Issue207 目前写过几篇高频里稍有点难下手的一篇~

neo_athrunUID：2111270

"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
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1。每个人都有一种需要与其他人区分开的自我身份感  retain a strong sense of integrity  如果失去文化的支撑，人们容易迷失自我。
2。礼节和典礼作为文化的一个重要形式的确有助于自我文化身份的认同
3。但是，礼节和习俗并不是保持文化的唯一手段。衣着服饰，长相，语言，文字，价值观，心里纽带。
4。还有些习俗应该摒弃。
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What kind of sense will societies or groups of people have without rituals and ceremonies, since they help to define a culture? The speaker asserts that societies or groups of people will have a diminished sense of their identity. However, the speaker seems to limit the definition of culture to a rather narrow range. I agree partly with the speaker's assertion but take exception when it comes to the reflect of people towards the absence of rituals and ceremonies.

To begin with, the author is on the correct philosophical side of the issue that we have to concede. After all, either philosophically or psychologically, it is true that every person need to retain a strong sense of identity, without which they will be confused with many problems even lose themselves in their life. Similarly, a country or society even groups, consisting of different persons, also need to differentiate from other ones. Accordingly, such groups either big or small has their own identities----as a form of culture. This is especially  obvious in minorities of a country. The members of dissimilar minority are similar to each other in many ways, since they live near to one another.  Only on the different culture rely they to distinguish each other.   

As a significant feature of a culture, rituals and ceremonies really help to enhance the self-identity of every person even a country. Almost all the countries have their own ceremonies: National Day. It is usually to commemorate the very day when their procedure established their country. According to this ceremony taken on every year, the members of a country can at least have a sense that who they are and where they belong to. At that time, all the members as well will feel self-pride because of not only the triumph their ancestors made but also the different identities they have. In small tribes, there are kinds of small but grand rituals and ceremonies on which we will be heavily impress on the first glace. In this sense, turning to rituals and ceremonies for self-identity is really helpful.

However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to define a culture, so societies or groups of people with the absence of rituals and ceremonies will not have a diminished sense of who they are. The author seems a little extremely when he come to this point.  Actually, many other factors also defines a culture: languages, habits, costumes, values, psychological complex and even feature on face. As is concerned above, rituals and ceremonies of many tribes are impressive at the first glance, what is more, it is not the only way we define a culture. The languages they speak, habit they take accustomed to, costumes they wear, or the feature on their faces, can help us to differentiate a culture, so we may distinguish between them, at the same time, the members in different tribes have retain their strong sense of self-identity.

There is another important aspect that can not be neglected. Some rituals and ceremonies may have no sense for the members and sometimes so harmful to people that they should better abandon them. For example, some tribes have certain mysterious rituals which need to sacrifice several selected persons to demonstrate their worship towards the nature or else. This way of self-identity make a great cost that the self-identity itself already has no sense.

In sum,  the author asserts the relationship  between rituals and ceremonies with which I agree partly. In my opinion, rituals and ceremonies are a rather good way to retain a self-identity but not the only way. In addition, for that kind of old and fetish rituals, we need  to treat carefully.
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Thanks for watching!
必回拍~

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-7 at 13:31 ]

neo_athrunUID：2111270

怎么搞得，竟然发了两次……
rp啊

cranlipUID：2123168

改过咯，放在word里面。

感觉事例不够充分，不够具体。
三四段顺序可以调一下。
语言比较成熟，句式很灵活，不过有好几个基本语法错误，建议可以用word改正。:handshake

sosoUID：194270

What kind of sense will societies or groups of people have without rituals and ceremonies, since they help to define a culture? The speaker asserts that societies or groups of people will have a diminished sense of their identity. However, the speaker seems to limit the definition of culture to a rather narrow range. I agree partly with the speaker's assertion(最好重新restate一下你同意的观点) but take exception when it comes to the reflect of people towards the absence of rituals and ceremonies.(这一句没看懂)

