ARGUMENT 70 第一篇习作 求拍！互拍！

青柠小可UID: 2662026

70.Studies show that in 70 percent of traffic accidents, at least one driver involved is less than 10 miles from home when the accident occurs. This statistic indicates that drivers have a tendency to drive incautiously when they are close to home, probably because familiar surroundings give them a false sense of security. Thus, the places where people feel safest are the places where they are in fact at greatest risk of serious injury.

1. 没有具体说明studies的具体事项，也许调查地点选在了事故多发地带，即使人们很熟悉这段路，很小心的开车也还是会出事。对安全的定义是不同的，也许人们认为安全的地方就真的安全。


2. 没有把人们认为安全的和认为不安全的地点的出事故频率做对比，不能说明认为安全的地方就危险。


3. argument说发生大部分事故因为人们认为路段熟悉安全而不专注开车，可是并不能说所有认为地段安全的人都不专心开车。也许人们在人为安全的路段也照样认真开车。

At the first glance, this passage, which holds the idea that the places where people feel safest are those that they are in fact at greatest risk of serious injury, seems to be reasonable.
It is the truth that when some people feel safe, they may probably become relax and incautious, especially after a long drive and getting close to home. Because it may occur to the drivers that they know the road’s condition so well, when to turn right, where the signal lamps are, how many turns should they take, that they do not have to pay much attention to the surroundings. And then, accidents may happen because of the careless driving. However, after careful and thorough consideration, this passage turns out to be somewhat illogical.
To start with, the author utilizes the studies to give the readers an example in order to illustrate his/her idea. But apparently readers couldn’t get sufficient useful information from the studies of the illustration to understand the argument. For instance, we don’t know how many numbers of the accidents the studies researched, the region where the studies took, the ages of the drivers for the studies, etc. Maybe the studies were taking at the places where the roads’ condition were really bad, sharp turns, dangerous curves, or even merging points. Of course, no matter how dangerous the driver feels, accidents may also happen even the driver is careful and familiar with the surroundings while getting close to home. So it doesn’t mean safe places where people feels are the right places where accidents always occur. Think it over, people normally definite safety as driving on a road which is wide, flat, straight, has a wide sphere of vision and low speed limit, things may be different if the studies are taken in these safe places.
Moreover, it is easy to point out another flaw in this argument that it never makes a comparison of the results, considering whether people feel safe or dangerous. It says that in 70 percent of traffic accidents at least one driver involved is less than 10 miles from home where they feel safe when the accident occurs, whereas it doesn’t show how many accidents happens when the drivers feel dangerous.
At the same time, it is not rational to say that all people who feel safe will become incautious. Anyone will tell you that accidents come from careless driving or dangerous road condition, but nobody will agree that safety causes accidents. It’s possible that people will still be concentrated on driving when they are feeling safe. Since the argument doesn’t supply adequate evidence that the safest places people consider are the risky places they get injuries to convince the readers, it is not easy for them to accept the author’s conclusion.
Overall, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by providing evidence that the correlation is indeed a causal relationship that the places where people feel safest are the places where they are in fact at greatest risk of serious injury.

青柠小可UID: 2662026

希望有人来拍拍~~~为了不空楼，自己先坐沙发吧~

alex8937UID: 2643749

At the first glance, this passage, which holds the idea that the places where people feel safest are those that they are in fact at greatest risk of serious injury, seems to be reasonable.
It is the truth that when some people feel safe, they may probably become relax and incautious, especially after a long drive and getting close to home. Because it may occur to the drivers that they know the road condition so well, when to turn right, where the signal lamps are, how many turns should they take(这里平行用得很不错), that they do not have to pay much attention to the surroundings. And then, accidents may happen because of the careless driving. However, after careful and thorough consideration, this passage turns out to be somewhat illogical.
To start with, the author utilizes the studies to give the readers an example in order to illustrate his/her idea. But apparently readers couldn’t get sufficient useful information from the studies of the illustration to understand the argument. For instance, we don’t know how many numbers of the accidents the studies researched, the region where the studies took, the ages of the drivers for the studies, etc. Maybe the studies were taking at the places where the roads’ condition were really bad, sharp turns, dangerous curves, or even merging points. Of course, no matter how dangerous the driver feels, accidents may also happen even the driver is careful and familiar with the surroundings while getting close to home. So it doesn’t mean safe places where people feels are the right places where accidents always occur. Think（这里好像不应该用动词原形，否则就变成逗号连接两句独立句子了） it over, people normally definite safety as driving on a road which is wide, flat, straight, has a wide sphere of vision and low speed limit, （这里第三句了）things may be different if the studies are taken in these safe places.
Moreover, it is easy to point out another flaw in this argument that it never makes a comparison of the results, considering whether people feel safe or dangerous. It says that in 70 percent of traffic accidents at least one driver involved is less than 10 miles from home where they feel safe when the accident occurs, whereas it doesn’t show how many accidents happens when the drivers feel dangerous.
At the same time, it is not rational to say that all people who feel safe will become incautious. Anyone will tell you that accidents come from careless driving or dangerous road condition, but nobody will agree that safety causes accidents. It’s possible that people will still be concentrated on driving when they are feeling safe. Since the argument doesn’t supply adequate evidence that the safest places people consider are the risky places they get injuries to convince the readers, it is not easy for them to accept the author’s conclusion.
Overall, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. The argument could be improved by providing evidence that the correlation is indeed a causal relationship that the places where people feel safest are the places where they are in fact at greatest risk of serious injury.

作为第一篇习作 这篇文章很值得表扬， 结构很清晰·论据很有特色
其实这篇Argument还有几个攻击点 楼主可以参考一下
1。题目中说“至少有一名驾驶员离家不到10英里” 又很有问题 可能真的就只有一名 或者在总量中所占的percentage可以忽略不计
2。题目中说“感觉最安全的是最危险的地方” 即使危险也没有理由说最危险 最危险的是那种XXX的地方

其实我也是个菜鸟，不太会改别人的文章 不周到的地方 请多多包涵

有空的话 可以再帮我看看这篇 这里是链接：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=993684&page=1&extra=

青柠小可UID: 2662026

3# alex8937
谢谢抽空帮我看文章，你的逻辑我收下就不客气了，嘿嘿~
有时间我会看下一篇文章的~加油！