自改的 ISSUE 99---欢迎泼冷水，全方位的泼，使劲泼，往狠里泼！

i2000sUID：2108019

我自己改过了一遍，请继续批判！

ISSUE 99
In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options.
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共计：682 words

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If you were a scientist, what should be your blueprint about the next experience? If you were a politician, how would you prepare your speech? And how would you, now a boss, start a business? Or what scene would you, if an artist, hold before drawing your first line on your canvas? Everyone wants to success, viewpoints before any action, tending to be practical or theoretical, decide your position of starting line and speed in the ruthless race.  Success comes easier when you combine the merits of both types of views. Further, it comes faster when you order them appropriately.
 
Admittedly，Man lives on the feet of reality. Reality notices you how many and which kinds of the bricks you've own to pave your road leading to the success. When Edison, one of the greatest inventers in history, lightened his first bulb, he just used the usual materials at hand, not the rare earth materials now we found better but so hard to refine that take scientists worldwide more than a century to certificate them. Reality releases your aimless rashness and tells you how can you get to the target from the very condition at the stage. When Washington won the first President in America history, actually, he wasn't leave away from the folks' practical needs and the actual conditions at that time which attracted people to trust him and moved US standing up to win. Countless big potatoes in all kinds of careers win their honors with holding the practical viewpoints that root in reality solidly. Do pragmatical viewpoints save you all the time?

In fact, practical thoughts cost more time to consider more factors than ideal ones do. The more severely the views are idealized, the deeper people touched by them. When Martin Luther King, the hero of black American, gathered his supporters and won the revolution, he emphasized the common dream born in black people's hearts, rather than first on the setbacks they may subject to. More important, the simplified views accelerate the process of planning and operating much more effectively than trapped into some unnecessary worries about the actuality. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world nowadays, started his Microsoft corporate only driven by a simple ideal that every family should own a personal computer, and conceived the plan simply from the DOS operating system without supporting colored screen and even mouse which is extremely prevailing at present. Similarly, a painter may merely hold the outline of somebody who's about to be drawn in the canvas, rather much more details at first glance. 

Now we're arriving at the crux: What's the starting line of a competition before actions, to be it a complex plan that may take you wandering a long period to examine almost every factor of reality, or only to be it a simple skeleton that only contains some basic perspectives and leaving much room to be filled out after you set out? As we all know, a line between two points make the shortest distance. This is also steadfast when come to the topic of success. That is to say, first employ the ideal views to define your beginning and terminate points, and the best way linking them with your knowledge acquired. Then consider the key practical factors that may resist your processes and detail your plans. The rest work is to constantly deal with the bugs when moving on. So as the tenet people holding, "The complex world maybe run under some simplest principles", why not to simplify your viewpoints under reality?  

Success is a direct result of a series of actions ordered well enough after a series of considerations in a limited period. A good, or easy to be completed, beginning is a half of success, the other part should be done with weighting more complex and in numbers of actual details after that. The ideal plan with considering some basic practical factors make it easy to begin the race at a high velocity. Only organize both the idealistic and practical views seemly, will the success occur in our sights timely.


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分析思路及文章结构、例证、语言措辞等等，开始泼冷水吧！！

thanks！

leader2050UID：2591145

If you were a scientist, what should be your blueprint about the next experience? If you were a politician, how would you prepare your speech? And how would you, now a boss, start a business? Or what scene would you, if a artist, hold before drawing your first line on your canvas? Everyone wants to success, viewpoints before any action, tending to be practical or theoretical, decide your position of starting line and speed in relevant competition. (这个开头很有新意，但是没有表明立场。可能需要更加明确全文的立场。)

Man lives on the feet of reality. When Edison, one of the greatest inventers in history, lighten his first bulb, he just use the usual materials at hand, not the rare earth materials now we found better but so hard to refine that take scientists worldwide more than a century to certificate them. When Washington won the first President in America history, actually, he wasn't leave away from the folks' practical needs and the actual conditions at that times which attracted people to trust him and leaded people to win. Countless big potatoes in all kinds of careers win their honors with holding the practical viewpoints that root in reality solidly. Do pragmatical viewpoints save you all the time?

In fact, practical thoughts cost more time to consider more factors than ideal ones do. The more ideal the view is, the much sounder and simpler the plan is. When Martin Luther King, the hero of black American, gathered his supporters and won the revolution, he emphasized the common dream born in black people's hearts, rather than first on the setbacks they may subject to. Bill Gates, the richest man in the world nowadays, started his Microsoft company only driven by a simple ideal that every family should own a computer. （写得真好）An artist may merely holding the profile of somebody who's about to be drawn in the canvas, rather much more details at first glance. Ideal aspects obviously simplify the process of thinking.

