0910G【Try Best】第一小组 issue99 by nlhust

nlhustUID: 2404239

ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
耗时：4h+    字数：612


Regarded as the only way to succeed, practical views are much more highly valued than idealistic views in today's society. Being practical might be effective in bringing us success immediately, however, it could not be the sufficient reason for us to deny the significant role idealistic views plays in long-term development.

Pragmatic behavior could lead us to be successful, to live a better life, or at least to survive in the society, in which the major opinion about success is being wealthy or making a great contribution in the foreseeable future. Living in this world, people always care about how to get a high-paid job, how to earn more money, how to get a good reputation, for all of these can reflect a person's living condition as well as his social status. In this situation, only when people hold a practical perspective, can they see the right way to the goal at first glance. Also, with the pragmatic behavior, one can become much more efficient not only in gaining money but also in researching because he or she can rapidly get information about the demands of the society, finding the right way to go. Just as what happened in the field of physics, in the practical point of view, more and more scientists tend to deal with problems about the application of a certain theory instead of the Final Theory like the Big Bang Theory or some other profound theory themselves. Doing this, they can get more payback rather than staying in the lab, facing a mass of complex equations, and at last solving nothing but living in a poor life. Thus, those who are wisely enough to turn to the practical thoughts earn not only money but also fame, being remembered for a long time, while most of the idealistic view holders just live nameless till death unless something discovered.

But lacking of idealistic view may stop us from going further in the mental world, where practical view could do nothing but only narrow the scope. Paying too much attention on the pragmatic behaviors, one may fail to see the beautiful scenery of the mental world, but only focusing on the conflict of the interests distribution. It would be a great pity if this kind of things happened, a pity that one fail to enjoy a colorful and a much more meaningful life.

Not only overrating the value of practice views and completely ignoring the importance of idealistic opinions might limit our horizon, but it may also result in stopping further development of the society and missing a much more beautiful future. Though realistic thoughts can contribute to the short-term interest, in some realm that further research is needed, this kind of viewpoint may only be resistance, because in practical viewpoint, investment may just be a waste of money and human resources. Taking consideration about the academic fields, if no investment is made, no further long-term research could be in plan. But the potential significant theory can only be found through these kind of investment. In this aspect, idealistic view is also essential to the development of society, may be much more necessary when we want to change our society or our knowledge about the world profoundly.

Without idealistic point of view, the development of our human beings may not go any further, not mention to accelerate the development of economy and some other realm of life. What we need to do might not be give the practical opinion priority or forsake the idealistic view, but to find a balance between them. Both of them are valuable. Only when we treat this two kind of viewpoints advisable, can we really succeed in the long-term.


中文提纲：第一段：practical view 可以让我们更快的获得成功，但也不能因此而否定了idealistic view 的重要性
              第二段：practical view使我们获得成功。人们对成功的界定，研究领域里拥有practical view 的好处
              第三段：但idealistic view可以让我们更好的欣赏人生
              第四段：idealistic view还有利于社会长远发展及发生根本变革
              第五段：结尾，指出需在两者之间寻求平衡

cooljcqUID: 2498528

你好，终于给你修改完了作文，感觉学到了不少东西，我把修改后的作文给你以附件的形式发出，这样比较好！

yjwn1987UID: 2495078

0910G【Try Best】第一小组 issue99 by nlhust
本帖最后由 nlhust 于 2009-5-25 20:55 编辑

ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
耗时：4h+
字数：612

中文提纲：第一段：practical view 可以让我们更快的获得成功，但也不能因此而否定了idealistic view 的重要性

第二段：practical view使我们获得成功。人们对成功的界定，研究领域里拥有practical view 的好处

第三段：但idealistic view可以让我们更好的欣赏人生

第四段：idealistic view还有利于社会长远发展及发生根本变革

第五段：结尾，指出需在两者之间寻求平衡

Regarded as the only way to succeed, practical views are much more highly valued than idealistic views in today's society. Being practical might be effective in bringing us success immediately, however, it could not be the sufficient reason for us to deny the significant role idealistic views plays (playing) in long-term development.