To begin with, the author is on the correct philosophical side of the issue that we have to concede. After all, either philosophically or psychologically（这样子说不太合适吧，一般都是psychological and physical这种互补的，而且philosophy个人感觉是一个很大的概念，放在这里也不合适）, it is true that every person need to retain a strong sense of identity, without which they will be confused with many problems even lose themselves in their life. Similarly, a country or society even groups, consisting of different persons, also need to differentiate from other ones. Accordingly, such groups either big or small has their own identities----as a form of culture. This is especially  obvious in minorities of a country. The members of dissimilar minority are similar to each other in many ways, since they live near to one another.  Only on the different culture rely they to distinguish each other. （这一段感觉不太好，就本身来说个人需要一个自我意识还说得通，但是类比到组织就不太合适了，至少没有例子说明。而且把个人identity缩小到cultural identity也不说不通）

As a significant feature of a culture, rituals and ceremonies really help to enhance the self-identity of every person even a country. Almost all the countries have their own ceremonies: National Day这个例子个人感觉不太好，虽然不能说它不是文化的一部分，但是感觉上更历史一些的例子或许更好一点，个人观点）. It is usually to commemorate the very day when theirwho? procedure established their country. According to(这个用法再斟酌一下) this ceremony taken on every year, the members of a country can at least have a sense that who they are and where they belong to(belong to是动词＋介词吧，不能跟where). At that time, all the members as well will feel self-pride because of not only the triumph their ancestors made but also the different identities 单数？ they have. In small tribes, there are kinds of small but grand rituals and ceremonies on which we will be heavily impress onat the first glace. In this sense, turning to rituals and ceremonies for self-identity is really helpful.

However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to define a culture, so societies or groups of people with the absence of rituals and ceremonies will not have a diminished sense of who they are. The author seems a little extremelyextreme when he come to this point.  Actually, many other factors also defines a culture: languages, habits, costumes, values, psychological complex and even feature on face. As is concerned above, rituals and ceremonies of many tribes are impressive at the first glance, what is more, it is not the only way we define a culture. The languages they speak, habit they take accustomed to, costumes they wear, or the feature on their faces, can help us to differentiate a culture, so we may distinguish between them, at the same time, the members in different tribes have retain their strong sense of self-identity. (例子在详细一点比较好，前后有种restate的感觉，论证看看能不能再深入一点）

There is another important aspect that can not be neglected. Some rituals and ceremonies may have no sense for the members and sometimes so harmful to people that they should better abandon them. For example, some tribes have certain mysterious rituals which need to sacrifice several selected persons to demonstrate their worship towards the nature or else. This way of self-identity make a great cost that the self-identity itself already has no sense.(这一段和论题似乎没什么联系）

In sum,  the author asserts the relationship  between rituals and ceremonies with which I agree partly. In my opinion, rituals and ceremonies are a rather good way to retain a self-identity but not the only way. In addition, for that kind of old and fetish rituals, we need  to treat carefully.

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
楼主的提纲感觉在这个题目上算比较独树一帜的了

不过感觉这个提纲并不是很适合，文章一直都从self-identity的角度来说问题，而题目主要围绕的是一个仪式和典礼对cultural identity的影响，有点偷换概念的嫌疑，而且个人理解我们所说的self-identity主要是在社会中对个人和个人价值的定位，和文化身份关系不大。建议楼主参考别的提纲，才考虑一下这篇文章。

可能批的狠了点，见谅！！:)

neo_athrunUID：2111270

嗯～　真是仁者见仁呵呵

谢谢了啊

foreveraUID：202035

哎...想拍可是题目看不懂.....

sebarinaUID：2108158

What kind of sense will societies or groups of people have without rituals and ceremonies, since they help to define a culture? The speaker asserts that societies or groups of people will have a diminished sense of their identity定语呢？. However, the speaker seems to limit the definition of culture to a rather narrow range. I agree partly with the speaker's assertion but take exception when it comes to the reflect of people towards the absence of rituals and ceremonies.不知道是闪光呢还是晦涩呢？晕中……至少reflect of people不明确

To begin with, the author is on the correct philosophical side of the issue that we have to concede. After all, either philosophically or psychologically, it is true that every person need to retain a strong sense of identity, without which they will be confused with many problems even lose themselves in their life. 好~言之有理Similarly, a country or society even groups, consisting of different persons, also need to differentiate from other ones. Accordingly, such groups either big or small has their own identities----as a form of culture. This is especially  obvious in minorities of a country. The members of dissimilar minority are similar to each other in many ways, since they live near to one another. 虾米意思？重要的限定条件居然放在后面还是表因果的？ Only on the different culture rely they to distinguish each other.   第一段讲的是啥？中心局没找到