Now we're arrivalling at the crucial point: What's the starting line of a competition before actions, to be it a complex plan that may take you wandering a long period to examine almost every factor of reality, or only to be it a simple schedule that only contains some basic perspectives and leaving much room to be filled out after you set out? As we all know, a line between two points make the shortest distance. This is also steadfast when come to the topic of success. That is to say, first employ the ideal views to define your beginning and terminate points, and the best way linking them with your knowledge acquired. Then consider the key factors that may resist your processes and detail your plans. The rest work is to constantly deal with the bugs when moving on. So as the tenet people holding, "The complex world maybe run under some simplest principles", why not to simplify your viewpoints under reality?  

Success is a direct result of a series of actions ordered well enough after a series of considerations in a limited period. A good, or easy to be completed, beginning is a half of success, the other part should be done with weighting more complex and in numbers of actual details after that. The ideal plan with considering some basic practical factors make it easy to begin the race. Only organize both the idealistic and practical views effectively, will the success occur in our sights timely.

写得很奔放，确实不属于一般的路子，实在不知道从哪里下手。
感觉内容很充实，但是条理不是很清楚，但或许那些native可以看懂~

i2000sUID：2108019

2# leader2050
leader的作文我只能用拜读来描述啊（广而告之~），则也来给我这个需要顿悟的小菜一个赞扬？ 呵呵

Anyway， thanks for your attention！ And，
Waiting for your good news!

leader2050UID：2591145

楼主是什么时候考？

i2000sUID：2108019

楼主是什么时候考？
leader2050 发表于 2009-4-6 21:05

7月后，具体时间还没定啊
目前边科研边杀G
还是有很多不确定因素的。
我得抓紧向未来的leader看齐了，
你的文章写的不错啊，措辞例证很到位！

就我这水平而言，在训练方面，能给些建议否？~

leader2050UID：2591145

我觉得自己除了字数多以外没啥好的~
你多看看范文，先列提纲，然后多写写，有套路以后就很容易的。
全文例子不用那么多。每个观点下面再设两三个分论点，每个分论点一个例子。
这样的框架感觉标准一点。

i2000sUID：2108019

7# leader2050
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=938378&pid=1772538284&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1772538284
leader果然很关心大众啊  呵呵
相信凭你的实力，一定会梦想成真！

你说的分论点这条灰常赞成！
你的文章就是典型
按照这个思路我又改了一下我的习作，有空再帮忙看看效果吧   呵呵

不过觉得你常用的one hand……another……之类的比较死板，能用递进、转折之类的从不同逻辑角度抓分论点、组织段内结构更好些
你的段间结构就是这么有起承转合的嘛，应该可以继续深入到段内结构……

目前我看的官方范文很多都是比较个性的那种，所以自己写的也比较“非主流”了，
不过无论如何考前也应该有个比较稳定的模式吧。
然而语言的丰富性和例证的充足性不是一天两天速成的，
可否提供些充满精华的资料？

leader2050UID：2591145

gter上面很多啊，尚未总结一下就可以用了。我找了很多别人的例子，然后自己再综合一下就可以了

i2000sUID：2108019

9# leader2050
恩 奋斗中
leader加油
等你凯旋

zenithchenUID：2631586

也是觉得例证多了一些呢，而且分布不是很均匀，有点像意识流，在使用例证时描述性的文字多了一点，有点堆字数的嫌疑啊。语言凝练紧凑些会更有气势，也会节约宝贵的时间，毕竟是issue嘛~呵呵~  
3段1句：In fact, practical thoughts cost more time to consider more factors than ideal ones do. The more severely the views are idealized, the deeper people touched by them.这一段应该是要强调ideal view吧，要是老外应该会把重点放前面，初看还以为是要说practical thought呢，看了后面的例子才知道……Though ideal thought may cost less time to consider, sometimes it can bring us more interior jiminy and many creationary machinations.这个意思是否会好些~
5段2句：beginning is a half of success,可否改为A good beginning is a half of success，不知是不是有lz的这一句，刚看时还以为是后面一句，不过句意还是有差别的。
谢谢lz的分享~~

i2000sUID：2108019

11# zenithchen
谢谢拍板`
3段那句确实是意识流了……
5段那句改了一下你说的名言，有所强调。
例子的分布和结构紧凑方面做的不好，不知ls有什么办法整治一下？