Pragmatic behavior could lead us to be successful, to live a better life, or at least to survive in the society, in
（in a society ）which the major opinion about success is being wealthy or making a great contribution in the foreseeable future. Living in this world, people always care about
how to get a high-paid job, how to earn more money,（这两处似乎有意思重叠） how to get a good reputation, for all of these can reflect a person's living condition as well as his social status. In this situation, only when people hold a practical perspective, can they see the right way to the goal at first glance. Also, with the pragmatic behavior, one can become much more efficient not only in gaining money but also in researching because he or she can rapidly get information about the demands of the society, finding(find) the right way to go. Just as what happened（the phenomenon）
in the field of physics, in the practical point of view, more and more scientists tend to deal with problems about the application of a certain theory instead of the Final (Ultimate) Theory like the Big Bang Theory or some other profound theory (themselves?). Doing this, they can get more payback (guerdon) rather than staying in the lab, facing a mass of complex equations, and at last solving nothing but living in a poor life(getting nothing solved but a poor living?). Thus, those who are wisely enough to turn to the practical thoughts earn not only money but also fame, being remembered for a long time, while most of the idealistic view holders just live nameless till death (unless something discovered ?).
按照提纲，这一段应该是讲述practical views的正面作用，可是读完以后觉得：1）对于成功的定义是完全出于功利主义的，不太有说服力。2）有关学术研究的那个例子，彷佛是一个反例，毕竟一般人觉得科学家还是要好好滴研究做一些伟大发明，讲到回报之类的感觉有点奇怪。
But [the] lacking of idealistic view may stop us from going further in the mental world, where practical view could do nothing but only narrow the scope. Paying too much attention on the pragmatic behaviors, one may fail to see the beautiful scenery of the mental world, but only focusing (focus) on the conflict of the interests distribution.
If this kind of things happened , it would be a great pity, a pity that one fail to enjoy a colorful and ( a) much more meaningful life.(我把原句顺序调整了一下)
这段作为平衡观点段会不会太短了？为什么idealistic就能让我们看到beautiful scenery呢？

Not only overrating the value of practice views and completely ignoring the importance of idealistic opinions might limit our horizon, but it may also result in stopping further development of the society and missing a much more beautiful future. Though realistic thoughts can contribute to the short-term interest, in some realm that further research is needed.
this kind of viewpoint may only be resistance, because in practical viewpoint, investment may just be a waste of money and human resources.（这里看的比较困惑，究竟是以实用主义观点来看呢，还是作者自己的观点？） Taking consideration about the academic fields, if no investment is made, no further long-term research could be in plan. But the potential significant theory can only be found through these kind of investment. In this aspect, idealistic view is also essential to the development of society, may be much more necessary when we want to change (our？) the society or our knowledge about the world (world view /conception of world ) profoundly.
再次提到学术领域，和前面的例子有矛盾的地方：赚钱赚名誉or深远影响
到底哪个是作者认同的成功？看的我很纠结的说。
Without idealistic ( point of view？), the development of our human beings may not go (any？) further, not (to)mention to(that) accelerate the development of economy and some other realm of life. What we need to do might not be (to) give the practical opinion priority or forsake the idealistic view, but to find a balance between them. Both of them are valuable. Only when we treat this (these) two kind of viewpoints advisable, can we really succeed in the long-term.

文章整体评论：句子写的很长，但是有时会lost in it.Not only这个句型用了好多次。我不擅长这方面，关于文笔就不多说了。有关论点，总有一种呼之欲出但没出的感觉，特别是有关idealistic的部分。提纲很好很清晰，但没写出来。

PS：这是人生中为别人改的第二篇issue，非常挣扎，比自己写紧张多了。意见仅供参考吧，你要相信，我是真的心有余而力不足。。。。

heliappleUID: 2621347

1# nlhust
Issue 99
第一段：practical view 可以让我们更快的获得成功，但也不能因此而否定了idealistic view 的重要性
Regarded as the only way to succeed, practical views are much more highly valued than idealistic views in today's society. Being practical might be effective in bringing us success immediately, however, it could not be the sufficient reason for us to deny the significant role idealistic views plays (play) in (a) long-term development.