As a significant feature of a culture, rituals and ceremonies really help to enhance the self-identity of every person even a country. Almost all the countries have their own ceremonies: National Day. It is usually to commemorate the very day when their procedure established their country. 你倒是是同还是不同啊According to this ceremony taken on every year, the members of a country can at least have a sense that who they are and where they belong to. At that time, all the members as well will feel self-pride because of not only the triumph their ancestors made but also the different identities they have. 讲的稀奇古怪的In small tribes, there are kinds of small but grand rituals and ceremonies on which we will be heavily impress on the first glace. In this sense, turning to rituals and ceremonies for self-identity is really helpful.

However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to define a culture, so societies or groups of people with the absence of rituals and ceremonies will not have a diminished sense of who they are. The author seems a little extremely when he come to this point.  Actually, many other factors also defines a culture: languages, habits, costumes, values, psychological complex and even feature on face. 思路好开阔~学习之As is concerned above, rituals and ceremonies of many tribes are impressive at the first glance, what is more, it is not the only way we define a culture.罗嗦的一句 The languages they speak, habit they take accustomed to, costumes they wear, or the feature on their faces, can help us to differentiate a culture, so we may distinguish between them, at the same time, the members in different tribes have retain their strong sense of self-identity. 这段就是车轱辘话来回说~当然我承认我也一样存在这个问题

There is another important aspect that can not be neglected. Some rituals and ceremonies may have no sense for the members and sometimes so harmful to people that they should better abandon them. For example, some tribes have certain mysterious rituals which need to sacrifice several selected persons to demonstrate their worship towards the nature or else. This way of self-identity make a great cost that the self-identity itself already has no sense.恩~不错~这个我没有想到~但论述不够

In sum, the author asserts the relationship  between rituals and ceremonies with which I agree partly.这句话怎么没说完似的~中心句就是紫色那部分吧？ In my opinion, rituals and ceremonies are a rather good way to retain a self-identity but not the only way. rather but不错In addition, for that kind of old and fetish rituals, we need  to treat carefully.

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开头两段写的太多太罗嗦~后面两段写的不错但是没有展开。毕竟however强调后面阿……

neo_athrunUID：2111270

说到点子上了，ｈｏｗｅｖｅｒ后面是重点！
没展开……唉

foreveraUID：202035

What kind of sense will societies or groups of people have without rituals and ceremonies, since they help to define a culture? The speaker asserts that societies or groups of people will have a diminished sense of their identity. However, the speaker seems to limit the definition of culture to a rather narrow range. I agree partly with the speaker's assertion but take exception when it comes to the reflect of people towards the absence of rituals and ceremonies.

To begin with, the author is on the correct philosophical side of the issue that we have to concede(admit). After all, either philosophically or psychologically, it is true that every person need to retain a strong sense of identity, without which they will be confused with many problems even lose themselves in their life. Similarly, a country or society even groups, consisting of different persons, also need to differentiate from other ones. Accordingly, such groups either big or small has their own identities----as a form of culture. This is especially  obvious in minorities of a country. The members of dissimilar minority are similar to each other in many ways, since they live near to one another.  Only on the different culture rely they to distinguish each other.   

As a significant feature of a culture, rituals and ceremonies really help to enhance the self-identity of every person even a country. Almost all the countries have their own ceremonies: National Day. It is usually to commemorate the very day when their procedure established their country. According to this ceremony taken on every year, the members of a country can at least have a sense that who they are and where they belong to. At that time, all the members as well will feel self-pride because of not only the triumph their ancestors made but also the different identities they have. In small tribes, there are kinds of small but grand rituals and ceremonies on which we will be heavily impress on the first glace. In this sense, turning to rituals and ceremonies for self-identity is really helpful.

