (of what?). The complex society has extremely options for you. As an illustration, that when you want to eat in a restaurant, an army of restaurants, which contain French, Italian, Chinese or Indian restaurant, maybe on your waiting list. If you do not have a plan, you may waste a lot of time on making the decision, but if you have a plan, the situation may be different. In contrast, decades ago, only one restaurant in the block I live runs the business, when I want to eat out, I could go to that restaurant without thinking. (问题不是在要求你比较以前和现在社会生活的复杂性。你可以把这个复杂性的增加作为一个支持论证，但这不是你的最终论点。你的最终论点是plan and organize可以增加efficiency. 在论证完社会生活的复杂性之增加之后还要切回你的最终论点) (另外，plan的意思是预先做的计划, 并不是说有了plan你就不会浪费时间在挑选餐馆的问题上，你做plan的时候难道不花费时间在挑选餐馆的问题上吗? This is a weak example of planning)

Not only people should have a plan, so do should a corporation. Decades ago, if you run a business in a new field, the corporation would make money easily because no corporation could compete with it. However, in the contemporary society, once a corporation found finds a new field that have a well good pay, a host of companies would come behind it. A prefect plan will help the corporation develop the business and beat the competitors. (你的意思是没有竞争对手的公司就不需要计划? 。。比较可爱的想法哦。。另外你已经开始完全跑题，题目是关于 年轻人 的。。)

A nation should also have the ability to plan due to the complexity of international policies society.  A nation must choose a standpoint in an event, and the choice a nation made should benefit the nation (跑句). In some cases, a the short-term interests violates the long-term interests, If a nation does not have the ability to plan, it would lose numerous interests profits in spite of sometimes, the nation earn a little (不很专业的写法哦。in spite of possible immediate earnings.).

For the above reasons, in the background of modern society is getting increasingly complexity (Please check your use of the word 'complex', 'complexity', etc.), the ability to plan is vital to a person, a corporation as well as a nation. (erm, 写完了，organize呢?)

总结:

严重跑题。题目是 年轻人学会plan和organize的能力 是不是很重要。你写的文章的题目是 有一个plan (甚至不是做plan的能力) 的重要性。请注意写议论文不要看到一个自己熟悉的、会写的关键字就只抓住那个关键字不放，要想清楚整个题目的逻辑应该是什么再下手。写完之后问问自己，如果读者没有看题目来读我的文章，他能还原出题目大概长什么样子吗？如果答案是不能，那么多半有跑题的危险性。