第二段：practical view使我们获得成功。人们对成功的界定，研究领域里拥有practical view 的好处
Pragmatic behavior could lead us to be successful, to live a better life, or at least to survive in the society, in which the major opinion about success is being wealthy or making a great contribution in the foreseeable future. (The major opinion about success is becoming wealthy or making a great contribution to the society. Pragmatic behavior could lead us to success, to a better life, or at least benefit our surviving in the society.) lead to 后面的并列成分最好结构也相同，会比较规整一些。最后一个成分，即at least…, 我改成于lead us　…并列的结构了。　另外success的定义也修改了一下，认为success 是对future的contribution有些不准确，也可以是对现在的contribution啊。Living in this world, people always care about how to get a high-paid job, how to earn more money, （and）how to get a good reputation, for all of these(which) can reflect a person's living condition as well as his social status. In this situation, only when people hold a practical perspective, can they see the right way to the goal at first glance. Also, with the pragmatic behavior, one can become much more efficient not only in gaining money but also in researching (doing research) because he or she can rapidly get information about the demands of the society, finding (and then find)the right way to go. Get information and find the right way 应该是并列的，都是指he or she 的行为。 Just as what happened in the field of physics, in the practical point of view, more and more scientists tend to deal with problems about the application of a certain theory instead of the Final Theory like the Big Bang Theory or some other profound theory (theories) themselves. Doing this, they can get more payback rather than staying in the lab, facing a mass of complex equations, and at last solving nothing but living in a poor life.(living a poor life) Thus, those who are wisely enough to turn to the practical thoughts earn not only money but also fame, being remembered for a long time, while most of the idealistic view holders just live nameless till death unless something discovered.

第三段：但idealistic view可以让我们更好的欣赏人生
But lacking of idealistic view may stop us from going further in the mental world, where practical view could do nothing but only narrow the scope. Paying too much attention on the pragmatic behaviors, one may fail to see the beautiful scenery of the mental world, but only focusing on the conflict of the interests distribution (什么意思啊？). It would be a great pity if this kind of things happened, a pity that one fail to enjoy a colorful and a much more meaningful life.

第四段：idealistic view还有利于社会长远发展及发生根本变革
Not only overrating the value of practice (practical) views and completely ignoring the importance of idealistic opinions might limit our horizon, but it may also result in stopping further development of the society and missing a much more beautiful future. Though realistic thoughts can contribute to the short-term interest, in some realm that ( realms where ) further research is needed, this kind of viewpoint may only be the resistance, because in practical viewpoint, investment may just be a waste of money and human resources. 这句话有点绕口，在定语从句中that 是需要指代一个成分的。Taking consideration about the academic fields, if no investment is made, no further long-term research could be in plan. But the potential significant theory can only be found through these kind of investment. Taking the academic fields into consideration, there would be no long—term researches if no investment is made，and thus the potential significant theory which usually based on those investment could not be found. 这样改似乎顺一点。In this aspect, idealistic view is also essential to the development of society, may be much more necessary when we want to change our society or our knowledge about the world profoundly.

第五段：结尾，指出需在两者之间寻求平衡
Without idealistic point of view, the development of our human beings may not go any further, not mention to accelerate the development of economy and some other realm of life. What we need to do might not be give (be to give) the practical opinion priority or forsake (prefer) the idealistic view, but to find a balance between them. 前半个分句or的两边应该是意思相反的两个成分吧，即：即不优先选practical view也不偏向于 idealistic view.如果用forsake的话，那么这两个成分的意思就一样了，选practical=抛弃idealistic Both of them are valuable. Only when we treat this two kind of viewpoints advisable, can we really succeed in the long-term.

整体感觉复杂句子用的稍多了点，有些结构运用次数比较多。应该多写点短句。例子可以多举一点，这样能让文章更丰富，更有说服力。

heliappleUID: 2621347

4# heliapple
改的好累，平生第一次给人改作文，有点无从下手的感觉。
给你发一个word的附件吧，看着比较清楚。