iBT 12月-1月综合备考系列活动】之【TWE写作】 第一次作业

ock11UID: 2510283

Topic:
Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


Education has two aims, one of which is to shape students’ virtues, and the other one of which is to help students to understand profoundly the world. If teachers assign homework to students every day, it would probably bring negative effects for students and  would in turn impair attainment of the aims of education. Thus, I think that daily homework is not necessary for students. Teachers should give students assignments less than once each day, and the amount of homework should be moderate.  

Firstly, one of aims of education is to shape students’ virtues. However, if teachers assign homework to students every day, students would have to bear a heavy burden on homework, so that they could have too little time to do some other very important things that will conduce to cultivate their virtues. This would perhaps harm what character education aims for. Looking after elderly together with their parents would make students to understand love; doing housework would let them learn to respect somebody else’s labor; helping the poor would make them to learn sympathy. But if students are busy at their homework, how can they have enough time? Without a sufficient content of virtues cultivation, students could not be people with excellent characters, even though they could be quite good at their school courses through finishing a lot of homework.

Secondly, the other one of aims of education is to help students to understand profoundly the world. If teachers assign homework to students every day, this goal of education would be damaged since students could have little time and freedom except for the school works so that they would have narrow knowledge structures and provincial visions. If students want to understand the world deeply, they have to own a broad scope of knowledge and think about plenty of questions deeply. As the subjects provided by schools are always rather limited, students should spend a great deal of time on the extracurricular reading and thinking. However, if students are pinned down by their homework, scarcely can they have adequate time and freedom to achieve this task.

Education has an unsurpassed significance for a society. If teachers assign homework to students every day, it is considerably likely that this would jeopardize achievement of the aims of education. Therefore, I believe that daily homework is not necessary for students.





[ 本帖最后由 ock11 于 2008-12-3 14:20 编辑 ]

aphasiafifiUID: 2475704

Education has two aims, one of which is to shape students’ virtues, and the other one of which(这个让我读的很别扭……不知到是不是我语法不好，反正看起来很别扭，直接one…the other one就可以了)is to help students to understand the world profoundly （副词应置后）. If teachers assign homework to students every day, it would probably bring negative effects forto students and would in turn (?没懂你这里的用法) impair attainment of the aims of education（用太多of的话会给人感觉很redundant, 不妨用主动态）. Thus, I think that daily homework is not necessary for students. Teachers should give students assignments less than once each day, and the amount of homework should be moderate（I think ‘adjust’is a better word here）.  

Firstly, one of aims of education is to shape students’ virtues. However, if teachers assign homework to students every day, students would have to (? may) bear a heavy burden on homework (这里即使不说大家也知道是homework ), so that they could have too little time(Chinglish 的痕迹……) to do some other very important things that will conduce to cultivate their virtues. This would（为什么你很喜欢用would……虽然它也可以表示委婉语气，但是用may/might我想更好一些)perhaps（用完would 还用perhaps, 不要这么谦虚嘛……） harm what character education（为啥从教育扯到品格教育上了？） aims for. Looking after the elderly(elderly是一形容词，若要表示老年人应加the) together with their parents（whose parents?）would make students to understand love; doing housework would let them (要指代明确) learn to respect somebody else’s labor （respect the products of others' labors）; helping the poor would make them to learn sympathy（同情心这种东西是学来的么？我觉得不妨改成 evoke their sympathy）. But if students are busy atdoing their homework, how can they have enough time? Without a sufficient content of virtues cultivation, students could not be become people with excellent characters, even though they could be quite good at their school courses through finishing a lot of homework(这句话逻辑有问题，第一，品德教育不能保证学生成为好性格的人，第二，作业多也不能保证学生的成绩好，而且 even though 是不是位置不太对？）

Secondly, the other one of aims of education is to help students to understand the world profoundly. If teachers assign homework to students every day, this goal of education would be damaged since students could have little time and freedom except for the school works so that they would have narrow knowledge structures and provincial visions. （好长的句子，咱必须得喘口气）If students want to understand the world deeply, they have to own obtain/master a broad scope of knowledge and think about plenty of questions deeply(这两个好像不是and的关系，应该是条件关系，thus/ which enable students to think…). As the subjects provided by schools are always ratherrelatively limited, students should spend a great deal of more time on the extracurricular reading and thinking. However, if students are pinned down by their homework, scarcely can they have adequate time and freedom to achieve this task.

Education has an unsurpassed significance for a society.(这个话写的实在是太宏大了……) If teachers assign homework to students every day, it is considerably likely that this would more likely to jeopardize achievement of the aims of education. Therefore, I believe that daily homework is not necessary for students.

1. 文章的主题是问你每天是不是有必要让学生做作业，你好像有点写成教育的目的是……作业不能成为干扰教育的因素……。请注意focus在题目上。
2.代词用的不明确。有时候应该把主语强调出来。啰嗦总比说不明白强。
3.中文思维痕迹比较严重，试着用一些主动式来代替一连串的of
4.可能是我语法局限，固然高级小词儿看起来华丽丽……但是其实我觉得有时候用一些简单词错误率更低一些


个人浅见 不对请指正

[ 本帖最后由 aphasiafifi 于 2008-12-3 22:01 编辑 ]

ock11UID: 2510283

楼上所言极是，改的非常好，我要好好消化一下。