However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to define a culture, so societies or groups of people with the absence of rituals and ceremonies will not have a diminished sense of who they are. The author seems a little extremely when he come to this point.  Actually, many other factors also defines a culture: languages, habits, costumes, values, psychological complex and even feature on face. As is concerned above, rituals and ceremonies of many tribes are impressive at the first glance, what is more, it is not the only way we define a culture. The languages they speak, habit they take accustomed to, costumes they wear, or the feature on their faces, can help us to differentiate a culture, so we may distinguish between them, at the same time, the members in different tribes have retain their strong sense of self-identity.

There is another important aspect that can not be neglected. Some rituals and ceremonies may have no sense for the members and sometimes so harmful to people that they should better abandon them. For example, some tribes have certain mysterious rituals which need to sacrifice several selected persons to demonstrate their worship towards the nature or else. This way of self-identity make a great cost that the self-identity itself already has no sense.

In sum,  the author asserts the relationship  between rituals and ceremonies with which I agree partly. In my opinion, rituals and ceremonies are a rather good way to retain a self-identity but not the only way. In addition, for that kind of old and fetish rituals, we need  to treat carefully.

foreveraUID：202035

What kind of sense will societies or groups of people have without rituals and ceremonies, since they help to define a culture? The speaker asserts that societies or groups of people will have a diminished sense of their identity. However, the speaker seems to limit the definition of culture to a rather narrow range. I agree partly with the speaker's assertion but take exception when it comes to the reflect of people towards the absence of rituals and ceremonies.

To begin with, the author is on the correct philosophical side of the issue that we have to concede(admit前面说correct了,这里有是不情愿的承认就不如用点中性的词了). 段首主题句不够鲜明,而且意思太含糊After all, either philosophically or psychologically, it is true that every person need to retain a strong sense of identity, without which they will be confused with many problems even lose themselves in their life有点罗嗦,换成get lost就可以了吧. Similarly, a country or society even groups, consisting of different persons, also need to differentiate from other onesothers. Accordingly, such groups either big or small has their own identities----as a form of culture. This is especially  obvious in minorities of a country. The members of dissimilar minority are similar to each other in many ways, since they live near to one another.  Only on the different culture rely they to distinguish each other.   

As a significant feature of a culture, rituals and ceremonies really help to enhance the self-identity of every person even a country. Almost all the countries have their own ceremonies: National Day. It is usually to commemorate the very day when their procedure established their country. According to this ceremony taken on去掉? every year, the memberscitizens更确切点吧 of a country can at least have a sense that who they are and where they belong to. 感觉这句和下一句比较牵强,没有给出足够的理由At that time, all the members as well will feel self-pride because of not only the triumph their ancestors made but also the different identities they have. In small tribes, there are kinds of small but grand rituals and ceremonies on which we will be heavily impress on the first glace. In this sense, turning to rituals and ceremonies for self-identity is really helpful.上2段的意思基本上也差不多,合成一段是不是比较好

However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to define a culture, so societies or groups of people with the absence of rituals and ceremonies will not have a diminished sense of who they are. The author seems a little extremely when he come to this point. 这句看着有点别扭,和上面的段首句合并一下会好一点吧Actually, many other factors also defines复数名词不加s a culture: languages, habits, costumes, values, psychological complex and even feature on face. As is concerned above, rituals and ceremonies of many tribes are impressive at the first glance, what is more, it is not the only way we define a culture. The languages they speak, habit they take accustomed to, costumes they wear, or the feature on their faces, can help us to differentiate a culture, so we may distinguish between them, at the same time, the members in different tribes have retain their strong sense of self-identity.

There is another important aspect that can not be neglected. Some rituals and ceremonies may have no sense for the members and sometimes so harmful to people that they should better abandon them. For example, some tribes have certain mysterious rituals which need to sacrifice several selected persons to demonstrate their worship towards the nature or else. This way of self-identity make a great cost that the self-identity itself already has no sense.

In sum,  the author asserts the relationship  between rituals and ceremonies with which I agree partly. In my opinion, rituals and ceremonies are a rather good way to retain a self-identity but not the only way. In addition, for that kind of old and fetish rituals, we need  to treat carefully.


neo感觉你有些地方语句有些罗嗦重复,还有每段的中心句提出观点不够直接,也不太鲜明,还有后面内容论证的不太充分,有点重心偏移的感觉.